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TIME TO PUT UP THE DOLLS

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There is a time in every girl's life when she realizes she can not remain a child. Not yet a woman, but no longer the child she was the week before. Some cling to childhood with never ending fantasies, and others rush into womanhood. Then there are those of us who are left with no choice, we must move on.

For me it was a frightening and yet memorable experience. It was winter and the snow seemed never ending. To someone who was raised in the "snowless" city of Los Angeles it was a beautiful change. We had lived in Cedars of Lebanon Forest for only six months, and in Tennessee only nine. We moved to Tennessee with a stepfather who had now deserted us.

Left once again without a father, our lives began adjusting to the necessary changes. My mother, being left again with three children to raise by herself, became our pillar of strength - as she had been in our early years when there were four of us, and she received a telegram with a black star on it telling of our fathers death.

My mother began having a difficult time breathing and neighbors took her to the hospital. I was 12 at the time. My brother Steven was 9, Jimmy was 6, and we were left alone for the first time in our lives. Being the oldest, my mother entrusted them to me until her return.

Not knowing her return would be delayed, I first thought it was a wonderful feeling to be left in charge. Then came the news she could not come home, she was in intensive care and had to remain for tests. Though still young, I knew that with life came death - as it had to my father - and a fear grew in me like I had never known.

We were alone. There was no family, and our nearest neighbor was half a mile up our country road. The fear increased as dark drew near, and the once peaceful noises of the country became a nightmare. I knew I couldn't let my fear show or I would not only have my fears to deal with, but those of my brothers as well.

With the night also came cries for food. Often given the chance to cook, I found this a great way to except the problem I was faced with. Half way through cooking all my fears returned as I looked up into four shinning eyes staring in through our back door. I stood frozen in place for what seemed an eternity until the faces behind the eyes became recognizable, and the fear began to ease. It was our neighbors from up the road with canned food and meat.

They brought things from neighbors all around. From people we knew and from others we didn't. I fought back tears as the boxes were emptied. That night I realized we really weren't alone. We did have people who cared.

With the items they brought, also came an offer for their home to be ours until our mother's return. I politely declined the offer and thanked them. I knew I could handle it now, and the night, even with its sounds, once again became a friend.

A few days later we learned our mother had suffered a severe allergy attack. She was allergic to cedar. She couldn't return home so we had to move. I packed everything in the house except a few things I knew I didn't need anymore --- for I knew it was time to put up the dolls.

Sandra Roberts
Copyright 1980
floyd1sandy2@webtv.net

Sandy is my sister. Drop her a line and let her know what you thought of her story.

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