First there must be order and harmony within your own mind. Then this order will spread to your family, then to the community, and finally to your entire kingdom. Only then can you have peace and harmony. *Confucius

In these years I tried to run away from a very terrible thing that had happened to me in my youth. I had little self respect.  I got to hanging with a group of friends, and our goal in life at that time, was to see how hard we could party. I would get up and go to work at 6am at the truckstop. I worked the same shift as a good buddy. We got off work at 2pm and would go get all of our other friends. We would go get our beer and then go sit at the "lake". We would do nothing but drink,swim, drink,visit, drink, laugh, and drink.... Then we would go get more beer and head to one of two of our other hangouts. There was an old army missle site on the top ridge of our mountain. It was abandoned but the bunkers and barracks were still there. They were falling down and dangerous. But we didn't care. We would go up there after it started getting dark and play hide and go seek,etc. Mind you we were anywhere from 16 to 19 years old, but we didn't care. Later I learned from my mom, that my dad knew what was going on. He kept telling mom that he hoped we didn't get hurt. But I was 18 then and I guess he felt I was grown up and that he couldn't tell me what to do. At the missle site, we'd dare each other to climb back in the cavern of gears and cogs and chains underground that moved the missles out onto the launch pad. It was pitch black (and by this time we were usually drunk) and we never knew the danger we were putting ourselves in. I found out that even though these were abandoned...they had left a emergency generator in a locked room. There was a switch, where we were playing at, that if hit, would start the generator and start the giant chains turning. It scares me now to think of it. But I know the Creator was watching out for us.

Mother Earth, the trees and all nature are witnesses of your thoughts and deeds. *Winnebago saying

I then allowed myself to get into a very bad relationship. I did have 3 of the greatest sons from this and for that I will always be greatful. However, I let myself stay in the marriage for far too long. This was mainly because of my fear of not being able to handle "life" on my own.  I turned to the beliefs of the white culture even more to try to fill the empty space I felt. I knew that something was not right, but just didn't know what. The more I tried to fill it with white beliefs on creation, the more lost and confused I felt. I am not by any means, saying that it is wrong, or bad. What I am saying, is that the white religions are not for me. I was looking for a purpose for me being alive. During this time, the dreams and strange happenings stopped altogether. This was not my path. It wasn't the quiet aching voice that was whispering inside of my heart. It took my home burning and almost losing my children to get me on the right path.  After our home burned, my ex decided that we needed to move to be closer to his folks. Actually, he had decided he was going to leave a few months before it burned. The boys and I were going to stay in Alaska. But, with our home gone, I felt the only thing I could do was go with him. The Creator was telling me that I was to come here. Down here, around his family, it was worse. One day I was sitting in the house we rented here, and noticed a funeral procession in the graveyard next door. As I watched, I started to realize, this was my life, if I wasn't doing what the Creator wanted. I was just going through a long and pointless funeral procession. I sat there and asked Him to show me the path to take.

So I decided that I had to start doing something. Not just anything, but start listening to His voice in the world. Things were scary at first, they still are at times. But I knew I had to start walking the Red Road and follow His Plan instead of mine. It would not be easy I knew, but it would be good.  I filed for divorce and got away from the abuse. I got a full time job and started back to college. And I prayed... how I prayed.

It does not require many words to speak the truth. *Chief Joseph *Nez Perce

All writings © by Alaskan Angels and Roberta Wallace. No copying in part or whole is permitted without owners written permission.