Don't ignore these cries for help! This grieving process usually takes anywhere from 3 to 5 years.

1. Do allow children to have and openly express their own feelings.

2. Do listen to your children and validate their feelings.

3. Do be honest (in an age appropriate way).

4. Do let children know about family changes such as visitation and moving.

5. Do reassure your children that the divorce was not their fault.

6. Do emphasize the finality of the divorce.

7. Do spend quality time with each child.

8. Do be consistent with rules and expectations.

9. Do protect your child from parental conflict.

10. Do provide a stable and safe environment.

1. Don't assess blame. Children shouldn't be taking sides.

2. Don't talk negatively about the other parent.

3. Don't use children as message carriers to the other parent.

4. Don't overburden your children with emotional or financial concerns.

6. Don't make excuses for the other parent. Allow your child to see the other parent realistically.

7. Don't make your children your confidant - remain the adult and parent.

8. Don't allow your children to put themselves in the middle of adult conflicts.

9. Don't discourage your child's desire to have a relationship with the other parent or step-parent.

10. Don't forget to get help when needed.

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The pain of divorce lessens with time; the tension of unhappy parents is a constant stress. Remember that we all react differently to stress and conflict. A lack of outward signs of conflict does not mean there are no problems.

Divorce affects more than just a husband and wife. Try to explain the divorce simply and honestly in words your children can understand. Do not try to deny that there have been marital problems. The explanations children create for such tensions are usually much worse than the facts.

The earlier parents recognize potential problems or anticipate their children's difficulties, the greater the likelihood of avoiding or managing the behavior problems usually associated with the divorce. Seek advice from other single parents in your situation, but know when comaparing stories that children will react differently to remedies due to their age, environment, or emotional stability.

It is best to avoid placing blame for the divorce. However, there will come a time where you will have to answer their questions- Even if it just a one-liner answer, please, make sure your children know they are not to blame; do not assume they will know it unless you tell them. Also, no matter how you feel about your ex spouse, degrading remarks one parent makes about the other will only confuse the children. There are so many different scenarios and reasons for divorce that I hate to give examples of replies. However, I feel very strongly about being careful in how you phrase to your children that "the relationship just didn't work." Do we want our children to think that if a relationship is hard to maintain that they should just end it? Companionship is give and take. How can we teach this if we set these exmaples that effect their lives so tramatically?

If your spouse is getting the better half of the visitation schedule it is important to make it clear that you are not divorcing your children along with your spouse. Reassure the children that you will be around, even if it's just a phone call. Stress to them that both parents love and care for them even though the family will not be living together.

By all means, don't ask your children which parent they like better or would rather live with. That is a no-win situation for them, since they can only please one parent by rejecting the other.

Let your children vent hurt and angry feelings without taking them personally. Disobedience and/or stubbornness may be your children's way of communicating their anger or insecurity about the divorce.

Some children see the divorce coming and others would have never suspected it. Along with the fact that you should'nt ask your children to choose between their parents, it is also important to be clear to your children that divorce means divorce. Don't let them think it's temporary. I know there are many stories where divorced parents get back together. If that happens, great! Just know that in most cases nobody wants the two of you back together more than your children do. Don't lead them on!

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