Explaining to the Kids
One of the hardest items to deal with during a divorce or break-up is the kids. Children will often blame themselves when a break-up occurs. We all know how trying adolescence is. The additional circumstance of a parent leaving their household (or them with you) is a complication we must strive to make easy for them. Regardless of their age, you should make huge efforts to discuss what is going on with your kids.
Explaining the details of your failed relationship is not easy and not necessary. Instead, focus on being straight forward with them and let them know what is happening as far as the future circumstances (ie. Visitation schedule, where their personal items will go, their pet, etc...). Take it from me, it is better to to reveal what's going on than to let their imaginations lead them to assumptions and conclusions. A child who understands the truth is often found to be more willing to voice themself. If they don't know what's going on they are put into a wait-and-see situation and often tend to remain quiet (and confused).
Kids need to know that both parents are still available for them. To put them in a situation where they must pick between their parents just isn't fair. After all, it is you that had the failed relationship- not them. Use every power within you to hide your anger concerning your ex-spouse with the kids. This includes when you're talking to friends in person or on the phone when your children are present. It is a natural feeling for your children to want to become involved (or regress) if your children sense there is a problem between their parents. I don't have fond feelings for my ex, but I still feel it's important that my child feels love from both his parents. Saying bad things about your ex in front of your children is just another way of making your children pick sides. DON'T DO IT!!!
Encourage your children to keep the communication door open. If they have a problem or concern, make it easy for them to share it with you. When they come to you with these questions you must make a effort to drop what you're doing and help them understand. The more they are willing to ask questions, the easier it will be for you to ease their fears.
This space will soon be filled with more on how to explain your new life style to the kids.
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