While this
is geared towards internet personals, I believe this
also fits the parameters for printed media type and
tele-personals
ads.
Q: ARE THERE ANY REAL PEOPLE ON THE WEB?
A: Yes. They're here! Always remember that
a person is free to represent themself any way they
want. The trick is in reading between the lines of
the ad AND don't let your feelings of being alone
cloud what you're looking for. Patience IS a
virtue.
Q: WHY DO THE MEN OUTNUMBER THE WOMEN?
A: I don't know the numbers, but from my experience
there seems to be a larger amount of male personals
to womens. If you're a male you have a lot of
competition, but that doesn't mean you should lie
about yourself. The same goes for women. I've heard
many stories where two people met thru the net, had
an e-mail relationship until they felt comfortable
enough to exchange phone numbers. Then they
eventually met at an established point just to find
the other person (sometimes both people) had lied
about themself. The point here is that if you
misrepresent yourself before you meet, they aren't
going to like you once they figure it out.
Personally, I think you'd be a much happier person if
you just be yourself and search for the person that
likes you for who you are.
Q: BUT WHY ARE THERE LESS FEMALE ADS?
A: Personally, I think there are as many, if not more
women searching the ads as men. The difference is
probably that the women who place ads more often find
themselves bombarded by males who are strictly after
sex (or possibly just some kids messing around on the
net where they shouldn't be). My advice to men is to
write your ad with thought that there are many more
women out there than there are ads.
Q: I'M A WOMAN, AND WANT TO POST A PERSONALS AD!
A: Knock yourself out; However, use caution and be
aware; You'll probably get tons of responses, maybe
as many as 15 or 40 in a small period of time. The
best place for a women to post is one that doesn't
allow adult content. These usually have enough rules
to detour the bad guys from applying.
Q: DOES ANYONE EVER MEET ANYONE FROM HERE? IS THIS
FOR REAL OR WHAT?
A: Yes, it does happen, but probably not as often as
as you would like to think. I have friends who were
at least semi-successful. Personally, I've made some
great friends and hope that something more will come
of it down the road.... We'll see.
Q: WHAT'S WITH ALL THE ADS FOR SEX? IS THAT ALL
ANYONE IS LOOKING FOR?
A: Some people post ads looking for sex,
extra-marital affairs, or pornographic email. If
that's what you're looking for, that's fine with
me, but I have no advice for you other than to let
your friends know when and where you're meeting this
person and, by all means, use protection!
Q: ARE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO USE PERSONALS UNATTRACTIVE
AND PSYCHOTIC?
A: Not in all cases. Fact of the matter is that older
people get tired of the unreliable "meet somebody at
a party or bar" scene. Can you imagine how many times
you missed out on your best match just because you were "going for" the most attractive?
Personals put everyone on a level playing field;
There are more possibilities of finding a good match
based on your interests rather than just appearances.
Hey, just because the two best looking people in the
room are dancing with eachother doesn't mean they are
the most compatible. One could have a college degree and
the other be a high school drop out. Nothing against
either one, but I I bet they don't share the same
values or social skills.
There are many reasons why people use personals.
A person who is attractive may find themself
attracting all the wrong people and want a chance to
meet a person who'll get to know them BEFORE finding
out what they look like.
They might be from a small town, have children, just
out for some fun, or maybe just just plain shy. I'm
sure there are other reasons, as well.
Q: WHAT DO I PUT IN MY AD?
A: The most sought statistics when an ad is viewed is
your physical appearance, race, sexual preference, age, and location. Your personal interests are on the backburner, but are significant. After listing all that, I would suggest mentioning what in the above interests you. This will
help weed out the unwanteds. ie., If you're an
attractive model and only want to meet handsome
actors then say so. Placing limits on who you want to
respond will detour the responses you don't want.
It also helps to be choosy on what sites you place
your ad at. It's a good idea to read through the ads
that are already posted. Some free sites make you
join for free before you can view the ads. That's ok.
Just join with a basic ad, then go to view the
others. If it's not the right place then delete your
ad. It is a good idea to go back and view your ad
every now and then to check it for spelling and
punctuation. Nothings worse than reading an ad about
someone who is attractive, college degreed and
looking for an "intelijent" co-partner
Oh, and
always mention your basic location and put limits
(travel time or distance) on what's
acceptable.
Q: HOW SHOULD I RESPOND TO AN AD?
A: First things first. Most sites will give you
details about when the ad was placed and/or when they
were last active. If they placed the ad in 1997 and
haven't been there since Feb 1998 they probably
aren't looking anymore. You'll have the best luck
with the ads where there has been activity in the
last 2-45 days. Attacking an ad the first day out may
come across as offensive or desperate. Use your
own judgement.
Q: WHAT DO I SAY WHEN RESPONDING TO AN AD?
A: First things first. Fill in the subject box.
Should they decide to save your response the subject
box is what they'll see most often. Next, offer a
short reason of what attracted you to their ad and
give them directions to where your ad is placed. Ask
them to view it and get back to you if they're
interested in more info. Also, it's a big help to
drop a couple questions in your reply... ie, How's
your summer going? Have you had any luck here? etc...
Nothing fancy, just an ice-breaker. It will make it
easier for them to reply. Try to make your
ice-breaker an easy one. To just ask "Tell me more
about yourself" leaves the respondent with nowhere
specific to go. Also, be loose. You don't want to
come across as desperate. Be patient for a response;
Just because they placed an ad doesn't mean they're
on line everyday. In fact, many people only access
their computer from work or when the other members of
the family aren't on it. If you don't get a response
after 4-5 days you generally are wasting your time. Chances are
either they don't have that address anymore or
plainly you just didn't interest them.
Q: I GOT A RESPONSE, NOW WHAT?
A: Good for you! Now, you need to find their ad and
read it. If this person interests you then write them
back. Whatever you do, don't let too much time go by.
However, take the time to write out your response.
There have been many times when I was on-line when a
reply came. The first few times this happened I
immediately wrote back, then didn't hear from them
again or until 2 days later. Remember this: Most
people who respond to an ad don't expect you to be
on-line. Take the time to view their information.
Sleep on it if you can, then take the time to put
together a decent reply. Trust me, the results will
be much better.
Pace yourself. Let nature take it's course. Be
friendly. Try to find things in their ad that you can
relate to. Imagine yourself having a conversation
with them (because you are).
ASK QUESTIONS. If they
like fishing, mention where you fish, etc... You are
more likely to win them over if you e-mail back and
forth over time than if you push for meeting them
tomorrow or offer the exchange of phone numbers too
soon. It's a good idea to offer a view on what you
think and ask them what they think of it. Use each
question as a gauge to help you understand how
compatable the two of you really are.
Q: HOW RELIABLE IS THEIR PICTURE?
A: It depends on how long ago it was taken. Look for
details in the background suggesting time of year,
etc... Pictures help, but don't put all of your
weight into them. Remember You'll have a
longer lasting relationship if you're personalities
match as opposed to just physical attraction.
Attractive or not, there are plenty of people out
there with more coming and going every day.
Q: WHAT ABOUT AGE GAPS, CULTURES, ETC..?
A: To each their own. There are many different views
and I'm not sure I could cover them all without
offending somebody. However, I feel the biggest item
to consider is how well this person (even if
the same age, culture, etc..) would fit in with
your friends or family (and you with theirs).
Yes, it's your life and you can do as you feel, but
it's a much more pleasant feeling when the person
you're with is accepted by the people you know and
care about.
Q: ANYTHING I SHOULD LOOK OUT FOR?
A: As with anybody, male or female, you do have to be
cautious. Answering an ad might get you a psychotic,
or someone who's dishonest with you.
The single biggest hazard is probably those strange
creatures out there who place ads pretending to be
what they aren't. There are people who place ads
pretending to be gorgeous, provocative women when
they're MALE.
It's also possible you'll wind up corresponding with
someone criminal or dangerous somehow. Don't be
paranoid, but do be cautious!
Watch out for weirdos and criminals, watch out for
liars, try not to sound desperate, and do your best
to be honest about yourself.
Don't offer your
address or phone number until you feel
comfortable. Sounds paranoid? Enter your number here
for an address and map to where you live.
Q: HOW DO WE PLAN A FIRST MEETING?
A: First of all, plan on meeting them somewhere;
Don't ride in the same car. If the meeting has a
shortfall you want to be able to escape. Also, I
recommend picking a safe, neutral spot in public
view. I prefer a place with atmosphere, but you don't
want to meet at a place where the atmosphere detracts
or diverts your attention from eachother. Coffee
houses or casual dinner somewhere are the two best
bets. A fun favorite of mine is a game of miniature
golf or possibly bowling if the weather isn't
cooperating. Meeting at a dance club is fun, but
doesn't
offer an atmosphere where you can talk. Save the
dancing for another time.
For women, it's usually
a safe bet to bring a friend. After all, it's just a
first meet.
Q: WHAT IF I'M BEING HONEST, BUT MY LOOKS STILL FALL
SHORT?
A: If your conversations prior to meeting were so
great that you decided to meet, then it's a good idea
to mention that no matter what happens when you meet
that you'd like to remain friends. This will relieve
some tension. Expect the worst and be happy if it
works out. As I said before, there are many people
who misrepresent themselves. One that I heard
recently was where all the correct steps were thought to be taken
and then the one person shows up at the coffee house
in a wheelchair with an unfortunate spinal
condition... "I didn't lie. You never asked me if I
could walk."
