The last couples months were frustrating for you. All your health problems haunted you such as diahrea but you didn't help it. You are still thinking about taking some pills to cure it, but you should try to stop breathing for a while. This way, you'll stop harassing people and I'm sure you'll have a better month. Say hello to God for me if he's around!

Another fortune spent on casinos and the lotto last month! Tsk tsk tsk...You have always been the most ridiculous human being in your family and you still try to win money to gain their respect. Unfortunatly the next month won't be much better cause you'll start drinking and will lose your love. Advice? Drink even more cause it won't be easy!

What a nice month for you! You'll have an advancment at work. Every body around will be proud of you and you'll have the opportunity to make a lot of plans with all that incoming money. Unfortunatly for you, this new job won't be syndicated like the other one before and it look like it was just a good way for your boss to kick your ass out of there.

This month looks nice for you but you don't want to listen to me and kill your dog so it won't be. Your dog will eat all your documents. You tought your computer was trustable? Your computer will fail at the same time. So you won't be able to look at your documents again and your business will fuck up cause of it. You should try Tylenol.

Nice moon for you this month! The problem? It look like you live on it. Your always out of reality and it causes you to do funny things like shit in the closet, call your wife by your dog’s name, piss on your boss’s car... I already told you to cut down your consummations and it don't work so maybe you should try to increase them this time.

The Last few months were very bad for you but September will be the best month of your life. Rather than loose your wife and your job, your mom and your dad will die in a car accident. Isn’t it much better? Not finished yet folks! You'll win at lotery!...5$

Love has been an exceptionally hard thing for you to find recently. This month and in coming months unfortunately your bad luck has not changed. However they have stores and shops made just for people like you. Spend the month shopping and you might find happiness is close at hand. .

You have been humiliated in the past from someone close to your heart. Your lucky streak has been almost a joke. Sadly Madam Zoloft must now inform you your unlucky and stupid, and its not getting any better. So you should try joining the circus, so you can be close to people just like you.

You have recently lost all of your limbs; you had intimate relationships with many at a low cost. However you have caught some suspicious diseases you should go see the local health clinic immediately. If you still have all your limbs and no diseases choose a different sign for this month.

You will be expecting children in your near future. Usually this is a very happy time. However in your case it is extremely depressing due to the fact that they will look just like you. So do you a favor get plastic surgery, and sell your children to a freak show.

Your love life is boring dull and incomplete, your living environment is filthy. You have begun to wonder if these two problems have anything in common. Well wake up stupid. Clean your house, take a bath, and go for a walk. It's the only way you'll ever get a date.

You have found that tv has become your life. You are stuck to the couch. Well unfortunately Madame Zoloft predicts that you are to have another fun month of tv reruns. Purchase the porn channel now or be forced to watch Andy Griffith for the 60th time.