Hey, this is personal! Oh well... everything you probably didn't want to know about me is probably here, so have fun...

16 AUGUST 2001: Hey folks, I read something today in our Guestbook that brought a little tear to my eye: "Dave, I've been checking out your site for over 5 months now, and have come to the conclusion I WANT to be a F/A! So I interviewed with 3 carriers, was invited to training by all 3,and in Sept. I will be training with ASA- the Delta Connection out of ATL and DFW! I am thrilled; and can't wait to get back and post a few stories of my own! GREAT SITE!" Ahh... it makes me proud to be part of such an endearing story. I hope she passes training with flying colors and becomes one big fat happy senior mama.

I've been flying a lot of hours this month. So much I'm never back at the house to do any updates. What I really need is a little portable computer, then my problems will be fixed. So if any of you rich flight attendants (ha, oxymoron...) want to sponsor the Bitch Page and send me a portable, I'll be more than happy to oblige.

The infamous bag tags are slowly but surely making their way to existence, and just to answer all those emails I've gotten this last month: no, the bag tags will not be photos of real flight attendants posing naked! What are you guys thinking?!? Also, I've noticed some fake "Flight Attendant Bitch Page" tags out there, and all I can say is... good job! More power to ya.

Hey, keep those emails coming! A keep on the lookout for a FABP comic! Gasp! What?!? Yep, you heard correct: a FABP comic. So if any of you have access to a scanner and want to draw me a version of a flight attendant or an airplane, I'll feature it somewhere in the comic. Just send it to our email: fabp_2000@hotmail.com.

06 JULY 2001: It's official! Passengers ARE stupid, check out their silly questions here . It's important to remember these are REAL questions on REAL flights. The shoot for our Bitch Tags went great (the model was absolutely beautiful), and as soon as I get the digital pictures back from our photographer, we'll be adding the new tags to our "Bitch Tags" section.

18 JUNE 2001: Well, the new bag tags ("Bitch Tags") are almost here! Tomorrow we'll be shooting our "flight attendant" (a model in the local area); obviously we can't use a someone actually in the industry due to the chance of being fired. (If you see what we have in store for these bag tags, they'll DEFINITELY be fired!) I'm real excited, these tags are gonna be a lot of fun. And if you've enjoyed the Bitch Page in the past, why not show your support and buy a couple of tags? $5.00 for two! WHAT A BARGAIN! So check back in the next few weeks and we should have some up ready for purchasing.

13 APRIL 2001: Shit. I didn't realize it was going to take me a whole TWO WEEKS to update. But the weird thing is it's FRIDAY THE 13TH, the Friday right before Easter. Weird, isn't it?

My crew on the MD-80 trip turned out to be really cool. I met this girl Andrea (new hire) who was pretty, young, and fun. We hung out together most of the trip. I really needed just to chill out and laugh, and she was this wacky girl from Texas who didn't mind making a fool out of herself. And I really respected her for that. I'll definetely keep in touch with her.

Check this out: we were talking during dinner and she said "yeah, back in high school I was the only black chick in P.E. class." And I thought "Black?!? What do you mean 'black'?" She was whiter than me! I mean, I know she's Creole from Louisanna, but does that make her black? I thought Creole was half white, half black...

Can you tell I'm a little drunk right now?

I'm taking the Bag Tags down for a little bit. I'm making some new ones (using photographs) that are gonna kick ass! And you can only buy these from the Bitch Page. If you've already ordered some recently, no sweat... you'll still get 'em. But hold off for the new ones, they're gonna kick some serious booty.

Did anybody notice all the free press Continetal got for those Navy guys on the spy plane? Can somebody say "WE WE'RE AT THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME!!!"

That's about it. My words of wisdom for the day is: don't date within the company, and always say "I'll be right back!" instead of "FUCK YOU!" when dealing the public. Oh yeah, and fly safe... Dave.

01 April 2001: Well, it's late on a Sunday night, and I'm just about to go to bed. Sorry I haven't updated the site this month, but a lot of shit happened lately and I've just been chilling out home recuperating. You know what I'm talking about: girlfriend dumped me at the beginning of the month, then I suffered the post-depression blues. Wouldn't have been so bad but I really cared for her. She made my day. (Is this sick or what?) Then I got food poisoning. And I had the whole month off for vacation! What luck. I go to work tomorrow (the first time in 30 days), and I'm kind of looking forwards to it. Not much, just a little. My first trip back is on the god-forsaken MD-80, so I'll probably quit as soon as I get back! Ha! I checked the computer, and the crew is prety new so I'm hoping to God that they're cool.

I know there's some stuff that's not working on the site, I'll fix them when I get back. There's going to be some cool changes in the next few weeks, so make sure to check back in the next few days. And keep those emails coming! And tell your friends! Fly safe, Dave.

01 March 2001: For a good laugh, read "You know you've been flying too long..." here. Pretty damn funny. Thanks Jetwaiter!

08 February 2001: Hey guys, the FABP site of the week is: www.airtoons.com. If you've stopped by the "Safety Card" section of our site, then you'll love this one. The website owner is constantly making new cards. Not much going on my side of town, but I wanted to thank everyone for all the great email stories... By the way, does anyone have any good photos relating to flight attendants or just airlines in general? Let me know! Fly safe, Dave.

23 January 2001: Well, you probably noticed the obvious: we now have a disclaimer. One of those blah blah blah "click-here-to-enter" dealies. This is just to protect you and me from Joe Schmoe trying to stick it to the "cause". If this is your first time stopping by or you haven't been by in a while, make sure to read The Stewardess Monologues. It's a must.

12 January 2001: Turn those phones off! "CELLULAR TELEPHONE MAY HAVE CAUSED DEADLY SWISS AIR CRASH: Swiss aviation investigators said yesterday that a mobile phone may have caused a Saab 340 to crash shortly after take-off from Zurich airport a year ago, killing all 10 passengers and crew on board." For the full story, click here.

03 January 2001: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BITCH PAGE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!" Wow, one year already? Where did the time go?!? Hey this is kinda humorous... the flight attendant bitch page was "selected as a potential candidate for a free listing in the 2000 - 2001 Edition of the International Executive Guild Registry." I didn't realize we were international or executive! I'd wonder if they'd keep "BITCH" in caps? Well, if only we had money... (I know it said free, but since when were scams ever free?) The FABP website of the week is www.airdisaster.com . Check it out!

28 DECEMBER 2000: Hey, I was reading some old pet peeves, and I came across this one which made me laugh because it's oh-so true! Kim the flight attendant writes "Or how about this-- when passengers throw their trash inside the ice bin on the cart!!! Hello moron-- didn't you just see me take ice out of there and put it in your cup?!?!?!?" Ha-ha! I lauged myself silly 'cause I just came across this person who threw his tissue in the ice tray, and I still hadn't made his wife's drink yet! Boy, was he lucky I cared enough to change the ice. Of course, I couldn't resist a smart comment made toward's his behalf: "Excuse me sir, but could you PLEASE NOT THROW YOUR TRASH INTO THE ICE BIN?!?!?" You should of seen all the passengers glare at him!

05 DECEMBER 2000: Well, how about that?!? I'm back from the grave! Sorry folks, but I've been working on some other projects the last couple months which have been keeping me away from the 'ole bitch page. I'm going to be adding some good new stuff in the next couple of weeks, so make sure to check back. And we finally have a mailing address if you're interested in buying some bag tags. Talk to you later...

13 AUGUST 2000: Just got back from a beautiful vacation and much needed rest. Problem is, after visting a wonderful foreign country everything back home has the "same 'ole, same 'ole" drag. Oh well, can't have everything, right? At least I finally went somewhere on my vacaction! Thanks to all the great and cheeky emails: even though I didn't know that FCO was Fiumicino, that doesn't mean I've never been outside the US! Remember, my airline flies only from New York to Japan. Well, I start flying next week, and I must say, I'm not really looking forwards to it...

05 AUGUST 2000: Hey, don't get pissed! I keep changing the format of the front page, I can't make up my mind... sorry! I'm going on a much-needed vacation away from here, thank god! I'll let you know how it goes. "Kick-Ass Polls" is up and running once again, and please make sure to stop by the message board and donate your ten cents. I stopped by the chat room the other night and was surprised to see THREE other people in there; had a great conversation about different airlines and the pros and cons of each. Keep up the bitching!

02 AUGUST 2000: Man, oh man, I'm so fucked up. I'm just writing this to get some shit off my chest (I know nobody actually reads this). I had a little fling with someone a long time ago, and I really fell for this girl. It's been almost a year since I've seen or talked to her, but I STILL CAN'T GET HER OUT OF MY FRIGGIN' MIND. Why is that? Why after all the one night stands and all the little relationships I've had since and before her, why do I still think about her? What's so special about HER? I've thought about still being friends with her, still talking to her, but after sharing experiences like that, why would I settle and just be friends? So now whenever I see her I just keep things short and concise and pretty much ignore her, and that tears me up. But it's the only way I know how to make the pain inside me from getting too big. I know life is a bitch sometimes, but shouldn't things work out every now and then? I WISH SHE WOULD JUST GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

15 JULY 2000: It's been verified! The Delta flight attendant died from a stroke in the lav last month on a full flight from FCO (what's FCO?) to ATL. She was in her mid 40's and was recently married with young children. The crew laid her in the back galley, covered her with a blanket, but did NOT work around her.

11 JULY 2000: Well, this isn't actually news, more like a rumor. SUPPOSEDLY a Delta flight attendant died in the airplane lav last month. The airplane was full enroute from somewhere in Europe to ATL so they laid her out in the rear galley, covered her with a blanket and worked around her! This was stricly heard from the grapevine. Can anyone verify this story? Write me...

07 JULY 2000: Alright Ladies and gentlemen (aka PASSENGERS), here's a little helpful advice. When you get on the airplane, and the flight attendant smiles and asks you "Hi! How ya doing?", don't grunt and say "Don't ask" and continue with your sulky-ass way. Think about it. Think REAL hard. Do you REALLY think we give one shit how your day is? Honestly? Do we really care? No friggin' way. We ask you because we're being POLITE, and the correst response is a POLITE one. Okay, I'll be real simple now for you simple-minders out there who left your brains at the security gate. Smiling flight attendant: "How are doing today?" Disgruntled passenger: (forcing smile) "Fine. How about you?" There. Was that so hard?

04 JULY 2000: Happy 4th of July everyone! Hopefully all you guys and gals out there will make 2 bottles of crew juice each for the occassion. I know I will! Be prepared: want to know how Maxim readers plan on having sex in the airplane? You do? So do I! Click here to find out what their dirty little minds are planning for your next flight.

27 June 2000: As you have probably noticed, the format has changed! (Hopefully for the better) If there's any blatant problems, please let me know. CALL FOR ENTRIES! We're looking for good and greasy stories, pictures, comments and everything in between. Please send your grub to fabp_2000@hotmail.com.

25 June 2000: Hey, check out the new photo competition. Should be fun, but please keep sending me those cool and funny pictures!

21 June 2000: You may see some stuff that doesn't work, please be patient as I'll be working on the site the next couple of days. And please, please keep sending me those juicy stories!

19 June 2000: Hey guys, what's up? Long time no see! It's been awhile since I've stopped by and said "hi", but the past month I've been sick (came down with a nasty pneumonia-- is that how you spell it?) which knocked my body out for the count. Then I took a much needed vacation overseas for about ten days, and just got back to the mainland yesterday. Have you ever worked on a project non-stop, then taken a few days off, and realized all the problems with it that you couldn't see before? Well, that just happened to me when I stopped by the site yesterday. I'll be working on some new pages and links the next few days, so make sure to stop by and test them out. And if there's any problems just let me know! Thanks for all the great emails and jokes, they made my day. I'm still recuperating so I'm gonna call it a night and start working tomorrow. See you folks later!

11 May 00: Hey guys, it's been a long time since I've been back but things have been busy, busy, busy! Looking around the page I've noticed some things have stopped working, specifically the Kick Ass Polls. As soon as I get to a real computer I'll fix the bugs. Me and the roommates just had a killer party, complete with 80 people, dancing, a pornstar, a rabbi, a sailor, a demonic Easter Bunny, skinny dipping in the pool, nasty twister, and a drunk time had by all. Want to see some pictures? So do I! Supposedly my naked drunk ass was in the middle of all the chaos and someone has got the pictures to blackmail me... I'm proud to announce that the FABP has broken the 5,000 mark! Congratulations everyone! I'm thinking about changing the Photo Contest once again, and I'm still working on the Ultimate F/A List. "The Adventures of Fannie Flygirl" has come to a screeching halt as our artist is busy finishing a comic book of his own. Thanks for all the great stories-- my mailbox was full of email! What a nice surprise. Keep up the bitching!

11 April 00: I've added some new polls to the "Kick Ass Poll" section so make sure to stop by and make your donation. The "Ultimate FA List" (new section) is still under works but everyone I've talked to about it thinks it's a great idea. Still no decision on the secret page. I just got back from a killer-cool trip, proof that fun can still be had during layovers...

05 April 00: Congratulations to John who won the photo contest with his photo of the two nude flight attendants, which won with an overwhelming 67% of total votes! I'm changing the format of the "Photo Contest" so there'll be a couple of contest going on at the same time, giving you guys a broader range of subjests. I'm proud to say there is plenty of bitching going on here, just a trip to the Message Board will prove me correct. Keep it up! I've gotten a few emails regarding the secret page, unfortunately I've taken it down for a while to discuss whether or not we should keep it up. I'll let you know what we decide. Please keep your stories coming!

17 March 00: I tried opening up the Bitch site from some public computer and got the message "Sorry, unable to show page in a public area." I wonder if it's those naked f/a's fault? Ha! Well, it's been a while since I've been able to work on this, but it looks like everyone out there is still keeping it strong! I've been working 5 days on, three off... and by the time I finally rest up from my last trip I'm packing my suitcase again. What a life. I've added some new stuff to the joke section and "Celebrity Action". I'm adding a new section called the "Ultimate FA List"; it'll take me a while to do this one, so keep checking back. Later!

07 March 00: The photo contest is now in full effect, with two pictures battling it out to win top prize! Still plenty of time to send some pics of your own; the theme for the present contest is "Sluttly Flight Hags". Keep the emails rolling and thanks for all the support!

02 March 00: I just got off a trip with these two insane flight attendants... one of the most memorable trips I've had yet. One of these days I'll tell you about it (once the heat dies down!) I've added two new sections-- "Safety Cards" and "Crew Juice". Thanks for all the great stories and photos! On further inspection (and to my disappointment), I've discovered that the safety cards that someone sent me via email were just copied from the "Airtoons" website... sorry Airtoons guy. You can get to his site from my links section.

23 Feb 00: Hey... if anyone has a few extra minutes could you read this article about the Northwest flight attendants who had their computers seized? The address is http://www.wsws.org/articles/2000/feb2000/nwa-fll.shtml. Is this anything I should be worried about?

22 Feb 00: I just got off this 3 day trip, and man, did it kick my ass! I slept the whole day away as soon as I got home... I've added some background images to the front page, is it slowing down the load time too much? I hope not, I like those foreboding dark skies. Stay tuned: I've got the next couple days off, so some new sections should be coming your way. It was my roommate's girlfriend's birthday today, and we all partied at her house. What a great time, about fifteen people showed up. Remember the game you used to play as a little kid where somebody says a sentence and whispers it into the ear of the person next to you and so on and so on until it gets to the end? Well, try playing that drunk off your ass! Then after midnight so more people showed up, and the guys from "Parliamont" (some band that's supposed to be big but I've never heard of them) pulled out this HUGE bag of pot, rolled some fatties, and puffed away! That's when the party really got wacky... and a bit fuzzy! The party finally ended around 5ish, and I woke up in the tall model girl's bed, so all in all it turned out to be a really good night!

18 Feb 00: I flew with this girl today who kinda of pissed me off. I'm a really easy-going kind of guy who doesn't really care about protocol unless it has to do with something about safety, and nothing is more important to me than safety on the aircraft. We just flew an hour and a half trip to our destination where bad weather conditions on the runway made us turn around and fly back to our original destination. So basically these people flew twice the time to end up right where they started! Now that's a big pain in the ass. So I told the f/a in the back galley if anyone wanted alcohol or beer just to comp it. The f/a said to me "Screw that. We only comp for mechanicals, not weather. That's more money for the company, more money for me." And I thought to myself, "Wow... are we that screwed up?" Case in point: what do I remember most about my Universal Studios trip with my two friends? Carmen (my friend) was having her period and a generally sucky day while visiting the park. She walked up to a little hot dog stand next to the roller-coaster; all she wanted was a hotdog, soda, and french fries. It came to about $8.50, and all she had was $4.00. Me and my friend checked our pockets and didn't have any cash. Carmen said "Forget it. It doesn't matter. My day sucks anyways." The Universal Studios guy smiled and said "Don't worry about it, just take it. On the house." Carmen said "Oh no... I couldn't do that. Won't you get in trouble?" You know what the guy said? "Shit. The day I start worrying about crap like that is the day I stop living." My friend almost cried she was so happy. All she wanted was a hotdog, fries, and a soda to go with her shitty period-cramped day. I looked at the guy and thought "right on." My feelings exactly. That's exactly the reason why I go back to Universal Studios-- cool rides and cool customer service. That loss of $8.00 turned into a gain of 3 come-back customers, a total of at least $100.00. Now... which is "more money for the company, more money for me?" And I know some people will automatically blurt out this company answer-- "But then people expect that the next time they fly". Then just tell them "Sorry, but company policy only comps for mechanicals, not weather. But the head f/a is feeling a bit generous today." How many times do I feel like doing that? Not often. But when people are cool and shitty things happen, sorry... I guess I have a soft spot. So fire me.

17 Feb 00: So has anyone found the secret page yet?!? I've added a new section "Kick-Ass Polls" which should be pretty fun. Still no submissions for the "Photo Contest", except for "In the Bowl, Stupid" sent by Mike for the theme "Unruly Passengers". Mike won by default since he was the only one who sent anything! Thanks for all the new jokes... I've decided not to persue the "beautiful but tall" model girl I was seeing last week. I hope I don't regret this, but I just can't get by the fact that she's taller than me! Is that some sort of chauvinistic male thing? I guess I just like the ability to pick a girl up and go at it standing up!

16 Feb 00: I took out my best friend of 10 years out for a little belated Valentine's Day dinner. I was flying on the 14th so couldn't celebrate, and she was dumped two days before by her "boyfriend"-- can you believe that?!? So we both got dressed up and had a really nice dinner... and I must say, she looked hot. And she's been working out and running a lot lately, and it definitely shows! I remember one time she asked how come we have never hooked up (not sex, I mean relationship), and I couldn't think of an answer because, honestly, I wasn't really sure! How weird would that be? Dating my best friend... can you have both?

15 Feb 00: I just got back from a trip today, and man, was it rough! Check out the new "Photo Contest" (formerly just the old "photo" section), and the new "Jumpseat Confessions" about all the wild stories we hear on the jumpseat. I've deleted the "Q & A" section (that was pretty boring), and I've added some new stories and stuff to "Funny! Funny!"

10 Feb 00: Have you made the Blacklist yet? Better check and make sure nobody's talking about you! I've added a new section "Spy vs. Spy", it should be pretty fun. It's about all the little tricks we play on each other while flying the skies. Special thanks to Josh for all the great stories!

09 Feb 00: I'm still trying to get the Merchandising section up and running. I've also added some more pictures around the site, hopefully it won't slow things down too much. Something happened to all the entries on the Blacklist... they seem to be deleted. Does that happen often with these message boards? Man, I'm really feeling sick to my stomache (I wonder if it was the omelette I had for dinner?), I think I'll call it a night.

08 Feb 00: I came up with some cool merchandising items, mostly bag tags, maybe some t-shirts. One bag tag is really funny; it looks like an official crew bag tag but instead of saying "Flight Crew Bag" it says "Flight Screw Hag"! Ha ha ha, well, at least I thought it was funny. Made some more logos on Adobe Photo Shop.

07 Feb 00: I've started to date this amazingly beautiful girl called Lynn back at my home town, she's definitely model quality, in a sort of tall, amazon sort of way. Very, very thin, but very, very tall. Well, she's not THAT tall, but is taller than me, probably around 6 feet. I hope the whole size thing doesn't bug me out too much, 'cause I'm definitely a size, waist, and stomache kind of guy. My ideal girl is small with a thin waist and killer stomache. About a week after I met her I found out she was only 19 years old! Whoops! Should I feel guilty about that? Maybe I should, but I don't. She's just too cool. And a killer body...

06 Feb 00: Success! I submitted my site to The Crewmember's Ring and was officially denied! Now that's some exciting news, about time I finally offended someone. I'll keep working hard and hopefully will come up with some other quirky and funny (and slightly offending!) pages. Stay tuned...

05 Feb 00: I'm working on some new sections as we speak (type!) Check out "Pet Peeves" and "Merchandise", plus I'm thinking about adding a "Secret Page"; of course, I can't tell you what it is, you'll have to find it... How's the speed for the pages loading in? I'm adding background images, but I'll take them out if it's taking too long.