So...Your Friend is a Multiple

You’ve found out that your friend is a multiple...so now what do you do? Well, for starters, consider yourself very, very, very special. Most multiples (at least those I’ve had the privilege to know) don’t tell just anyone about their multiplicity. The fact that they’ve told you says a lot about the value they’ve placed on your friendship.
Now that you’re “in the know”, you probably have a lot of questions, especially if the concept of MPD/DID is new to you. I know I had tons of questions myself, and fortunately, my friends were really patient and extremely willing to answer them for me. What I’m hoping to do here is answer some of those questions, and share what I’ve learned, based on my own experiences. If you have a question that isn’t addressed here, by all means, feel free to e-mail me, and if I have the answer for it, I’ll add it to the page.
NOTE: In the paragraphs below, you may occasionally find words that have letters replaced by asterisks, like this: ab*se. This is completely intentional, and is one of the ways potentially triggering words are written online.

First, and most importantly, being multiple does NOT mean your friend is crazy. Multiplicity is a survival mechanism which enabled them to survive stuff most of us can’t even begin to imagine.
Your friend has taken a VERY big risk in confiding their multiplicity to you. Many have lost close friends once they have revealed their multiplicity. Please don’t abandon your friend because of their MPD/DID, claim that they are lying, or broadcast it to everyone you know. It’s unfeeling, cruel and, in my opinion, totally unworthy of the amount of trust they’ve placed in you.
Your friend is still the same friend that you had before you knew about their MPD/DID. Knowing about your friend’s multiplicity may, however, explain some things that you’ve perceived as “moodiness”, or why they sometimes have forgotten conversations, appointments, etc.
Most multiples are NOT like those portrayed in movies/television. While Sally Field did an excellent acting job in “Sybil”, most multiples aren’t like that in real life. Often, switching is not obvious. I’ve had times where my friends have switched, and I haven’t even noticed.

Please try to remember that ALL insiders (even those you may consider to be more “difficult”) helped to keep your friend alive, and deserve to be shown respect. ALL need love, kindness, understanding and patience. If you don’t give up on them, the rewards can far outweigh any initial difficulties you might encounter.
Many have been told years and years of lies about themselves and other people, by those that ab*sed them, in order to keep them afraid, and to keep them from telling about the ab*se. At times, you may find yourself being asked “Why should I believe YOU?” or “How do I know YOU'RE not lying?” when you try to point out the lies they’ve been told. Be patient, and try to answer as best as you can, even though it may seem like you’re being interrogated. Explain that those who lied to them did so to keep themselves from getting into trouble for what they did, and that you have no reason to lie. Try to understand that, underneath all of the questions, is someone who , really does need proof that the lies they were told aren’t true.
Asking to speak to a specific alter, when another one is “out” is considered rude, for the most part. If you think about it, how would you like it if you were talking to someone, and they said they wanted to talk to someone else? It IS ok though, to ask if there’s someone inside who can help, if your friend is going through a rough time.

Copyright © 1997, Carol A. Martzinek
Links for Supportive Friends and Significant Others

Divided Hearts Supporters Forum Divided Hearts has one of the best web forums for Significant Others and Supportive Friends of Multiples that I've come across.
The Significant Other's Guide to Dissociative Identity Disorder This is a very informative, easy to read basic 'guidebook' for Supporters of Multiples. It includes a recommended reading list, links to online resources, information about insurance, public assistance, etc.
SFSOM E-mail Support List This is a relatively active list for Supportive Friends and Significant Others of Multiples. I was on this list for a while, until time constraints necessitated unsubscribing. I found it to be a very supportive list for Supportive Others.

I plan on adding more links and other info of interest to friends of multiples. I'll also be writing more about what I've learned through my own experiences as time allows. If you have specific info that you're looking for, feel free to e-mail me, and I'll try to help!

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	First, and most importantly, being multiple does NOT mean your friend is crazy. Multiplicity is a survival mechanism which enabled them to survive stuff most of us can’t even begin to imagine.
	Your friend has taken a VERY big risk in confiding their multiplicity to you. Many have lost close friends once they have revealed their multiplicity. Please don’t abandon your friend because of their MPD/DID, claim that they are lying, or broadcast it to everyone you know. It’s unfeeling, cruel and, in my opinion, totally unworthy of the amount of trust they’ve placed in you.
	Your friend is still the same friend that you had before you knew about their MPD/DID. Knowing about your friend’s multiplicity may, however, explain some things that you’ve perceived as “moodiness”, or why they sometimes have forgotten conversations, appointments, etc.
	Most multiples are NOT like those portrayed in movies/television. While Sally Field did an excellent acting job in “Sybil”, most multiples aren’t like that in real life. Often, switching is not obvious. I’ve had times where my friends have switched, and I haven’t even noticed.
	Please try to remember that ALL insiders (even those you may consider to be more “difficult”) helped to keep your friend alive, and deserve to be shown respect. ALL need love, kindness, understanding and patience. If you don’t give up on them, the rewards can far outweigh any initial difficulties you might encounter.
	Many have been told years and years of lies about themselves and other people, by those that absed them, in order to keep them afraid, and to keep them from telling about the abse. At times, you may find yourself being asked “Why should I believe YOU?” or “How do I know YOU'RE not lying?” when you try to point out the lies they’ve been told. Be patient, and try to answer as best as you can, even though it may seem like you’re being interrogated. Explain that those who lied to them did so to keep themselves from getting into trouble for what they did, and that you have no reason to lie. Try to understand that, underneath all of the questions, is someone who , really does need proof that the lies they were told aren’t true.
	Asking to speak to a specific alter, when another one is “out” is considered rude, for the most part. If you think about it, how would you like it if you were talking to someone, and they said they wanted to talk to someone else? It IS ok though, to ask if there’s someone inside who can help, if your friend is going through a rough time.

	Divided Hearts Supporters Forum Divided Hearts has one of the best web forums for Significant Others and Supportive Friends of Multiples that I've come across.
	The Significant Other's Guide to Dissociative Identity Disorder This is a very informative, easy to read basic 'guidebook' for Supporters of Multiples. It includes a recommended reading list, links to online resources, information about insurance, public assistance, etc.
	SFSOM E-mail Support List This is a relatively active list for Supportive Friends and Significant Others of Multiples. I was on this list for a while, until time constraints necessitated unsubscribing. I found it to be a very supportive list for Supportive Others.