 |
Okay, you asked for it...
(last updated: June 27, 1998) |
 |
|
Okay, you asked for it...
(last updated: June 27, 1998) |
|
First of all I'd like to aplogize for any strange expressions you may find in this text. I'm Austrian and my native
language is German. So please be patient with my English as it might sound a little weird sometimes.
I still dress occasionally when I'm alone, but that's not
too often. Anyway thanks to the blessings of the WWW I can be
Judy every day and I enjoy every minute of it.
in case you prefer the mere facts brought right down to the point please feel free to have a look at my Stats Page.
and of course there's large coverage of my first day out in the real world as well as day 2.
I'm a child of the sixties and as I'm writing this I am age 34.
My earliest crossdressing memories go back to the mid sixties.
I was my parents' only child but there was a girl I'd say I grew
up with. Our fathers have been class mates and our families met
at least every weekend.
We did all the role plays kids usually do and I always
insisted in taking over female characters.
As kids are always more tolerant than adults it was okay by her
and she even let me wear her dresses whenever I wanted to
(which of course was more than often). Actually
I even remember being out of the house wearing a blue summer
dress with white polka dots and puffed sleeves. This was the first
(and only) time that a stranger called me "girl" on the street.
I was only about 5 or 6 years but I was so thrilled that I still
have a very vivid memory of that particular day.
This went on till we were about 14 and one day she asked me
"Do you really need to look feminine all the time?". -
"No," I lied... and this part of my childhood was history.
As our contact grew loose with time marching on I continued
dressing in my mother's clothes whenever my parents went out
in the evening. I let my hair grow long and with the
appropriate makeup and hairdo I was quite pleased with my fem
looks. I never left the house en femme though and I felt there
was no way I could tell my parents about my dressing experiences.
That time I started absorbing any TV- or TS- related information
from whatever media would provide it. I had a large collection of
transvestite pics and newspaper articles. No porn, of course. I
never missed a female impersonator show on TV (television, that is
- *grin*). Finally when I was 18 I bought a book titled "As A Woman"
It contained many photos and a little information of and about
Australian TV's and TS's. Many of them were working in 'All Male
Revues' and I was dreaming of moving to Australia some day and
join their community.
I kept all these treasures hidden in a drawer and when I moved
in with my SO I was too shy to take them with me. I stored them
in a laundry basked at my parents' basement. After a couple
of years my Mom cleaned up the basement and.... TOO BAD, THEY'RE GONE NOW!
I was quite unsure where my place in society might be. I was so
much attracted to girls and I wanted to look like one of them
the same time. This turned out to be quite a high steeple when
it came to mating matters.
Actually mating wasn't a thing that really happened.
The girls I knew all told me I was the best friend to talk to
but they didn't want to go any further.
This went on until I was 24 and met the girl that's now
my wife. Actually when we met I felt it was the first time
someone was really interested in me. I was very nervous that
first night I stayed with her and I confessed to her that I
didn't have sex before. She was very kind and patient and let
me take all the time I needed to calm down my tension.
We were talking a lot these nights and one night I decided
to tell her about my crossdressing secret. I was thinking of
the proper words so long that when they finally were said
there was no reply... she had fallen asleep in the meantime.
Well, as my wife is a rather dominant person (socially, that is)
and I hate being dominated (without even claiming the right to
dominate others for myself) we got into all kinds of fights over
the years. So I considered it would be better not to make another
start coming out to her as a tranny. This state lasted almost a
decade. I occasionally dressed up when I was alone, being even more
pleased with my fem appearance than I was in my younger days.
I bought her lots of bangles just to wear them myself. Yes, I
must admit I'm a bit obsessed with bangles. I love to feel them all
over my arms and love the nice sound when they jingle with every
move I make. Actually I wore so many of them at once that they
didn't get the slightest chance to jingle any more :)
Anyway, some day she must have decided they were out of fashion
and threw them all away. When I found out they were gone it sure
was one of the hardest days in my life...
Okay, still in the closet after all these years I went online
in 1996 and soon found Donna's chatrooms. I made a lot of friends
in there and got more and more in balance with that inner self of
mine.
I analyzed my own situation and think I even found some
reasons for my uncommon preferences.
My Mom raised me to the principle of equality so much that
I guess she almost idolized the weaker parts of society.
I always learned that a woman deserves the deepest respect
and has to be treated as thoughtfully as possible. Now who
wouldn't wish to be in that position?
Also in my parents' eyes, girls always were nice and cute
and beautiful while boys either were bad or bright.
I always was presented as a bright kid to other adults. But
I didn't give a damn about being bright; I wished so much
someone would merely tell me I was nice. Then again I wasn't
a girl, so maybe I wasn't supposed to be nice...
Having found out all that I decided my SO has got a right
to know that I've been hiding a big part of my personality
from her for so long. Of course I don't want to rush in at her
but one evening in May '96 I finally found the nerve to start
a conversation on transgender issues.
That very evening I told her about all those
experiences from my childhood. She seemed very receptive for
that and I decided to slowly reveal more to her. Of course
I didn't mention my dressing or my visits to the Pink Room so
far. I'm still waiting for another relaxed moment to step
further with that.
I'm really hoping that some day I'll be fully out to her.
She could sure help me with make-up tips, choosing wardrobe, the works
and finally take some pics of me I could post in here.
Still it's hard to pick up the thread again. The only thing
I can say for now is that our fights got less since I started
telling her the results of my little childhood analysis.
I'm finally able to accept Judy as a part of my personality
that I don't have to be ashamed of. On the other hand my fem
side still accepts my male part (such as going to the soccer
ground, hold on to a plastic cup of beer and roar with the crowd..)
Right now I feel it's the best of both worlds. I'm really not
sure how far this will get me. One never knows what the future
might bring, BUT I'M PREPARED TO FACE IT!
Well, this story obviously seems a little outdated now that I've taken my first pics. If I haven't bored you too much by now please see the next page to find out how I eventually managed to let this little bird fly....
Please note that the pictures along with the text on this page obviously don't show me.
All the girls are genetic females that all match the image of my goal in some way.
To see the real me please proceed to my Photo Index
Get your own Free Home Page