| I'm numb, I think, sitting in a random chair off to the side of the dance floor. I can't feel anything. Tears were threatening to spill over and mess up my eye makeup while at the same time I was fighting the urge to rant and rave like a maniac at the sight of him dancing with her. That should be me out there with him, not her, I think, purely out of annoyance. Heather walks over and puts her arm on my shoulder in some sort of a comforting gesture. I'm surprised I even realize that she's sitting there. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asks, apparently oblivious to the scene unfolding in front of us. I can't speak; if I do, I'm sure I'll break down. My mouth opens and closes once before I jerk my head in the direction of the dance floor, hoping she would get the hint. She does. She looks over toward where my whiplash was headed, and frowns. "Ali, don't worry about that," she says with an uncertainty in her voice that scares me. "Heathe, I'm numb," I manage to mutter, standing up and walking toward the bathroom. Like a good friend, she follows me. I sit down on the couch positioned facing the door, my light blue dress almost making me slide off the creme colored leather. Heather sits next to me. "Why are you numb?" she asks carefully, as if I might break at any moment. I fear that I will. I stare straight into space as I answer. "I'm just numb. I can't feel anything anymore. I have the urge to scream at the top of my lungs, to bawl like a baby and to hurl myself out the window. I can't decide." Heather frowns. "Ali, don't say that." I look at her with a Dead Serious Look. "It's true, why shouldn't I?" I'm starting to get hysterical, the pitch of my voice is raising with every word that comes out of my mouth. "Heather, do you have any idea how long I've liked him? Over a freaking year, that's how long," I say, answering my own question. I stand up and begin to pace in front of the couch purely out of frustration. "She hasn't liked him nearly as long as I have. And the only reason she likes him was because I stuck that stupid freaking picture of him on my freaking website. THAT was the first time she saw him; she didn't know a damn thing about him. It's my own fault that they're dancing right now, this is all my fault." On the verge of tears, I collapse on the couch, holding a hand to my now pounding head. Heather is silent for a moment. "Ali, she would've started to like him sooner or later, your website had nothing to do with that." I look at her in shock. "Whose side are you on?" I ask, thoroughly confused. "Are you trying to make me feel better or are you trying to give me that extra shove out the window?" Heather rolls her eyes. "That's not what I meant. I meant that it's not your fault that they're dancing right now." She pauses while I give her my Heartbroken Face and bury my head in the corner of the couch. "Ali, you'll dance with him tonight, don't worry." "Heather, there are only so many slow songs," I mumble, not taking my head out of the couch's corner. "And they're mostly over." I'm sure she's rolling her eyes. I can't be positive, because the only thing in my vision at that second is the arm of the couch. Either way, she was silent for a few seconds. She sighs. "What's meant to happen will happen. Don't dwell on this - if you don't dance with him tonight, you will eventually if you were supposed to." "Yeah," I mutter, still facing the couch. I look back to Heather, who is craning her neck to try and look through the little window in the door. My turn to sigh. "I know you wanna dance with Brian, so go and dance with him." She looks to me in surprise. "Just go," I say, pointing to the door. "You know you want to. You might as well dance with your boyfriend. I wanna be alone for a few anyway, don't worry about me. Go," I say, giving her shoulder a slight shove toward the door, almost sending her flying off the couch. "Alright," she says, standing up and heading toward the door. "But if you need anything, a shoulder to cry on, anything at all, just get me, you know where I am," she says before I nod and she exits the room. So here I am, all alone, sitting in the bathroom of the Woodlands. I should be dancing with my friends right now - the slow song has since ended - but I'm not. I'm missing my Senior Prom (by sitting in a bathrom) because I'm simply not sure if I can even look my "friend" in the eye after dancing with him. We've had a competition going on for months; it's going to be a year in August. Everyone knew that I liked him, everyone that was at Jenn's birthday party, anyway. I mentioned him somehow, I honestly don't remember exactly what I said - but when she replied, "Oh, you mean my boyfriend from BHT?" I nearly jumped into the pool she was floating in (sneakers, jeans and all) and strangled her. Everyone saw the look on my face when she said it; it was a combination of shock, confusion and anger. She kept on saying that she would never get him, that it was impossible because she was a year younger than me (and I was seventeen). But here she is, dancing at her date's Prom (he didn't have anyone else to go with and she offered) with the guy that I've liked for over a freaking year. Wow, it has been over a year, hasn't it... Whaddya know. I remember the first time I saw him... **fade into smoke ::coughcough::** I was sixteen. I had made mysef buy tickets to a general admission LFO concert at a club. And I let my friends Anne, Erin and Susan drag me there at eleven in the morning when the concert was at seven at night. I didn't even like LFO, I still don't... And I hate general admission concerts, I always got hurt at the damn things by being thrown into the barricade or getting squished in a crowd. What made me buy that ticket in the first place is something that I'm still trying to figure out. I was sitting on the sidewalk about five people from the entrance to the building, it was about three-thirty in the afternoon. I was quite bored, and I was getting hungry, since at that point, the only thing I had eaten all day was a strawberry Pop Tart at eight AM. It was also getting cold and I had forgotten my jacket, making me even more cranky. I decided to take a small walk to the nearby McDonald's and get myself an apple pie or something cheap and warm up a bit, so I stood up and stretched. I began walking while my arms were extended above my head, and I wasn't exactly paying attention to where I was wandering. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, came this gorgeous guy, walking in my direction. I froze in my tracks. I suddenly forgot what to do with my arms, so I let them drop to my sides like bags of sugar. His eyes... That was the first thing that attracted him to me, his eyes. They were (and still are, mind you) the most amazing shade of blue that I had ever seen in my life. He was apparently preoccupied and didn't notice me standing there gawking; he was heading toward where the radio station had set up for the day with a purpose. He walked by me, muttering "Excuse me" as he passed by me and kept on walking right past me. I got a whiff of CKOne as he walked by, stepping up onto the deck and saying something to another DJ there. I was hooked from the first glance into his eyes. There was something about him; and I wouldn't be saying that unless I actually meant it because I hate it when people use phrases like that. But there seriously was something about him; maybe I inhaled a bit too much of his cologne or something. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since that day. Six months later, she informed everyone that I had Competition when it came to him. My Competition just put me out of the running. She saw him a whole lot more than I did, she basically stalked the guy. Not that I wasn't trying my damdest to stalk him as often as humanly possible too, she just succeeded in it a whole lot more often than I did. I always missed him by thismuch. This irked me to no end. I'm happy for her. Really. I am. She's my friend, and she's happy. Seriously. I'm not being sarcastic here. I do wanna see my friend happy. I don't wanna see her sad or angry or hurt, because that makes me feel like crap. I'm a caring person, what can I say. She has no idea that I feel like this, otherwise I'm sure she would feel the same way. At least, I hope she would. I don't wanna give him up. Call me selfish, but I really don't. He means the world to me; I would turn around and die for that man right now, I am sure of it. I can't tell you how many stars I've wished on, how many times I've prayed and begged that I would get even the smallest bit closer to him. I always said that I would wish on every single star in the sky if it would get me closer to him; I think at this point I have about seven stars left. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I should just stop trying. Wishing on stars isn't going to get me anywhere near him, it's useless. And I suppose Heather is right, as hard as that is to admit to myself. What's meant to happen will happen. After sulking for a good half an hour and watching giggling girls that I haven't spoken to since I was in seventh grade enter and exit the bathroom, I decided to suck it up and attempt to have a good time. The instant I step onto the dance floor, she dances over to where I'm standing. Oh no... I don't need this now. I take a deep breath before she starts to babble. I really don't need this right now. The music is too loud, she's talking entirely too fast and to top it all off, I'm trying to tune her out, so I don't understand half of what she says. I just stand there nodding my head dumbly, hoping she will get the hint. She apparently doesn't. She stands there babbling for a good few minutes, through Baby Got Back and a few seconds into I Could Not Ask For More, until her mouth suddenly stops moving in mid-word. She is staring at something behind me, staring directly over my head. I can't help it if I'm short and she's tall. Curiousity gets the better of me, just as it usually does, and I decide to turn around. What I see makes my mouth drop as well. But I quickly regain my composure and instead of just standing there looking stupid, I put a confused/shocked/thrilled look on my face. It's the only expression I can actually remember to make at this point. He smiles. Directly at me. I freeze. Now what the hell am I supposed to do with my hands... I ask myself while he gets closer and they suddenly drop at my side. This always happens when I get around him. My hands turn into ten-pound bags of sugar. Never fails. "Hey, Ali, right?" he asks, leaning over and speaking close to my ear so he doesn't have to shout over the music. I nod my head, unable to speak. "Wanna dance with me?" he asks, holding out his hand and giving me a smile that seems slightly on the shy side. He makes me smile. That expression on his face is priceless. I shake my head yes, still wondering where my voice went, and I take his hand. He guides me to the center of the dance floor, weaving his way through dancing couples, making them turn and stare after us. He turns around and smiles again, taking his hands and depositing them around my waist. I'm numb, I think, putting my arms around his neck. I can't feel anything. Tears were threatening to spill over and mess up my eye makeup while at the same time I was fighting the urge to rant and rave like a maniac as he pulls me closer to him. I must be dreaming... Heather comes into my vision as we turn, swaying to the music with her boyfriend. She gives me a shocked look for a second, then grins like a maniac over Brian's shoulder. She gives me the Thumbs Up sign and smiles. I can't move; if I do, I'm sure I'll break down. I raise my eyebrows once and smile, looking from Heather to him, and back to Heather, hoping she'll get the hint. She does. She shakes her head and smiles just as he starts to sing the song softly in my ear... "Looking in your eyes, seeing all I need, Everything you are, is everything to me. These are the moments, I know heaven must exist. And these are the moments, I know all I need is this. I have all I've waited for, and I could not ask for more..." So he's not the world's greatest singer. He'll do for now. "I'm NUMB," I mouth to Heather. I catch her grin before he turns me again. |
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