blonde Amazon spun, delivering a bone-rattling roundhouse kick to her
assailant's chest whom fell to the jungle floor on his back, gasping like a
fish. Gabrielle shoved her boot onto the assailant's neck and looked down, snarling. Her eyes widened in surprised recognition.
It was Burnett. And near the prone man was what appeared to be a flying
machine of some sort.
"What's going on," growled the bard, her foot to Burnett's throat.
"Help. Trying to help…you," gasped the producer who waved a small, white piece of paper in his hand. "Island Goddesses…not much time."
Gabrielle took her boot off Burnett's neck and backed away warily. He
climbed off the ground, brushing the dirt off his khakis and rubbing his
neck. Gabrielle reached quickly to her boots and unsheathed her sais.
"Wow, that was truly amazing, mate," said Burnett, coughing, his eyes
watering.
Gabrielle raised an eyebrow at the producer.
"Oh. Uh. Yes, of course. My crew has found incredibly intense isotopic levels and high magnetic polarity at the middle of the island," Burnett said.
He noticed Gabrielle looking at him as if he were speaking English.
"I mean…we found the Island Goddesses' seat of power. Their Mount
Olympus, if you will. This map shows you the way."
"How do you know about the goddesses?" asked Gabrielle suspiciously.
"Who doesn't know about them by now," said Burnett. "They're not exactly into covert behavior."
"Why do you want to help us find them?" asked Gabrielle, not sure whether she should trust the producer.
"Simple," smiled Burnett. "This is my island. I'm the power here. I want the Island Goddesses gone so I can produce my television series and make lots of money."
"That was simple," said Gabrielle.
"Now, we've been monitoring their hide-out and the energy levels are
reaching critical mass and a meltdown is imminent," continued the producer.
Gabrielle squinted at Burnett.
The Aussie searched for a non-scientific explanation. "Um, they're about to lose their goddesshoods. And if that happens, you and Xena will be stuck here on this island...forever."
Grabielle gasped in shock.
Burnett didn't know if Xena and Gabrielle would be stuck if the Island
Goddesses lost their power. He had just said that in an attempt to scare
Gabrielle into going along with his plan.
"But they'll find out I have the map and stop us from finding them,"
Gabrielle interrupted the Survivor producer’s sneaky train of thought.
"They won't know you have the map," said Burnett, reaching into his back pocket.
Gabrielle moved to launch a sai at the producer.
"Easy, easy," said Burnett, pulling out a small pen. The contraption was
emitting a lavender, glowing light much like the light that had oozed from
the fan fiction time rip.
"We were able to map their energy DNA. From that we constructed this
device to interrupt the isotopic rayon periscopes," said Burnett.
Gabrielle squinted in confusion.
"Um, it's magic…from the gods..."
"Which god," said a suspicious Gabrielle.
"Gadgetdite," replied Burnett hastily. "Basically, it hides you from the Island Goddesses' vision."
"Like Hades' helmet," said the bard.
It was Burnett's turn to squint.
"Hades. God of the Underworld…"
Burnett looked at her blankly, trying to access what little mythology he
could remember. "Hades. God of the Underworld. That's like our hell," he
mused.
"When Xena and I were in Tartarus, we could put on Hades' helmet of
invisibility and none of the gods could see us," explained the bard.
"Yes. Yes! Just like Hades' helmet but with a bonus. They can't hear you,
either," said Burnett. "However, we don't know how long this magic will last and you have to stand no further than ten feet away from the light."
"How do you know it works?" asked Gabrielle.
"Um, ‘cuz I say so?" tried Burnett.
The bard frowned.
"Actually, mate, we tested it. The Island Goddesses don't seem to like
anything to do with Joxer," said Burnett
"Or Ares," interjected Gabrielle.
"Well, that makes sense. They seem to believe that you and Xena belong
together. Anyway, we played a video of Joxer singing the Joxer the Mighty song over and over again. When the pen was on, nothing happened because they couldn't see or hear the video. But when we played the video away from the pen…or with the pen off…invariably a large rock would plummet from the sky and crush the television playing the video."
"That sounds like the Island Goddesses, all right," said Gabrielle dryly.
"Listen, this has been a nice conversation and all, but you've got to hurry if you want to get to the Island Goddesses," urged Burnett.
"I have to find Tapert first," said Gabrielle. "He's in trouble and he needs
help."
Burnett looked at the bard in utter disbelief.
"You're kidding, right, mate? That man is responsible for the hell you've
been through the past few years: literally and figuratively. Leave him to his just desserts, I say."
Gabrielle frowned. "We're not leaving without Tapert. He deserves to go
home, too."
Burnett shook his head. "You really are a good person, aren't you? What a waste," he sighed. "All right. We made a few magic pens. I have a second one," he pulled another pen from his other back pocket "So that I can get back to the compound without the Island Goddesses finding out what I've been up to. I'll make a detour on the way back, find Tapert and get him to the Island Goddesses where you all can meet up."
"Agreed," said Gabrielle. Burnett stepped forward. The blonde warrior
moved into attack position, wielding her lethal sais.
"I'm not trying anything. Honest, mate," said Burnett warily. He placed the map and the pen on the ground in front of Gabrielle. The Survivor producer backed away, palms facing the bard so that she would know he meant her no harm. He climbed onto the hovercraft.
"Good luck. I hope you find a way off my island and back home," he said.
Burnett took off into the jungle as he muttered under his breath and out of Gabrielle's earshot. "Because if this doesn't work, I'm gonna blow up their little Island Goddess play pen."
Gabrielle waited until the producer was out of sight before picking up the
map and the strange contraption Burnett left behind.
The bard knew the producer wasn't being completely truthful. She felt it in her bones. But she believed he wanted the Island Goddesses off the island. And she now had a map of their location, and possibly a magical tool.
So, we're going to finally meet these Island Goddesses, she thought.
Gabrielle hoped she and Xena were up to the task…or battle, if need be.
"I'm getting tired of duking it out with gods," sighed the bard. "This time
we're gonna try talking."
Gabrielle held up the map and began to look it over when she heard a
familiar warrior cry.
Xena and Colleen crashed into the clearing. Xena had her sword and
chakram drawn, and was yelling her battle roar at the top of her lungs.
Gabrielle immediately unsheathed her sais, spinning around.
Xena and Colleen spun around the clearing as well. Warrior and bard faced each other. Collen's eyes darted back and forth between the blonde and the dark warrior. No one moved. Gabrielle was first to break the lethal, weapon-drawn silence.
"Um, what's up?" Gabrielle asked.
"I thought you were in danger," said a sheepish Xena, sheathing her sword and hitching her chakram. "But, obviously, you're just fine."
"Awww. You're so cute," smiled Gabrielle, scrunching her nose and smiling.
"Gaaabrielle," warned Xena. "You can't call me cute in front of people. It
takes away from my warrior image… Hey, what's that you got there?"
Xena asked, pointing at the map and glowing pen.
The Amazon handed the map to the warrior and briefed her and Colleen on all that had happened with Burnett.
"Gabrielle, with their powers, the Island Goddesses could just hide the
entrance to their Mount Olympus or keep us running in circles for hours,"
said Xena.
"This is true," the blonde acknowledged. "But we know from Fifth-usia that they can't possibly see everything all of the time. And with this magic weapon, they won't know what we're up to."
"If it works and Burnett isn't just jerking us around like everyone else on
this island," interrupted the warrior.
"He definitely has his own agenda," acknowledged Gabrielle. "But I think
that works in our favor as well, Xena. He wants us off the island and we
want to get off the island. If we're careful, we've got a chance of finding the goddesses without them catching on."
"Then what?" asked Xena.
"Sensitive chat time," replied Gabrielle.
Xena and Colleen stared at Gabrielle in disbelief.
"Oh, no, it's viscious butt kicking time," exclaimed the Warrior Princess.
"What she said," added the co-ed.
Xena and Gabrielle looked at Colleen in shock.
"Well, it's obvious Tapert's never going to get it," shrugged Colleen. "So the goddesses…as beautiful, gorgeous and fabulous as they are…need to just get over it."
"We've seen their power, you two," cajoled Gabrielle. "Let's try talking first, whaddaya say?"
"I don't want to!" said a very frustrated warrior. "We're never going to get
home by talking."
"Xena, come on. We've been fighting gods for years now. Just this
once…let's talk. Please," said the bard, using her sweetest 'I'm gonna get
what I want' look. "Come on, you can catch more bees with honey than
vinegar."
"Bees sting, Gabrielle. Try a different analogy," Xena said, folding her hands over her plentiful chest.
"OK, OK, you can attract more…flies with honey than vinegar," the bard
tried again. "Talking is good, you know."
"Well, you can talk just about anyone into anything. Including Cyclops,"
smiled the warrior as she relented. "All right. We'll try it your way but if
there's any back talk from these goddesses, it's butt-kickin' time."
"Sounds like a plan," smiled Gabrielle.
