We all loved the Troma classic CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH, and those sicko psychos from New Jersey are back again to bring us this sequel... though I don't think it's really a sequel... and it sucks. None of the former cast returns, and the atomic atrocities don't even take place at Tromaville High School, but at a Junior College... so shouldn't it be CLASS OF NUKE 'EM UNIVERSITY? CLASS OF NUKE 'EM COMMUNITY COLLEGE perhaps? Either way we open with a quick recap of the first film with a montage that ends, "that was then, and this is now". Following the destruction of Tromaville High by the folly of the Tromaville Nuclear Plant at the end of NUKE 'EM HIGH, the plant had to make amends for the fuck up in order to stay in business. They did so by building the Tromaville Institute of Technology on their facilities. Basically, there's a college campus built into the plant now... There's still gangs of morons wandering the school ground this time too, but the babes also run around in bikinis since there's such limited locker space... that makes no sense, but at least Troma's playing to the horny male viewers, of which I am one :)

After the wacky opening narrative and theme music, which explains all this background stuff to us, we come into the story in the middle of widespread panic, as a giant radioactive squirrel named Tromie stomps the school grounds and pisses toxic waste on everything! Amongst the devastation is our hero Roger Smith, a beefcake of a man with an unconquerable BO problem and one braincell with which to power his entire massive frame... he must be from Venice Beach. We join Rog as he and the love of his life (a broad named Victoria, who we learn more about during the gratuitous flashback) are about to be swallowed up by the chaos. Determined to let his story live on even if he doesn't, Roger decides to reaccount the past week of his life to his little tape recorder. Yes, the moron's a reporter. So, let's rewind now, back to a time when "our brains were growing and our bodies were glowing"...

The memorable Cretins of NUKE 'EM HIGH have been replaced this time, by a far more pathetic gang known as the Squirrels... yes, the Squirrels. And they're the most menacing group around, feared by everyone and fearing no one... except for the Young Pre-pubecent Boys on Rollerblades... again, I'm not shitting you... We follow Roger as he goes about his day, wallowing in his loneliness, getting shot down by babes left and right, due to his overwhelming armpit stink. Being the campus paper's "ace" reporter, Rog finds himself frequently speaking into his portable tape recorder like he's from "Twin Peaks" and keeping his eyes open for any important news. But, the job of a reporter doesn't pay much, so Rog seeks extra income, which he finds in a campus sex experiment, where they'll put $8/hr in his pocket and give him the best fuck of his life! Damn, wish my campus had shit like that going on instead of those stupid ass "get your face painted" and "throw daggers at the Dean" booths... people don't know how to raise money anymore, and should take a cue from this movie. For the experiment, Rog is led into a room where he's then blindfolded and serviced by a lovely young piece named Victoria, whom Rog is not allowed to peek at, as he's only supposed to lay back and get laid... again, THAT is how you conduct college social experiments! But, we get to see a few things Rog does not, such as Victoria's odd anatomy. Not only does she have standard "Troma Nipples" (nipples that are either misshapen or have HUGE puffy areolas), but she also has a second mouth... in her stomach. This is great or digestion, as well as giving blowjobs while you stick your tongue down the girlu's throat! Oh, and in case you couldn't figure this out yourself, Victoria's not human.

As illustrated by dialogue from Dr. Holt, the mother of a project to create a race of subhumanoid slaves to serve mankind's every whim, we learn that Victoria is indeed one of these subhumanoids. She was designed to suck cock like a pro and service men (and possibly women) in any form of sexual romp and stomp they're in the mood for. These subhumanoids are slowly being integrated into the student body, as Dr. Holt attempts to make them into acceptable members of society, so they may then be used to do all the hard and dangerous labors we humans have to do now, like changing the channels on the TV and wiping our own asses... The problem though, is that the subhumanoids seem to have a gene disfunction that causes them to melt down into piles of ooze after a certain period of time, hence the SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN subtitle for the movie. When such an event happens on campus, the staff come up with the lamest excuses, like over exertion in excercising or swimming too soon after a meal. You know, shit your parents used to scare you with. But, Rog, having finally gotten some action, falls in love with Victoria. He's lucky too, because since she's a mindless zombie created to serve humanity, she has no qualms with being Rog's love bunny. Even his rancid odor can't drive her away! But, though Rog wants to take Victoria away from her subhumanoid lifestyle and Dr. Holt also wants her creation to be happy, Holt's funders at the corrupt Nukamama Corporation feel otherwise. Not too keen on the idea of free-thinking subhumanoids, they order Victoria destroyed! This understandably upsets Dr. Holt, who attempts to resign from the project, but instead winds up a target on the the Squirrels' hitlist, who are also employed by Nukamama... surprise surprise. Victoria and Holt's only hope lies in the human wasteland Roger. Can the beefy hero triumph in the face of adversity and a fat guy in leather shorts?... wait a minute, gotta get over that last image... uggh!!!

After Roger uncovers what's really going on with the subhumanoid project, he gathers up the student body and, with the help of the floating melted down spherical glob head of Murray the janitor, Rog whips his classmates into a riotous mob and they siege the power plant! In the chaos, some of Dr. Holt's "other experiments" break free and cause some Harryhausen madness of their own, eating and shredding up Michael Herz (one of the big guys at Troma)! Roger finds Victoria, getting her out of the plant just in time to watch her meltdown right before his eyes! Meanwhile, to help out the crazy riot factor a little, a small innocent squirrel (the fuzzy rodents, not the gang members) has been chowing on some radioactive waste, and is now 12 stories tall and stomping the campus! And this is where we came in...

Just when it looks like Victoria will turn ta goo like all the other subhumanoids are, Dr. Holt makes a last minute jump into the scene. From her 4ft beehive she reveals a secret vial of antidote that will restore Victoria's genetic structure and make a happy ending possible. Despite how sick and crude and vulgar Troma makes itself out to be, they always give us the standard happy ending to let us know that there's a light at the end of the blood-soaked rainbow :) As for the radioactive nut biter, he's lead away by a 'copter wielding a large acorn for bait, to be used in the next NUKE 'EM HIGH sequel. TOld ya everything works out fine in the end. But, if that fat leather-clad blob Yoke again, I swear to Godz I'll kill myself. Eternal God of Blah Blah Blah or not, I'll find a way! Hell, if it's all I can do I'llat least gouge out my fucking eyes! Anything to keep that hairy fat ass away from me...

As with all Troma films, SUBHUMANOID METLDOWN is cheap, no-budget filmwork that relies on dick and fart jokes, combined with social commentary and "makes you think" humor to make up for the obvious lack of cash. Unfortunately, whereas Troma usually seems to get that formula to work. they drop the ball here... no, to stick with their subject matter, they drop both balls... and a shriveled little penis too. The jokes just didn't make me laugh. And when a Troma movie doesn't make you laugh, you have WAY too much extra time and energy to focus on just how shitty everything else is. It's sad really, but hey, at least they had c ouple good movies early on... I do like that catchy theme music though... nah, to Hell with it, it sucks!

Sequels: CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SUBHUMANOID

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: THE TOXIC AVENGER PART 2 or ">BAD TASTE