" Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over,
and showing it principally in one place.."
- Josh Billings

Thought you might get a kick out of some of history's visionaries....

true commentary

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
-- Popular Mechanics, 1949, forecasting the relentless march of science

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
-- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and
talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data
processing is a fad that
won't last out the year.
-- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

But what is it good for?
-- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968;
commenting on the microchip.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of
Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

640K ought to be enough for anybody.
-- Bill Gates, 1981

So we went to Atari and said, "Hey, we've got this amazing thing,
even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about
funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to
do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you."
And they said, "No." So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and
they said,"Hey,we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet."
-- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari
and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

This "telephone" has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.
-- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.
Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
-- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for
investment in the radio in the 1920s.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn
better than a "C," the idea must be feasible.
-- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's
paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service.
Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.

I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face
and not Gary Cooper.
-- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the
leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say
America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.
-- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.
-- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this.
-- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M
"Post-It" Notepads.

Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction
and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react.
He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.
-- 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's
revolutionary rocket work.

You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across
all of your muscles? It can't be done.
It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent
muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training.
-- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable"
problem by inventing Nautilus.

Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground
to try and find oil? You're crazy.
-- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his
project to drill for oil in 1859.

Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.
-- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.
-- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
-- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
-- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut
from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed
Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

The Americans may have need of the telegraph.
We, on the other hand, have plenty of messenger boys.
-- a British Lord, dismissing telecommunications out of hand.

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been."
- Mark Twain

If Noah built the Ark today And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark." And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is My Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah. "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.. Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So no owls. Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls. Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed. The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully. "Wrong!" thundered the Lord. "But being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something far worse than a flood. Something Man invented himself." "What's that?" asked Noah. There was a long pause, and then the Lord spaketh His Last Word: "Government."

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs -
jolted by every pebble in the road.."
-Henry Ward Beecher

Pondering Life's Deepest Questions

1. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

2. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

3. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

4. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

5. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

6. How does the guy who drives the snowplow
get to work in the mornings?

7. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year,
why are there locks on the doors?

8. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

9. If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make
TEFLON stick to the pan?

10. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what
happens when you turn on the headlights?

11. You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the
protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

12. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

13. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

14. Why is it that when you transport something by car,
it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

15. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

16. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an
address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

" We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.."
- Agnes Repplier

Some more of life's ponderings....

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

After eating, should amphibians wait an hour before getting out of the water?

If you yell instead of talking to your plants, would they "grow to be troubled and insecure"?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

If you lick the air, does it get wet?

"The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed..."
- Sebastian Chamfort

More Humor

Mom Humor

Homemaker's Humor

You can use this table of contents to help you navigate this site.

Home	About Me	Arts and Crafts Room	Family Room
The Kitchen	Our Classroom	ABC's of Salvation	Inspiration
Humor	Rings	Quotes	Awards Page
Kevin's Page	EJ's Page	Playroom	Fun Projects

© 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000 Colleen Cato