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Monday,
September 30 2002 This
month sucked, truly. I was very lame with my workouts, my schedule got
screwed up, we had bad economical moments, etc... On the other hand this is
the month where our whole future got decided, a whole new range of
possibilities opened up, it was like a big re-adjustment, except you know
what that does to an emotional eater. For
the longest time I’ve been in control, until now. I haven’t even wanted to
weigh myself, I know there’s been a gain, how much ? I have no idea but a “noticeable”
gain for sure. The first thing that I noticed was wrong from the beginning of
this whole roller coaster ride was the exercise, I was slacking off without a
good reason, a good excuse and without putting up too much battle. At first
there were some guilt pangs here and there and then nothing, I just went
numb. This has been by far my worst exercise month, ever. Then, the second
thing that got horribly screwed up was the eating, I allowed myself to eat
fatty foods, sweets, cookies, etc... why ? because in my mind I was going
through so much shit that I “deserved” this little reward. Did I feel bad about it ? At first, the first
couple of times I was pissed at myself for allowing these slips, but then I
really didn’t care anymore. This month is the closest I’ve gotten to total
failure since I started my weight loss over a year and a half ago, I almost
stopped the whole thing. For
some reason, 3 days ago I gave my situation some serious thought. Did I really
want to throw ALL of my progress out the window, just like that, because I had
a crappy month? Did I still believe in myself ? I
decided after looking at my bloated face in the mirror that I was worth it,
things will sometimes go wrong in life but in the end they seem to always get
better, in my case as it turned out this month was one of the best one’s we’ve
had (because of all the positive things that came out of it) and yet, while
living it on a daily basis it seemed impossible to grab hold of my emotions,
it was easier to shut them down with the soothing taste of food. I think I’ve
learned something, not really sure of what it is but it helped me get back on
track or at least give it my best shot. I’ll
keep you posted. Have
an amazing week.
Wednesday,
September 25 2002 Geez,
it’s been a while since I updated, really slacked off this time but my schedule
has been tight. As it turns out exercise wise I’m doing really good, for some
reason last week by Friday I felt absolutely exhausted, I was getting up a
bit earlier and I have been doing more things on a daily basis but I never
thought it would be so overwhelming. I think that finally this week I
adjusted, at least I don’t feel so tired, I’ve been sleeping really good, the
kind of sound sleep that is required to have a great night’s rest. How do I
know this ? Well, at least twice I’ve woken up in the middle of the night
having to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water and I feel like I’m in a
trance, literally, my body feels heavy and my mind is just not there. As a
matter of fact on one of those nights I remember looking out the window and
seeing what appeared to me to be a giant robot, I was all freaked out in that
mindless state thinking “what the hell !!??” after looking at it for what
seemed two years but must have really been 2 seconds I decided that a giant
robot was ok and went about my business and the passed out on my bed again.
The following morning I kinda’ remembered something about giants or robots or both, everything was a haze, after my
second cup of coffee I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt, I remembered and
went to the window to see what had caused my night vision, a house and a tv
antenna, that’s all it took. Last
night my husband and I held a whole conversation in our sleep, yup, I was
finally awoken when I was yelling “how could they have stolen everything ?”
and of course my husband also woke up at the sound of these gracious words,
we both stared at each other not really knowing what to think, the cat,
laying on my side of the bed just looked at us with a very annoyed look on
his face as if saying, “oh shut up already and let a cat sleep”. I have no
explanation for why we’re so tired, stress, too much work, a little bit of
both but whatever it is it’s hilarious.
Thursday,
September 12 2002 Well,
I’ve sure been gone for a long time, I apologize but I have a valid excuse.
First of all this past week has been like a roller coaster ride, let me
explain. Last Friday (Sept. 6) my husband got a phone call from one of the
top science universities in Veracruz asking him to work for them, he’s a
Biologist and had filled out an application a long time ago but had gotten no
answer, he figured they weren’t interested and just went on with his life,
although his secret dream, as he later confessed, was being able to work
there. Let’s see, according to what he told me, he’s going to have access to
2 labs, he’ll be writing articles for different scientific magazines, he gets
recognized as part of the Mexican scientific community, he’s got a superb
salary and, if you’re a Biologist, I guess it’s like getting an early
Christmas present. I’m thrilled for him and of course, this means we’ll be
getting our house a lot sooner !!! The downside ? Well, I haven’t done ANY
exercise this week, nada, and I feel yucky. The thing is that he’s gone most
of the day and I’m left to take care of the shop ALL DAY, thus giving me no
time to do my beloved workouts. I considered the option of exercising at
night, after work, but the truth is I’m so beat that I have no desire at all
to move let alone exercise, so, we’ve decided that starting next week I’ll open
the shop later in the day and have
some time in the morning to do everything I have to do. It won’t
really affect our business, after all we do most of our sales after 4:00
pm and that way we’ll ALL be happy.
It’s been a good little time out, that way I’ll start with extra energy on
Monday.
Thursday,
September 5 2002 I’ve
been doing really good with my exercise, even last night when I was dog
tired, I somehow managed to do my exercise routine. I have to admit that a
lot of my “willpower” comes from exercising with my husband, it’s as if I
would let him down if I didn’t exercise because to be totally honest he’s
been doing really good. He’s stayed motivated, watching his diet and doing
his best with the exercise. A
lot of people have been mentioning my weight loss. I don’t know if I had a
significant change or I’m at the stage where you can see a big difference,
but many people are telling me how good I look, asking how much weight I’ve
lost, what have I done to lose it, do
I eat a strict diet, etc... This of course has me thrilled, recognition is a
powerful force. As far as I’m concerned I’m still very heavy and out of shape
(that’s my image) but according to people I’m getting fit and looking good. I
have noticed that some clothes are baggier but not a lot, so I don’t really
know what’s making people take notice of my weight loss. Yesterday
I did less time on my bike than I usually do, there were 2 reasons for this.
1.- I was exhausted, I could have easily fallen asleep on my bike while
pedaling away. I’m not sure why I was so tired but I do know that I have to
start sleeping more hours everyday. 2.- I went to some stores yesterday
afternoon and decided to walk to and from them in the afternoon heat with the
sun beating down on my head (maybe that’s why I was so tired). I must have
walked well over 40 mins. so I decided that combined with 20 mins. of biking
would be just about right for my aerobic exercise for the day. Ok,
this has got to be one of the most boring entries on the internet so I’m signing
off. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have something to write about :)
Tuesday,
September 3 2002 I’m
so happy September is finally here, it seemed to take forever. Yesterday
I weighed and measured myself and the results were a loss of 1 kilo (2.24
lbs.) but a 2 cm (less than an inch) gain in size. I’m sitting here wondering
how that is humanly possible, to lose weight and gain size but it must be
since it happened to me. So as I was walking down the street wondering about
my situation and what kind of a weird mixed up metabolism I have a friend I
hadn’t seen for a while stopped me, I absentmindedly said hello, how have you
been and just the regular stuff you say to someone you haven’t seen for a
while, suddenly he said, “WOW, you’ve lost a lot of weight.” Magic words. I
snapped out of my trance and said “huh ????” “ Yeah”, he said “you can really
see a difference in your weight”. Ok,
I have to admit, that was just what I needed to hear, I was seriously
wondering what was going on and if there was ANY progress at all in my quest,
after all, it’s been a while since I saw any changes in the mirror. That
happens when you look at yourself everyday, so the fact that someone who
doesn’t see me everyday sees a difference, well, that’s just incredible. It
means things are working, it means I am progressing, it means I should stay
motivated because even if I don’t see any changes that doesn’t mean there are
no changes. This smile is going to last all week and maybe even beyond :) My
husband has been fantastic with his exercise, hasn’t missed a day. He’s very
motivated and has lost some cms. on his stomach which inspires him even more.
He’s all excited because we’re going to go visit family for Christmas, people
we haven’t seen in a while and he wants to be totally fit by then, looks like
he might even make it. Hope your week is going great.
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GRAPHICS
BY: GRAPHIC GARDEN