Sometimes the funniest things lawyers say aren't meant to be jokes. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide. They were compiled by a client of the Salt Lake City law firm of Johnson & Hatch. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?. . . Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?. . .Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Q: Did he kill you?. . .Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? . . .The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?. . .Were you alone or by yourself?. . .How long have you been a French Canadian?. . . .Do you have any children or anything of that kind?. . . . . .Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?. . .Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?. . . .Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?. . . Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8. Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was Aug. 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time?. . . Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?. . . So you were gone until you returned? . . . Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls? . . . You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? . . . Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? . . . Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet. . . . A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question.". . . Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel? A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct? A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy! . . . . . . . . .A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" "No," the coroner replied. The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" The coroner said, "No." "Did you check for breathing?", asked the attorney. Again the coroner replied, "No." The attorney asked, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

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River Trips

(Click on the Pictures to visit the pages.)

Enter the dark and mysterious Okefenokee Swamp, then travel down the scenic Suwannee River.

Explore way further down on the Suwannee River with the Fellow Travelers.

Experience the clear waters, roiling springs, and dangerous caves of the Current River.

Savor the sugary sand and syrupy water of the St. Mary's River.

Travel from Statesboro to Savannah on the Ogeechee River.

Join intrepid adventurers on a journey through Georgia's past on the Oconee and Altamaha Rivers.

Mark Kimmel, family and friends retrace the Rivertripper's route down the lower Oconee and Altamaha Rivers.

The Fellow Travelers check out the Oconee and Altamaha Rivers.

Continue the journey through the past on the Ocmulgee and Altamaha Rivers.

Paddle and fish Virginia's beautiful Shenandoah River.

Escape to Georgia's remote and undeveloped Tugaloo Lake.

Up for a day trip on the Broad River?

Here are pictures from various other canoe trips.

Here's what I typically take with me on a canoe camping trip.

Please sign the Register...

Blue Canoe
by Blue Mountain - Dog Days
Transcribed by Porter Yax

Ridin 'round the county drinkin from a jar.
Big blue canoe up on top of the car.
Hop in darlin', don't be a stranger.
Sit back and relax, cause you ain't in no danger.

Well Bogalusa spells trouble to me,
I'd rather stay out here under the trees.
With the wind on the lake, the stars in the sky,
what else do you need to make you feel high?

Chorus:

I want to ride with you in my blue canoe.
Baby lets go ridin,
slippin' and a sliding,
in my blue canoe.

You bring the ice chest and I'll get the bait.
Meet me at the lake and don't be late.
Cause all this hangin around, is draggin me down.
I gotta get behind the wheel and get the hell out of town.

Too many people, too many cars,
too many nights in too many bars.
My noggin's gettin' soggy and my spirits are saggin.
Time to take a ride in my blue water wagon.

chorus

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