A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" "No," the coroner replied. The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" The coroner said, "No." "Did you check for breathing?", asked the attorney. Again the coroner replied, "No." The attorney asked, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.". . . . . . . . . .Sometimes the funniest things lawyers say aren't meant to be jokes. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide. They were compiled by a client of the Salt Lake City law firm of Johnson & Hatch. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?. . . Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?. . .Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Q: Did he kill you?. . .Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? . . .The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?. . .Were you alone or by yourself?. . .How long have you been a French Canadian?. . . .Do you have any children or anything of that kind?. . . . . .Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?. . .Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?. . . .Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?. . . Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8. Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was Aug. 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time?. . . Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?. . . So you were gone until you returned? . . . Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls? . . . You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? . . . Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? . . . Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet. . . . A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question.". . . Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel? A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct? A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy! . . . . . . . . . . A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?" . . . . . . . . . .A lawyer was asked if he like to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case. . . . . . . . . . . A lawyer was interrogating a witness at the stand. The witness was a punk from the streets of London. "You've got a lot of intelligence for someone of your background", the lawyer sneered. "I'd return the compliment if I wasn't under oath", the punk replied. . . . . . . . . . What's the difference between God and a lawyer? God doesn't think he's a lawyer. . . . . . . . . .A man and an alligator walked into a bar. "Do you serve lawyers here?", the man asked. "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."

St. Mary's River, Page One.

The St. Mary's River, like the Suwanee, has its headwaters in the Okefenokee. The St. Mary's emerges, however, from the eastern edge of the Swamp, and then forms the Southeastern boundary between Georgia and Florida. It flows into the Atlantic Ocean off the south end of Cumberland Island, where King's Bay nuclear submarine base is located. In the first week of April, 1999, my friend, Ed Skorupski, J.D., now 15, and I paddled the St. Mary's River from St. George to the Traders Hill community below Folkston, a short trip of only 27 and 1/2 miles. Nevertheless, the trip was a nice one on a beautiful river. Read the tale...

We'd originally wanted to put in just above Macclenny, Florida. That would've made the trip about 51 miles. We drove down to and through Folkston, on Georgia Highway 23/121, to where the St. Mary's passes under the road. There's a very nice place to put in there, under the bridge. However, there'd been a drought for about the past two years, and the river was way down, with hardly any movement. There was little water: putting in here turned out to not be an option. We had to head up to St. George. It was late in the day when we finally arrived. Here's my new boat hauling arrangement. It consists of simply a piece of 1/2 inch EMT bolted with wingnuts to my ladder rack. That allows me to haul two boats side by side, an arrangement that worked well on our Current River trip to Missouri, going 70 miles an hour with 20 mile an hour cross winds.
We camped at the put-in. It felt good to relax around the fire. The trip down had taken several hours, and the weather had been pretty warm. When we arrived here, we did a little exploring, and discovered sweet scented native azaleas in bloom.
Perhaps the most remarkable aspect of black water -- that is, water that has been stained to a dark tea color by decaying vegetation -- is the way it reflects images. Stand on your head to look at this picture and, were it not for the extreme discomfort of your being upside down, you'd have a hard time telling which way is up. Another feature typically associated with black water is that it occurs where the sand is unusually white. This is where we put the boats in the water.
We're ready to head on down the river.
Probably the most profound aspect of this trip was that the water level was abnormally low, revealing more of the absolutely gorgeous sandbars.
I try to keep up with our position as well as I can by keeping the map and compass in front of me. By following the meanderings of the river on the map, noting the change in direction on the compass, and noting any particular features of the landscape, I can usually get a good idea of where we are. However, the section of the St. Mary's we were on has so many twists and turns it was near impossible to get a reckoning. So we just paddled along, enoying the ride.
The weather was warm and we enjoyed the water.
The abnormally low water level revealed the root structure of the cypress trees.
Sugar and syrup.
We had frequent encounters with deadfalls and sandbars due to the low water. However, we had to get out of the boats only a few times to drag them over or around obstructions. It's a good thing the current was so slow. It would not have been fun to have to deal with these hazzards in a fast current.
Here, the root structure of this cypress tree, exposed by the erosion of the soil around it, is revealed by the low water level. Note the small "knee," about 8 inches tall, at the top of the root here. Normally this is all you'd see sticking out of the ground. Check the site about cypress trees in the "links" section of my homepage to learn all about this magnificent tree. In the next section of this page there's an image of the tallest cypress knee I've ever seen.
This is something of a mystery. These kinds of "structures" were common on the St. Mary's, as well as the Ogeechee. Some appeared to be the remains of piers or bridge pilings. Some, simply out in the water and away from the bank appeared to possibly be the remains of pilings wich may have supported some sort of shelter. We saw no modern structure which had similar support that would have given us a clue as to their function.

Continue down the river. . . .



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