Anxiety /PanicAttacks

Let me tell you alittle about me..
. I am 38 years old married for 13 years. And have three daughters.
Have had this anxeity for a good many years.. I know what it is like to have no support and to feel very alone. Because this type of person is good at hiding things.. from everyone, even if the people understood, we still hide it. Cause we really don't let know one know. And I am sure that people figure things out because of our avoidence of social things. That to most aren't nothing.
Any how I come a long way. My husband is just starting to understand. I see haven a child with some symptoms, that I can relate to. and Funny, This type of person, knows how to help others, but when it comes to Him or Herself, we get lost.
Anyhow. If I told the whole story -This would be a "novel" instead of a web site. But like I said . I will keep adding and telling somethings, that even you, might relate to.
And this is also a way to tell my testimony.
And give the Glory to God.... Amen

I am going to try this in a nut shell...
Ahhhhh something just dawned on me..But I will save that for later..hehe.. Have to have humor here..*S* Ok anyway.. well back then, I had this anxious feeling of doom.,
One day, didnt know what it was. Our insurence was changing, so I had no doctor yet..So I started to look in the yellow pages and called which ever I could. But to my surprize- well there were no openings..So now my thoughts were racing, now my body was trembling, My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to just die.

My mind was racing so fast. that I felt out of controll. wellllll Out of no where- off gard I was, My husband yelled to STOP-IT...YOU ARE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!!!!...WOW I thought..Where did the symptoms go??
They were not there..Hmmmm..I thought...A few days later I figured, I am uneasy with the thought of what happened so, let me get to the Doc's, so I went with a list of things (feelings) on a piece of paper..Well the Doctor said, you have anxiety.. I said Oh.. like Hmmm.. But there is something wrong with me.. She said No.. But here take this, which was Meds for Buspar..Ok I thought.

Well went home and took these for two weeks.. The happy, funny, fun me, was not there, I was like just there, So nothing mattered, what those feelings were, I was not going to (not be me)..So I stopped taking them.Well went to the library and found all kinds of books on this and just started to study.
Well found one with a book and a phone number to call or write and they had sent tapes.. so I did them..then a few weeks later - on Tv seen another one. which by now I talked to my husband and I think he just wanted me better, so he said I could get them. Well they did help, It showed me how to react different to things, Yet there was no drugs and all, so I thought this was good.

Well yet something was missing, and I never put my finger on it.. A few months later we moved across town.I still avoided alot of things and My husband, still didnt understand. Well this is it. I fell to my knees one day.
And said ,God take me. I can't do this anymore, I have been hiding all these things, and came up with excuses why I cant go anywhere or do anything, this is not good. He (husband) can have the children. He don't deserve this, Or me, He needs what he wants, someone to go places and all of that.. eighter take me, or let him leave..Ya know the bargen deal here..How did I know... I knew of the God of convience..Ya know when you want something, then you Tell God.

Meanwhile I never knew I moved across the street from a church..It didn't look like a church... not the churches I have seen in my life.. Ok anyway. There was a Party to go to.. And I went no problem, But I was not me, I didnt want to be outside, I went inside and the only people that were always inside at these partys were-yes there were family, step family- But there Were Christain... Ya know not the type of people I want to hang out with (please don't take that the totally wrong way)..Ha, that day I was filled with questions, One after another. And to top that off- I invited them over to my house that night. Think even my Husband didn't know what to think So we hung out.. Then they asked me if I wanted to say this Prayer, I thought ok.

So I had focused on each word and said it with my heart.. Welllllll WOW!!!! I thought I glowed, It was so strange, everyone was the same, But in my head I wasnt. NO..I didnt think I cracked finally- I felt great!!!. And I tell you I thought I glowed. The end of the week came and inbetween the week..yes I still glowed.. and kept going down the street to find out what that place was. finally I said yes I will go.In, it was not open , but I seen flyers in the window, so someone opened the door and I went in,,just to get those flyers of course.. and peek at this place.. That had no cross..well ya know being who I am I thought all chruches had crosses.. So I went back home and that Friday I decided to go. I knew the hours and all so I want to go.So me and my oldest daughter went.

Took me a while that night, thats another story for another time..*S* but another testimony.. anyhow. this place was paked, and I was ok with it..lol And really it was like being at the mall and I parked my car somewhere- this is what happen- almost two hours went by and I really had to get to the restroom- must be the coffee.. and me and my daughter went..When we came out .It was Dark.. It wasnt dark when we left- Well I dont know where my seat is..(Like the car) ... So we stood in the back.
And the Pastor- but then I thought that man said. To Pray with your mouth and mean it in your heart- I was listening and doing. and thought I did this the other day-(but thats ok) I am in church now. I can do it again.. Then he said raise your hand if you meant it. My daughter and I both raised our hand. I thought you don't have to do that, you might not know what he is saying.. But she said point blank, He said: If I said it with my mouth and meant in my heart to raise my hand.. I said wow, ok. So anyway, My husband did'nt understand none of this, if anything, he might of thought "that's it she had lost it)..But no I gained it.

My Pastor walked me step by step, And all the questions I had,, he answer and gave me scriptures to them. it was a hard 6 months, But Praise God!!! My Husband Let Jesus into his heart. It has been 5 Years nows, for me, and my family. And wow when you see the Lord's work Day-in- Day-out.. WOW. Now we have come along way.
My Husband is learning compassion, soft heart and when someone is in need, he is learning understanding. And I am learning, The Lord really does know your heart, And is teaching me , how I pulled away, to now come closer, to my husband and closer to the Lord. My husband and I are learning a whole new road. One that, even with Anxiety.
The Lord knows what he is doing. I tried to put this in only a nut shell. there is so much to talk about, but as this site gets build, Maybe I will be able to explain some more things..
~ ~
The other story ~~~~The Dennis Story~~~~

I will try to keep this short, The night I did finally go..(another Testimony).
That night I did fight with something else. Which was the temps here were a good 90 degree's out side.

And it was almost time to go to church, I had kept changing my shirt, I did how ever start in a tank top.. But do to ,I didnt know what to expect, I thought well I am going to be judged..here let me explain what I mean.

About 23 years ago, Yes I was not saved = ) (YET) well anyhow, I have gotten Tattoo's, eww, I know.

Well anyhow it was really hot out and I fought with this awhile, about going and covering up. But wow it was so hot out. Wellll, Then I thought , that is God's house and I am going to keep that tank top on. (was a nice one) and I am going to go. That's that. Well yes I was nervous and shaken, but as I walked there towards the door, My heart pounded thinking what are people going to think, But.....

As I got closer, The door opened By this Big Guy with a black vest and tattoo's all over. *Dennis...

Well my heart, I thought stoped, my eyes teared up and right ,there and then, I told him what happened and He also told me a testimony, And welcomed me with open arms. I have became friends with Dennis, He is like a Big Teddy Bear. And so sweet.

Well those were the thoughts that came to my mind while I started this page.

I have learn so much since back then, None of us should Judge anyone. It does not matter if I have these tattoo's today, It is what I have in my Heart, to share with you about Jesus. And each testimony Is to Glorify the Lord and show what he has done, cause even with Dennis, He put him there, right at that moment, (for me) to show me it was ok, and done it with Love. And that is what Matter's!!

So remember Do Not Judge, see a person for who they are, we all had a past. and this gift today, was only *given by the grace of God.*

Amen to that, Praise the Lord for He is Good. His Love Endores FOREVER!!

And Dennis, A Big ((( Hug)))) for you..You are a good and Faithfull Servent.

Matthew 6 :33,34
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troble of its own.

Psalm 34:4
I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

James 5 :16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Matthew 11 :28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline