Some proponents of internet regulations recently been brought to my attention that all useless web sites should have a rants page. So I threw this up as quick as I could. Those Internet Midgets are intimidating, man!
THE HUMAN RACE IS DOOMED! - Here's why.
What if I went up to some really ugly people and told them that as a totally unbiased observer, I wanted to let them know that they were ugly? I'd say that they might be great people, and I didn't think any less of them because of it, but despite that they were sinfully ugly. What if I set this up in such a way that it would be said in such a way that the people wouldn't be offended? What if I designed a machine that would scan your face then tell you if you were ugly? UPDATE: Such a machine exists. Cool.
What makes people become High School principal? What makes them stay there? Who the heck says to themselves "I may be just a High School teacher now, but just wait, some day I'll be principal...
I just realized that there's probably a reason for "principal" and "principle" being spelled so similarly, since there's obviously a choice involved along the line. One or the other...
Life is like Diablo: you're always looking forward to the next step. Oh, just wait 'till high school, 'till college, 'till you get a job, 'till you retire... That, and you're always looking for the shiny new weapon like a new computer, new car, new house...
I was just on the Games Workshop site and I realized that for some stupid reason Dark Eldar totally suck, but the Dark elves of the original Warhammer are cool. Why the heck is that?
When the Internet first became mainstream, it became suddenly excusable to use abbreviations and make mistakes when typing. But now it seems that it's actually encouraged. People think you're weird if you type things out, and chat programs encourage you to use annoying smileys and even phrase abbreviations by making icons for these things.
Vanilla Fantasy - The good, the bad, and the half-ogre.
Who writes FAQs and errata pages anyway? What's it all based on? Why do super obvious questions always seem to make it in, but then answers you actually want are not to be found? Like if I notice that in Monster Manual II it says gythkas do 2d6/2d6 damage and in Savage Species it says 1d8/1d8, which am I to believe? I want to know if a gythka is just an orc double axe (the second option) or an actual unique weapon (the first option). But if it were the first option everyone would prefer it over the orc double axe, and if it were the second option it would be cheap because it's no longer unique. Bla.
How come some teachers are inspiring, wonderful people and some are stupid, ignorant idiots, and they seem to get the same type of jobs and probably the same pay? I know that there are people who come to classes and rate the teachers on teaching ability, and I know that there are evaluations written by students. Ok, then I know that complaining about school is usually a given, but this thought just popped into my head.
Since when are there double weapons in D&D? I thought these were just in NWN until I saw them in the Player's Guide. I thought D&D was based on medieval fantasy. Is it even practical to fight with one of these in real life? I think not. Speaking of D&D weapons, I figured out a while ago why caltrops exist as equipment. Because it's so fun to say "caltrops." You know it's true!
I can't wait 'till high school or college reunions (do they have college reunions?) so I can see if the people who were happy and popular in school are now hateful, bitter and petty. I know it sounds bad, but that's just what I think.
Why can't people breathe underwater yet? We've known how fish gills worked for ages now. I think we should have gill surgery available. That would rule. Then we would have all sorts of new space to colonize, so overcrowding wouldn't matter so much. We'd take better care of the oceans because we lived there. You'd have to have special nurseries where kids could be born and raised until old enough to get the gill surgery, but other than that it would be ok.
On a similar note, it would be even cooler if we could fly. Obviously we can't make separate wings (like angels), but we could make our arms into wings (like bats). This would probably take way more surgery than gills though, and only light-bodied people could make it. They'd have to have awesome vision, so eye surgery might be part of the requirement. Obviously it would take a lot of practice, training, and exercise before you could fly out in the open. But it would totally rock. I know I'd be willing to sell everything I owned to be able to fly!
It's about time people could plug video games into their heads. Science fiction authors promised that this would happen in the near future back in the 80's. I can't believe science fiction authors would make something like that up without reason. I don't care if there's a possibility of having our brains fried! I want Doom IV to be direct-brain plug-in! UPDATE: They've already got monkeys who have electrodes in their brains and can move robotic arms like they were their own. Apparently they've been able to move cursors on computer screens for a while now. The wait can't be long now...
It's scary how much our society is like the one in Fahrenheit 451. Ever since reading that book I see it everywhere. What's even scarier is that we're a lot more like the Fahrenheit society now than when the book was written. We've got the TV walls (both big-screen TVs and IMAX count for this), we drive way too fast and try to do crazy stunts (ever heard of Jackass? people actually do this all the time...) and we hate books. People today are only concerned with instant gratification.
There should be a company that you can email video game ideas to, and they'd make it into a video game. That would rule. I would email them all sorts of awesome ideas. Well either that or a really easy video game dev tool that lets you edit existing games.
The Internet is inbreeding! - Y'all go hyur an' read what I's gots ta say about it.
How come stores have scanners at the cash registers that seem to always miss the tag, but then have those anti-shoplifting things at the doors which can supposedly find a stolen item, even if it's in a bag surrounded by other stuff?
Why is the countdown to self-destruct voice always female? Is it more conforting for a chick to tell you you're about to die than a man saying so?
There is no D&D character class called Rouge. No member of the X-Men is named Rouge. Rouge is a makeup women use to make their cheeks look blushed. I think any idiot who constantly refers to a D&D or X-Men Rouge should be forced to wear rouge for a day so that they never forget.
We should get rid of Q. It's a useless letter. All words with "qu" in them should have "kw" inserted instead. I know it sounds crazy, but think about it. We would need less letters on keyboards. It would be one letter easier to teach kids the ABC's. Plus, we'd have a nice round amound of letters.
Speaking of which, we shouldn't let in any more states because we have 50 right now. Think of how funny-looking our flag would be with 51 stars. Maybe we should let in a whole bunch of states at once to keep the number nice and round.
I hate it when people type "alright" instead of "all right." The scariest thing is that since it's so widespread it might actually make it into a dictionary and become official (if it hasn't already... doodoodoodoo doodoodooodoo...)
Rob Zombie looks like an evil Ian Anderson. How cool is that?
Nightcrawler has got to have the most useful ability of any X-Men character. Well, not counting Rogue, whose ability really can't be counted because it's just as useful as the abilities of whoever she's fighting. Anyway, Nightcrawler has an awesome demon look, a cool prehensile demon tail, the ability to climb on walls and move like an animal... and that's before we even take into account his real power. And you gotta admit, teleportation's as good as it gets. Okay, so it's got a two-mile limit. TWO MILES?! Just think of it: never be late to class again. You could take out the trash in a split second. You could visit buddies, go shopping, or go to some place quiet when people are annoying you. Hey, speaking of shopping, think of the possibilities! Never pay for anything again! Just teleport to the store, grab what you need, and go! Okay, maybe your conscience would catch up to you eventually, but at least you gotta admit you can cut time off your shopping schedule. And yes, teleportation is the ultimate "get out of jail free" card when you're trying to get out of a sticky situation.
Sometimes it really ticks me off when I see that people have what I call a Santa Claus view of God. He knows when you've been bad or good, he's making a list and checking it twice, he'll reward the good kids with presents and the bad ones with lumps of coal. You know what I'm talking about.
Who told Julia Roberts she was hot? She's not. She looks like an alien with that huge mouth and otherworldly look on her face. If I had to make a judgement call I'd be leaning more towards downright "ugly" in my rating.
I don't hate actors and actresses for being ugly though. Some of my favorite actors are known for being funny-lookin'. For instance, I'm a big fan of Pete Postlethwaite. What an awesome guy. If I ever made a movie, he'd have to be in it.
Another person who'd have to be in my movie is Sean Bean. And Bruce Campbell would be there too.
I think it's a good indication of where our society is today that you can't see the stars at night because of the street lights.
They're making a movie about the Illiad starring Brad Pitt as Achilles. They've also got Sean Bean plays Odysseus. So if they make a sequel about the Odyssey, it'll star Sean Bean!
We found Saddam. It appeared like he grew a huge beard, but I'll let you in on a little secret.? What happened was that Osama gave Saddam his beard to confuse Bush. It almost worked, too. Now Osama's hiding in the perfect place: he's driving a cab in New York City.
Here's another pet peeve of mine: when people eat things over the communal plate. For instance, when they eat dip over the dip bowl, as if dripping dip out of their mouths and into the bowl is preferable to dripping on the floor or table.
George Lucas - Why the man is a moron.
"Satan" Claus - Celebrate the holidays by bashing America's favorite yuletide creature!
Thanks for reading this. I genuinely appreciate it.
Maybe if I make that movie Adam Sandler will be in it just so he can get beat up by cooler actors. And skinned alive. Yeh. Cool special effects on that one, eh? What do you mean, what special effects? Liv Tyler and Julia Roberts would be the main characters' girlfriends at the start of the movie so they can be messily dumped for hotter chicks later in the film. Chicks with guns. Yeh. Dang, this is turning into a pretty good movie. Anyone got a few million bucks I can borrow?
I'm always saying (or at least thinking... but it's the same thing, isn't it?) that you can kill someone just as dead with a rock as you can with a nuclear missile. So you know what we need? Nuclear rocks. Heck yea.
You know how people on TV are always saying "Things aren't all black and white?" Well, maybe they are. Sure, complex things like people and decisions aren't black and white, but if you break them down, their smaller chunks definitely are. So instead of things really being grey, they're actually speckled black and white. Or striped. Or checkered.
How come people never say cool things like "Behold!" and "Forsooth!" any more? I think we should bring back old-fashioned talk like that. And "Zounds!" because it's short for "God's wounds!" Isn't that just the coolest saying?
Monks need to be brought back into the spotlight so that people can see them and remember that they're out there. I think we should have a reality TV show dedicated to monks, "The Weakest Monk," and every episode they vote a monk out of the monastery. Yeh.
The most beautiful things in the world are the good things. But you can only tell something's goodness in person. That is why we love people who are outwardly beautiful so much: because we hardly ever see people in person anyway. Take celebrities for instance. Sure, Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez are good looking, but are they good people? Who knows? So we see their outside and call them beautiful.
I just thought of a good epitaph: He lived. He loved. He died. He still loves.
Marilyn Manson should write some fiction. I think he's definitely got some good stories in him. Kinda like Rob Zombie making movies, but way, way better.
Am I a terrible angel or a beautiful disease?
Ian Anderson's got some mad skills. He should seriously be in the soundtrack for a movie or something so that people will remember him again. In an age where any band can sound good with good enough equipment, he still manages to put out genuinely good music. Rock on, Ian. Rock on.
Angry teenages should stop complaining about how they want anarchy. Anarchy breeds government, everyone knows that. The only true anarchy is personal anarchy, and you can have that even today. But most teenagers, if not all, are too cowardly to try that because they know the consequences. So stop complaining and learn to live in the real world.
A line in the movie version of the Crow that always gets me is "I like the pretty lies." Isn't that what life's all about, though? The pretty lies?
I really shouldn't have been encouraged to write poetry this year. Who knows what can of worms you've opened, you stupid Creative Writing Contest?
New pet peeve: morons who list items on eBay under the wrong category. If you're going to list a sword in the "Medieval" section, its title should include none of the following words: Lord of the Rings, LoTR, Excalibur, King Arthur, Merlin, Fantasy, Robin Hood, Dragon, Dagger or Conan! All of the above items should be listed under "Fantasy!" Come on people, it isn't really all that difficult. Work with me here.