Warning: Foul, foul language herein. Ron's got a filthy mouth!

Dedication: This is for Gus, for being the loudest cat in the world. Now please be quiet.

Author's Note: So I lied. I haven't left for my trip yet, and I had all this inspiration. So I wrote another chapter. I just posted the last one, and opened Word and here this is. More Ron development. I'm amazed at all the complexities of his character. Especially now.


Approaching My Ascension



It's been over a week, and I'm still at Hawkspoint. And pretty much everyone's turned themselves over to Voldemort's empire. There were a few casualties, prisoners that had to be killed, but that's war. Sirius has sort of slipped into this sullen daze. He does what he's told, and I pretty much leave him alone. And make Draco leave him alone.


Draco. That's a whole new dimension in this twisted saga. When I told him I loved him, he acted like he didn't believe me. Told me not to be an arse. But when I made love to him that night, he realized I meant it. There are less fights now. I like it.


Voldemort's only dropped by this once, for some advice on taking a rather fortified holding. It's a tricky one. They're getting better, I've noticed. It takes me nearly three hours to form an attack plan I'm happy with. And even then...


"My Lord, please give me more time. A few more hours..."


"Ah, but Ron, we do not have all that much time." He puts his hand on my shoulder, and he shakes his head like he's apologizing. "An hour more, I can give you. But that is all."


"I know, I know...but this...I know there's a flaw somewhere!" We might lose, if we go into battle with this plan. And I don't want us to lose. It's gone beyond survival now. I have a fervent desire to please Voldemort, to help him.


And this should bother me. It should, but it doesn't. Well, sometimes late at night after Draco's asleep it does. But usually it doesn't. Like now.


"If you cannot find it, then I doubt they can."


"But..."


"Ron, it is all right." He sort of laughs, and squeezes my shoulder real friendly like. "If the attack fails, no grudge will be held against you."


"Except in my own mind." I sigh. He doesn't understand. He's looking at this as work. As...as a duty. This is what I live for! This is my livelihood. "I'll know I could have done better..."


"Not in the time allotted." He turns serious now. "Ron...I must tell you. You are a most impressive young man."


"My lord?" What's he about now?


"There have been many defectors from the other side." Oh. This old line. "But you...I trust you. Many have told me I should not, but I do. I can see a mans soul, Ron, and yours is devout to me."


"Yeah." I nod. It is. I know that, but I don't like thinking about it. And I've never talked about it. Who could I talk with? Draco? Hell no! Lucius? Maybe. Lucius has sort of become a father figure in my life.


"You sound sad?"


"Yeah." Hell, why not? I've got a sympathetic ear. "I turned traitor against everyone. But...I don't look at it like that. I didn't do it out of spite, or malice, or anything like that." It's weird to be talking about this to another person. And for that person to be Voldemort. But he's nodding for me to go on, and he looks like he's really concerned. And concerned *for* me, not about me.


"I did it because it was logical. It made the most sense at the time. And now...I'll be totally honest with you. I don't support everything you stand for. Muggles and Muggle-borns are fine by me. My ex-girlfriend's a Muggle-born. No problems with them. But...I don't know. I've made a lot of friends over here. We're good people. And you...you understand about people and politics. Fudge is an idiot." All of my late night rationalizations come tumbling out. "And you're going to win this war. I know you are, because I'm gonna make sure you are..."


"But?"


"Yeah, there's always a but. I should hate myself for this. But I don't. And that makes me feel sick. That I don't feel sick, you know?"


"I do understand." And he sounds like he does. And the he does something really weird. He hugs me. Not sexual or anything, just a comforting, paternal hug. And it feels good. I want to cry, all of a sudden. I feel really weak and small. And then the moment passes.


"Thanks." I tell him, pulling away and running a hand through my hair. I like to keep it short. It fits my militant position.


"Ron, I am not a fool." Uh-oh...those are never good words to hear an evil overlord utter. "My succession is only as good as the men who follow me. You are all very important to me, though some more so then others. Do not be afraid to come to me when you feel you need it."


"I won't."


"Good, good." He takes my plan. "This will be fine. I'll make sure you find out how it goes."


~~~~


It goes okay, I find out. Lucius comes to tell me. He's sitting across from me, Draco no where in sight. He likes to wander around the village, throwing his authority around. Sirius is sulking in the background, as usual.


"We lost more then we would have liked, but the holding *did* fall."


"Good." We're having tea.


"Our lord tells me you've been feeling a bit...lost?"


"No, not lost." I shake my head. What, are they best friends or something? "Just...I don't know. Weird."


"It's understandable. You worry, don't you? You've friends on the other side? Family?"


"Yeah." I can't lie to him. It really would be like lying to my father. Why does this have to play into things? Why couldn't I have just kept on being a little sex slave? Because I was too damn smart for my own good.


"I will tell you now Ron, you have very little to worry about when it comes to your family. My own wife is not a Death Eater. She does not act against our Lord, but she does not bear his mark. But because she is my wife, he would not have her done away with."


"Are you saying my family's safe?" I don't have to worry about them? Which is a damn good thing, considering I hadn't been worrying all that much lately. But it was nice to know that it was okay that I hadn't.


"I am saying that they will not be killed. Unless it is absolutely necessary..." He kind of trails off. Yeah, I understand that. Which means my dad probably doesn't have much chance. I sigh, and I get that damn feeling like I'm going to cry again. He doesn't say anything about my friends. That's who I'm really worried about, sick as that may sound.


"Um...what about..." I haven't been this unintelligible in months.


"Young Mr. Potter?" Lucius drops his voice to a hush, as though afraid of unseen ears.


"Yeah." I'm sort of pushing my luck here. What if Lucius runs to Voldemort? I could get my arse killed here...


"At this stage of things, Our Lord wishes the boy alive." Lucius is speaking slowly. "I will give you a bit of advise, Ron." Which I an only assume is keep your mouth shut and leave it alone or else die.


"Yeah?"


"If-and I stress *if*-Potter is not killed, or claimed by our Lord...ask for him yourself." Lucius is telling me this like it's wrong for him to be doing so. Which I think it is. Which says a lot. It says a hell of a lot. "Ask for him, as Draco asked for you. I warn you there will be a price. And much higher then my Draco was asked to pay."


"What...er, what did Draco do? Cause he won't tell me, and I owe him all of this..."


"He won't tell you?" Lucius sort of shakes his head. "He gave himself to our lord for a bit, that's all."


"Oh." Well, it wasn't as bad as I'd thought.


"But our lord does have cruel tastes."


"Oh." Or maybe it was.


"But do not worry it. Draco is pleased with his choices, as are we all. Who knew, that you would prove such a valuable playing piece."


"Playing piece?" I give a little derisive laugh. "Is that all I am to you Lucius? And I thought you cared..."


"And you know I do." He laughs, and his eyes are as warm as I've ever seen them. "My son cares very deeply for you, you know."


"We're in love." I say it with a shrug, but Lucius smiles.


"I'd a feeling. He is difficult to stand, I am well aware of that. But I believe you compliment each other quite well."


"Yeah, I'm pretty fond of him. Throw's some spectacular fits, though."


"He does at that." Lucius smiles again. "Is there anyone else you wish me to look out for? One or two, perhaps..."


He's offering to help me. Why? I don't know. Maybe he looks at me like a son, the way I look at him as a father. But I'm not going to pass this up.


"A girl..."


"The Mudblood. The clever one." He doesn't even ask, he says it.


"Her name's Hermione." I say, feeling a bit upset at the term. But I hear so often now, it shouldn't matter.


"I know the one. She is not unappealing. Rather...subdued."


"Not in bed." I quip, with a little bit of a smile. Hermione could be damn she-cat when she wanted to be.


"Oh? I will keep that in mind."


Shit. Not the response I was going for. Lucius rises, and I stand up too, to show him out. "Thanks, though." I say, and he nods.


"I will be dropping by tomorrow...Our Lord wants you to learn a few new skills."


"Oh?" I cock my head. New skills? What's all this then?


"He has great things in store for you, Ron." Lucius whispers, resting his hand against my cheek lightly. Then he drops it, pausing. "They think us monsters." He says, looking past me. "And they think that simply because they need to. We are what they fight against, and so we must be Bad." He shakes his head, looking back at me with a tired smile. I think he's tired of war. He's seen a lot of it. "Ah well. It is good to be one of the enlightened."


And then he's gone, and it's true. We are the enlightened. Because we don't think the other side is bad, they're just in our way. Sirius starts clearing up from tea, and I tell him not to.


"Sit." I use my wand to pour another cup, and set it down in front of him. He takes it, frowning slightly. He's forced to wear a collar, one charmed to prevent him from transforming.


"I heard what he said..."


"About Harry?" Sirius nods. I nod in response. "And did he hear what he said about all of you?"


"Sort of." Meaning Sirius didn't understand it.


"War's a tricky thing." I prop my feet up on the table, black leather boots gleaming. I keep my uniform spotless. "Both sides are always fighting for what they believe is Right. But who get's to decide what's Right and Wrong? That's why we're winning. You think you're Right, and we're Wrong. We don't think we're right about anything, we just think you're all running things bad."


"That doesn't make sense."


"Yes, it does. We're not *really* fighting for any grand cause." Can't he see that? After living here, seeing how we act, how we move...can't he see that? "We're fighting because we *want* something. You're driven by righteousness, we're driven by desire."


"You're daft."


"Nope." I shake my head, kind of sadly. "That's just it. I'm one of the sanest ones here. Draco...I love him to death, but he's sort of demented. Hell, you should have been captured a few months ago. There was this psycho, Macnair..."


"Yeah, I've dealt with Macnair."


"Yeah, I had his cock shoved down my throat." I don't want to hear it. Black was never raped by the man.


"This was before you...?"


"Nah, it was after. Seemed he didn't trust me. Voldemort never told me what happened to him, but I don't think it was pleasant."


"Probably not." He drinks his tea. He's not talking back anymore. I'm bored, and lonely, and I wonder where Draco is.


"Do you hate me?" I ask, out of perverted curiosity.


"No. I think you're insane. Honestly. There's something wrong, inside your mind."


"I wish." I grin, feeling malevolent. "Tell me Sirius...do you *want* anything? Anything that I can give you?"


"Excuse me?" He really does think I'm nutters.


"Come on...this whole village is mine now. I'm like...a steward, of some sort. You don't like other guys, fine. Do you want a woman? I could find one for you. Young, big breasted, long haired...hell, *I* could go for one of those. Like I said, I love Draco, but there's times when a man needs a cunt, wouldn't you agree?"


"You're sick."


"Is it sick to want a warm woman in my bed? Or do you prefer them cold?"


"Ron!"


I laugh. It's funny, seeing him this way. "But seriously. Is there anything? Anything at all?" I just want to see if I can get him to ask me for something. That gives me power over him.


"Not really..." But he's thinking about it. There has to be something he wants. I'd offer him Pettigrew, but that's not mine to give. The rat belongs to our lord. Not that he's worth much.


"I'd take me up on that woman thing." Which makes me realize I really do want a woman. I wonder how Draco feels about them. I'll have to find out.


"No. Thanks." He said thanks. The puppy's learning.


"Well, let me know..."


Draco comes back, and he's all full of energy and telling me *everything* that happened to him. I smile, and listen, and then I kick Sirius out and fuck the hell out of my lover.


And wonder what exactly these new skills I'll be learning are.