Warning Signs

Well, here I am. Harry's sitting on my bed, looking at me all expectantly, hands folded in his lap. He always looks so calm, even when he isn't. I wonder what's really going on in his head right now.


"Okay." I'm talking out loud more to steady myself then him. There's...there's something horribly wrong about all of this. I reach out to touch his cheek, and I just...I don't know. I feel wrong, looking at him this way. *Forcing* myself to look at him this way. Yes, he's good looking. So's...so are my brothers. But I wouldn't sleep with any of them! Except maybe Percy, but...


Okay, the mental tangents aren't helping me much. I close my eyes, and I kiss him. I try to think of Draco. That makes things worse. Because Draco doesn't even know about this, and I feel really shitty about that. And he's not even doing anything, he'd just letting me kiss him.


I can't do the foreplay thing. I just can't. There's something sacrilegious about this. This is *Harry*. He's not a lover, he's...he's a friend, he's family. I look away.


"Here....get undressed and lie down." I try and make my voice as soft and as warm as possible. And kind of flirty. I know he asked me to do this, and I know he asked me to trat him like I would a lover, but I can't. Because he's *not* my lover.


"All right..." Harry gives me a weird look, but he slips off the billowy pants and lays back. On his back. Damn it!


But this does help me, actually. Because it's obvious that no, this isn't fun for him either. Neither one of us is the least but hard at the moment, and we're supposed to have sex. Yeah, it's not going to happen.


"I've got to say Ron, if this is how you treat all of your lovers, I'm surprised you're in a relationship."


"Shut up." But there's no real bite to it. I try and get hard, I really do. I let my eyes wander all over his form. He is built a lot like Draco. A little taller though, and slimmer. I can't do it. I stretch out over him, and I kiss him again, and he opens his mouth for me but there's no feeling.


"Look...this...it's hard for me to do this, when I know you don't want it." I explain. "I *am* attracted to you, but you're...I'll be honest with you." I sigh. "I *have* raped people. But...people I didn't like very much."


"This isn't really rape." he tells me, sighing a little bit right back at me. "I told you to do it."


"You want me to do this? Then get hard."


Silence. He can't. Just like I can't.


"Look, I'm sorry...I'll try. I'll really try." I kiss him again, closing my eyes. He smells like… like apples. I try and think of mint. Draco always smells like mint. I try so hard to think of Draco. To pretend that it's Draco under me, Draco who's naked and slim and smooth and pale...


But it's not, and I feel really wrong using him like that. I turn Harry over gently, focusing on his lower back and the tight curve of his arse. I run my hands lightly over the muscles, thumbs delving between them. He sort of squirms, straining away.


I can't do this. I just can't.


"Here...this is going to hurt a little bit..." I mumble a few words to ease his pain, and I thrust three fingers roughly into him. I *can't* make it nice and sweet and tender, because it's not. It's a necessity. He gives a startled little yelp-he wasn't expecting that. And then it's over, and I can feel a little bit of blood on my fingers.


"That was it?" He asks, looking over his should at me. "What...what did you do?"


"The only thing I could. I'm sorry Harry, but...sleeping with you would be like...it would be like cheating." That's, I think, what it all came down to. Draco would have major issues, I think, with me sleeping with Harry. And...I don't know. I don't think I could explain that it was to save his life. That might make things worse.


"I...I get it. No, that was...that was fine." He sits up, and offers a little smile.


"It'll keep us both alive." I tell him. That's all that matters.


"Yeah." I hug him, and it's okay.


"Look...I've got to get out of here for an hour or two." I need to see Draco. I've been too long without him.


"Okay..."


"I...I haven't seen my...it's been a while." Okay, since the morning. But still. After this, I need to see him. Then I finally notice Harry's wrists. They're bleeding a little bit. "Hey...what happened?"


"Oh...when you were shaking me and pulling me and stuff...there *was* rope around my wrists." He sounds sort of accusatory. Oh yeah.


"Let me get that." I heal his wrists, and he gives me a little kiss on the cheek. It's not sexual, but it's nice. "Now I have to go. Just stay here. I'll be back...and I might have company." Which brings up an interesting point. Do I tell him about Draco now, or do I just let him find out on his own? I don't want to deal with that. He can find out on his own.


"I'll...be okay, right?"


"Yeah. I'll ward my door." I leave, and I make sure no one's getting in or *out* of my room. I leave the whole dark dank complex of caves, and I Apparate to the ministry building.


I have no idea where Draco is. So I drop by Percy's office. He's looking a little bit flustered, not that I blame him. He looks like he just threw on his robes and went to work. Which he probably did.


"How's my favorite brother..." I say, voice light and amused.


"Ron!" He looks really bad. I frown.


"Hey Perc." No smile, not light voice. I feel like he looks.


"What...what are you doing here?" He adjusts his glasses, pursing his lips together.


"I needed to get the hell out of there...it's not really good." I throw myself into a chair, and Percy just nods.


"I know."


"How do you know?"


"Draco told me."


Oh. So Draco ad been to see Percy. Weird.


"They kept their promise."


"Hmm?" Percy really needs to start giving me information in the proper sequence.


"Everyone...everyone is alive. And...relatively well."


"What?" Well, yes. The war's over. And none of my family had been taken prisoner.


"They're here. They're...not too happy." Of course not. "Bill's not too bad. Fred and George won't say a thing, and it took me nearly an hour to calm Ginny down."


"Charlie?" Percy hasn't mentioned him at all.


"Er...he's..." He can't be dead.


"He's what?" I push.


"Paralyzed."


"Shit." But paralyzed isn't dead.


"To put it mildly." Percy sits down as well. No wonder he looks so bad. I would to, if I had to deal with all of that. I think...maybe I got off easy. Yeah, I had to deal with a lot of people dying, but I didn't have to deal with my brothers and sister.


"I...I woudn't recommend seeing them. Not now."


"Yeah?"


"They're rather upset with you. Except for Bill."


"Yeah, he's always been pretty laid back."


Percy nods. I sigh, sitting back. What a mess. What a fucking mess. "Where's Draco?"


"He's in the minister's office, I believe. He's..." Percy just sort of shrugs.


"Yeah, it was a tough day." I give him a small smile. "But...I think things are going to be okay. I...I've got Harry."


"Well, thank Merlin for that." Percy nods. "Let's just hope you can keep him."


"Mmm." I don't say anything. What could he say? "I'm gonna go see Draco."


"All right. I'll...I'll keep you updated."


"Thanks."


I just leave him. I want to be sick. Charlie's...I didn't even ask how bad it was. But they're alive. Don't they understand that that's the main point here? I wander around, feeling just damn crappy. But here's the office. Trust Draco to find the best place in the whole building and stake it out as his own. Until we actually do something with it.


"Hey..."


He's sitting in the minister's chair, sort of curled up on himself.


"Ron?"


He looks confused to see me.


"Hey you." I close the door behind me, and cross the room. I just want to hold him and be with him and stuff.


"Is everything over, then?"


"Yeah." I nod, leaning over the desk to kiss him. "It was awful."


"I can imagine. And what of the festivities?"


"Didn't go." I don't want him to talk, I just want him to kiss me.


"Why not?" He's really not into this. I pull away, sighing.


"I had other stuff to deal with. And honestly...it was hard. I saw a lot of people die."


"Better them then you." He gives a little half shrug.


"Yeah..." I lay my head down on the desk, and I feel Draco's hand in my hair. I close my eyes, hating the dead and empty feel of the building now. It's on skeleton crew right now.


"Did many join us?"


"Yeah, a pretty good number." I really don't want to talk about it.


"And who was taken?"


"As...a pet?" I hate the word.


"Yes."


"I don't know. I wasn't paying much attention. Lupin." I shrug. "Harry."


"Oh?" Interest. "And who got the honor of Voldemort's prize?"


"I did."


"Oh?" Ice cold.


"Not for that." I sit up. "I...I couldn't let him die. I stood by while he was beaten and tortured, and I hated myself for it. So...I asked for him. And I have him."


He's just staring at me, and he's not very happy.


"I see."


"Oh come on, don't be like this." I roll my eyes. "What is it? Are you jealous? Don't tell me you're jealous!"


"Why shouldn't I be?" He sort of sneers at me, and it's not a look I like very much. "Potter! Fucking Potter....you've never let go, have you?"


"He's my best friend! I couldn't even...Draco, I was supposed to rape him and I couldn't, because all I could think about was you! When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I love you? What else do I have to do?"


"Nothing." Draco looks down. "Look, let's just forget it."


"That sounds really good to me. I just...I couldn't let him die."


"I know." Draco gives a heavy, dramatic sigh. "I really don't care."


"You sure?"


"I'm sure." He smiles, and folds his hands neatly on the desk.


"Good. You know I'd never… I mean, I'm not gonna go screwing around on you." Hermione doesn't count, I figure. That was a one time thing.


"Of course you are." He sounds so sure of himself.


"No...I'm not. I just told you...I felt guilty when I tried to...you know." I shrug. "If I'm sleeping with someone else, I want you there."


"Oh." He just makes a little gesture with his hands, like he's dismissing it.


"Why're you so sure I would?"


"Just...never mind. It was stupid of me. Forget it." He puts his hands over mine, and I wonder what the hell is going on with him.


"All right." I take his hands, and I kiss them, and he gives me a bright smile. A little *too* bright. He's pissed. He can't hide it from me, but I'll pretend that I've accepted his explanation. It's not that big a deal. He'll see that I really don't have any intentions on Harry, and he'll be fine with it.


"You want to come back?" I ask, standing up. "I don't like leaving Harry alone back there."


"Of course you don't." Yeah, there's that snide tone I know so well.


"And I miss you. I need you..." Sweet and cajoling, and he rolls his eyes. But I pull him to his feet, and I pull him into my arms, and I kiss him, and I feel better. I can't believe I love him the way that I do.


"Of course you do." He says, eyes sparkling. I can't wait. I lock the door, and I toss him over the desk. I kiss him, passionately, pulling at his coat and his trousers, freeing his cock. I lick it, running my tongue over it. I'm...I don't know. Wild, I guess. It's not like the tender, sweet shit we've been doing lately. And it takes more then usual to get him hard. I have to really work at it. Which, I guess, makes sense. It's been a long, weird day.


Eventually, I get him hard with my mouth. It takes a while, but he's exploding into my mouth with a strangled cry. Then tear his pants off, and undo my own, and his legs are around my waist and I'm buried inside of him. It's over in minutes, for me.


"Come on.." I do up my pants, and help him with his, and he stands up and leans into me, not saying anything. I hold him for a minute. I've been kind of insensitive I guess. I've got to pay more attention to him. He's probably feeling sort of ignored.


"Yeah." He says, pulling away and nodding.


The only thing I'm worried about now is how Harry's going to react...


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