Warning: Slash. Lots of male on male allusions. Be warned.

Dedications: To all of those who are keeping up with this...

Author's Note: Hmmm....things seem to be going pretty smoothly in Ron's life right now. Actually, they've been going pretty smoothly for a while. Odd, that. Looks like he's in for smooth sailing here on out, doesn't it?

I must say, when I started this little bit of fiction I never expected it would become what it has-and still will be!-I was chatting with a friend who is a fan of the pairing, and I decided to write another Ron/Draco fiction. But with a twist. And the idea of Death Eater Ron had been floating around in my mind for a bit. It took me an hour or so, the whole shape and everything was just there once I gave it a bit of thought. But I am so happy, and so honored that it's receiving the applause that it has. I want to thank all of you who are keeping up with this story...believe me, there's a whole lot more to come...

Choices



I have to be totally honest with myself. I'm terrified. I'm absolutely and completely terrified. What does he really think? I mean, what did his little smile actually mean? For all I know he could be planning on killing me. Hoping I do want to rape him, so he can bite my tongue and make me bleed to death. I don't know what's going on inside of his head. I just know that he's going to be here, and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.


I know what I *have* to do. I have to do it. They're going to check him. Especially considering who he is to me. My lord is not a stupid man.


I wonder how much time I have. He's going to be cleaned up, and readied for me. Readied. What the hell does that mean?


I am glad, though, that Black isn't here. He'd flip. He wouldn't understand, he never has. Not that I've ever tried to explain myself to him, but still. I'd *imagine* that he's a smart man. But I'd be wrong.


The waiting is really getting to me. I start fidgeting. I hate that I do that. It doesn't look good, nervousness and all of that. Doesn't inspire respect and admiration in the troops. I've been trying to break myself of the habit, but I can't. Some stuff just doesn't go.


I kind of wish Percy was here. He may have an enormous stick up his arse, but he always listens to me, and half the time he understands me. And that means a hell of a lot to me. But he doesn't get to leave.


There's a knock on the door.


"Enter." I like sounding official. It makes me feel important. I know that I am, but it's better to feel that way. Sort of live it up, I guess.


He's brought in. And they did prepare him. He's naked, except for this pair of really gauzy, billowing white pants. And of course a heavy silver collar. But he's clean, and looks completely unharmed. Good.


"You can go." I dismiss the two black coats that brought him in. There's so many of the damn things, I don't even keep track of names. They nod, bow their heads, and walk out.


Now what?


I don't know what to say. The forced him to his knees, when they brought him in, and he hasn't gotten up. His hands are bound behind his back, and he's looking down. I've never really been sexually attracted to him...no, that's a lie. I've been attracted to him, but I've never actually considered sex with him. I wonder why. He's beautiful. His body type is actually very similar to Draco's, lean and smooth. And he's pale, too. But he's black where Draco's white gold, emeralds where Draco's diamonds.


"Hey."


All right. That has to go down in history as the Worst Thing Ever Said At the Worst Possible Time. 'Hey'. What the fuck was that? Of all the things to say...


"Hey."


Okay, so maybe it wasn't that bad. I mean...he's got o be as confused and everything as me. He has to be. Time for the old standby, Honesty.


"Look, I really don't know what to say to you." I sit down on the bed, my hands dangling between my knees. What words are there right now?


"That's okay." He looks up, and there's just the smallest hint of sparkle in his eyes. But it's there. "I don't think I really know what to say either."


"So..." I shrug, and I can't really look at him. He's the only one that makes me feel guilty.


"I'm not...I'm not mad at you." He tells me. "I was, though."


"Oh?" All I'd ever heard was how he trusted me, believed in me, all of that.


"I never told anybody...I figured you...I don't know. I figured you knew what you were doing."


"Oh?" Repetition! The first defense of the man who doesn't want to give anything away.


"You're not stupid, Ron. But...I don't know. When I heard that you...you know. I was angry. And I guess I was angry at myself too, because I know I sort of pushed you away..."


"Oh for fuck's sake!" I can't fucking believe this! I stand up, throwing my hands up in the air. It's always about him, isn't it? "You had *nothing* to do with this!"


"Ron, it's okay." Harry stands up too, offering a small smile. "I don't blame you..."


"When are any of you going to get a fucking clue?" I grab him around the shoulders, and I realize I'm taller then him. Good. That's imposing. "This had nothing to do with you! You didn't affect my decision at all! I was more thinking: 'Hmmm, I can be alive here, and I can actually be appreciated'. You see, the decision centered purely on me. Me. Not you, me."


"Ron...calm down..." He's getting scared. I let go of him. This isn't what I want.


"Look, Harry, I'm sorry. But this really was all about me. I do that sometimes, you know. Put myself first in my mind. You sort of die if you don't. Not you, specifically, you always put yourself first, but we aren't all like that. If there was too many martyrs in the world there wouldn't be any."


"What do you mean?"


"I don't know, I fucked it up. Something about too many martyrs...the point is: Not everybody is selfless. I'm not. I'm doing damn well here. I'm a fucking ranking officer. And we won! I don't really regret my decision."


"Okay." Harry nods. "So maybe I was wrong about you. I figured you were doing this because you thought you could help. I was wrong. And I guess you just wanted me here to..." He can't even say it.


"Oh, come off it! You're so fucking dramatic! I get enough of that in my sex life, I don't need it from you too." I fidget with my ring, suddenly wishing Draco were here. He always puts everything so...so perfectly. He never minces words, he just puts it out there in all it's harsh truth. I need that now.


"Then explain it to me Ron! Because I want to believe that you're still a good person!"


"I am!" I sigh. " haven't changed any. Just my environment has." That's the best way I can put it. "If the same set of circumstances had happened but like, opposite, nothing would have changed." I'm not making any sense.


"And?"


"And I have helped! I let Neville go, didn't I? And I saved Hermione's, arse, she's doing damn well for herself." Or so I've heard. Lucius treats her good, though he's beginning to get bored with her. He does that. As long as she can keep him surprised, she'll be fine. And even if she can't, he'll just retire her or something.


"And you! You're here, instead of...I don't know. Somewhere worse. And if you can keep your mouth shut, I'll keep it that way. Oh! Sirius! I saved is arse, too. I was *supposed* to kill him, but I didn't. I put him in a position where he's out of bounds, and get's treated damn good. I've done what I could Harry, so don't go telling me I haven't done anything to help, or that I'm not still a good person." I want him to understand.


"And...these people Harry....they're just people. They're good people, they just believe something you don't. And don't get all moral on me, that's all it is. Wars are fought for a shit load of different reasons, but everybody thinks that they're right. And there's no such thing as right or wrong, there's just what you believe. Me, I believe in not dying."


He's not impressed. I can see that clearly. He looks sort of hurt, sort of betrayed.


"Ron..."


"If you ask me what happened, I swear Harry..."


"No." He shakes his head. "I...I understand you, but I don't agree with you. There is a thing as right and wrong. It is right to fight for what you believe in. It is wrong to fight those who stand with you. But you don't believe any of what you're fighting for, and you *have* fought everyone who's ever stood with you. You fought them before, you fought us after."


"No." Okay, so he has a couple of points. But he doesn't see the reasoning! "I believe in some things I'm fighting for. A fair and just government. The survival of my family. The end of a war-which is now over."


"Ron, your parents..."


"I know about my parents. It was an accident. And you've got no right to argue with me about that. The only person who has any right to argue is Percy cause he was there, and he agrees with me."


"He's...he's all right?"


"He's fine. He's happy. As happy as Percy can be, anyway. Spends all day doing stuff with files, he loves it."


"Oh." I've got him stumped. Finally.


"Now, look, I'm pretty sure everything's going to go fine for you. But you've got to...well, just don't mouth off and stuff."


"What are you going to do?"


"I'm going to be creative." I give him a self-assured smile. "You see, I'm going to be *very* impressed with you tonight. It's going to be amazing. Because I've wanted it for so long, and it was better then I could have veer imagined, and the look of betrayal in your eyes when I threw you on the bed...blah blah blah. I want it again. I want you....please my lord, let me have you..." I make my voice go breathless and obsessed again.


"That's creepy."


"I know, but it's authentic." I grin again.


"And that sort of thing works?"


"Yeah....I've got Sirius as my personal servant. I can get you as my sex slave. But I'm not actually going to *use* you, I'd wake up with my skin tacked to the wall." Nervous chuckle. No, Draco would not be happy about that. And I want to keep Draco happy.


"Oh?" Curious. It's scary, how damn calm he is about this.


"Yeah....I'm in a *very* serious relationship. Serious to the point of scary. We'll talk about it later."


"Okay." He seems calmer now. After out little blow out. "I...This is going to sound damn stupid, but are we still friends?"


"Of course we are."


I hug him. I get up, walk over to him, and hug him. And he hugs me back. We just stand there, hugging. And then I remember he's basically naked and I have to sleep with him.


"Now...look...they're going to check."


"Check what?"


"To make sure I broke you in."


"Oh." He looks down, like he's embarrassed. And I remember what happened in Voldemort's throne room.


"Oh yeah...sorry about earlier." I flush, and now we're both staring at the floor.


"It's okay. I bet...I bet you do a lot of things you don't want to."


"Not really." If it hurts him to hear the truth, I'm sorry but that's how it has to be. "But...I've got to...you know."


"I guess you do."


Then there's a very awkward silence. I can't do this. I can't sleep with him, and I sure as hell can't take his virginity. As much as my cock would like to.


"I don't want to." I admit to him. "I just...as long as you're....broken, it's okay."


"What exactly do you mean?" He looks up at me, obviously confused.


"I don't want to get too technical, but all we've got to do is shove something relatively thick up your arse."


"Thank you for the lovely visual." He shakes his head. "No, go ahead. You'd better do it. You'll get in trouble if you don't."


"I can talk my way out of it. I'm Voldemort's golden boy. Go figure."


Now he's staring at me blankly. I get really self conscious, and I ask him what's wrong.


"You've never said his name."


"Oh. That. It's really hard to be scared of him now. I mean...I've spent a lot of time with him. And it's no big deal. He can be wicked nice, when he wants to be."


"Sorry, I can't really agree with you on that one."


"You don't have to." I shrug. I'm not going to shove my views off onto him, he can think what he wants as long as he keeps his mouth shut. "But Harry...You're like...you're like family."


"What happened to doing anything to save me? I'll be honest with you. I'm not into other guys at all. But..." He shrugs. I think I kind of get what he's saying. He doesn't think so, though. "If it has to happen, may as well...one of us may as well get something out of it."


"I like your thinking." I grin. "But...what exactly do you mean?" I've got two options. I can get a lot out of this. Or I can just use a bit of magic so he doesn't feel anything, and get it over with as quick as possible.


"I mean...do it like you would with a lover." Harry gives me this weak little smile. "I mean, it's you. It can't be all that bad if it's you."


"Yeah..." I guess he has a point. But he has no idea what he's getting into. I mean, I *will* treat him like...well, like I'd treat Draco. That's all I can give him. I just hope I don't get carried away. Like with Black. Of course, that was a completely different scenario. I wanted to hurt and humiliate Black. I don't want to do that to Harry. He...maybe he doesn't *really* understand, but he's at least tried. More so then Hermione did, anyway. And he sort of gets my line of thinking, Bad things happen to people. Make it the best you can.


"What?"


"Nothing. Just thinking." I tilt my head, giving him one of my grins. "Come on...you wanna do this, we'll do this..."


"I don't really, but..."


"Yeah. Welcome to my world." But after a while, I had wanted to. And now I almost...I don't know. It's not like I love it, or anything, but it's what I do. I do all of this stuff that I used to think was awful, and I hardly even think about it anymore. It's just...what I do.


He doesn't say anything to that, just gives me a weird look. Not a bad look, exactly, just a weird one. Suddenly, I just want this to be over with.


"Come on." I hold my hand out to him, hoping I'm not making a huge mistake.


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