Disclaimer: Just bad language
Dedication: To my wonderful, amazing boyfriend for giving the desire to write again.
Author's Note: Poor Ron. He's in quite a bind, and he knows it. But he...well...sort of maybe tries to help himself. You'll see!



Spurned Redemption



For all my strategic brilliance, I'm really very stupid. I'm a fucking death eater. All the people I ever cared about (except for draco and lucius) are on the other side. I guess...I should have known I could only stay out of it for so long. That at some point, I'd cross paths with *someone*. And now I have, but it's in a damn better circumstance then I'd imagine.


We've got spies over there, and they've got spies over here. And they're getting new spies. And one of them happened to be: Neville Longbottom.


Yeah, not exactly prime candidate for spy material, but here he was all of a sudden, just sitting on my bed with these big huge eyes all hurt and angry and accusing. And I want to know how the fuck he got in here. My rooms are warded. Sealed! And he isn't one of the obvious spies, he's an honest to Merlin behind the scenes, don't get caught kind of spy.


What I started out as.


"How the fuck did you get in here?"


So maybe it wasn't the greatest ling, given the circumstances. But it's the first thing that comes to mind. I really want to know! He shouldn't have been able to get in here!


"I broke your wards." He says, and he looks like he's going to cry. Anger tears though. "Ron...please..."


"Oh lord...Neville, if you tell me to 'say it isn't true', I'm going to have to kill you on charges of being horribly cliché. To save you the trouble, yes. I'm one of them, branded and all. Why? None of your business. Now you sure as hell better get out of here. I'm not usually alone, so unless you want to find yourself on the pointy end of a rather nasty device, scram."


"What happened to you?" Misty voiced, big eyes, it's actually sort of making me sick.


"Nothing." I shrug, and I just want him to leave. "Nothing happened. Well, I mean, yeah there was the torturing and the raping and the beating and the having to drink my own piss to survive, but other then that...nothing."


"They did this to you." And he's all weak and watery.


"No, they didn't." I try and explain. "I was always like this, they just appreciate it. Now get the hell out! Draco's going to be here any minute, or Lucius. And you don't want to be found by one of them. And I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do for you one you get caught."


"Come back with me, Ron..."


"No." Come back? What does he think I am, an idiot? I think not. My mother raised no fools. Well, maybe one or two, but I'm not one of them.


"Please Ron! Harry's sick with worry..."


"Then you can tell him I'm fine, I send my love, and I hope he doesn't die." Now I'm practically hauling him off of the bed.


"But you're not fine! They brainwashed you...or something."


"No they didn't! Why the hell can't you wrap your simple little mind around that fact? I'm here of my own free will." I didn't even realize I was shaking him. But I am now, and he's terrified. It's...it's sad, but it's sort of intoxicating. He's scared of me. I have power. Power is a damn powerful drug. Maybe Draco was right...Power's going to my head.


"Please...stop it Ron..."


I think I might have hurt him. I let him go, and he sort of falls back onto the bed. I was yelling pretty loudly too. I'm lucky no one came running in. Neville's crying. I made him cry. Well, that's nothing new.


"I'm sorry." I help him up, and I put my arm around his shoulders. "But you have to leave. They're going to catch you. And then they'll kill you, unless someone wants you as a pet. That's how I managed to get where I am now, I was Draco's little fuck toy. And you don't want that either. So...


"Get out. Tell Harry I'm sorry, tell him to be careful, and tell him I love him. As a friend, not the other way, I love him as a friend. Tell him...tell him, if we're both alive after this damn thing, then I'll explain everything." I guess that's good enough.


"And tell him that if he decides to kill me, I understand, it's what I'd do." There. I'm completely honest. And at least now I'll sort of know Harry understands. Sort of. It's better then nothing. Better then wondering, wishing I had a way to get in touch with him.


"I...Ron..." Neville's still sputtering and whimpering. I finally just grab him, and shake him.


"Just do it! I'm letting you walk out of here, and if they find out, I'm a dead man. Now. Get. Out." I can't let him get caught here. He has to get out, even if it's only to tell Harry. He's staring at me with his big, huge eyes and then he just nods and slips out the door.


He made it back, or so I find out later. Now, now I just collapse on my bed and wish I were far, far away.


I want to see Harry again. Just look at him, know for myself that he's alive. I could always sneak in, and sneak right back out. If they'd let me. They wouldn't want me going back there. They'd be too damn afraid that I'd turn tail again. Once a traitor, always a traitor. Whose to say I won't go running on back if the mood strikes me?


It makes me think of Pettigrew. He's scampering around here somewhere. I see him now and again. He looks better then he did. I'm not much different then him, I guess. But I didn't turn Harry over to Voldemort, and I'm not going to. Not...not directly anyway. But I don't worry about him, too much. It isn't as if Dumbledore's going to stick him on the front lines. Harry's safe somewhere.


Draco comes in. He's quiet, and he's carrying something. Papers and scrolls and things like that.


"What's all that?" I ask, jerking my head towards him.


"Old treaties. I'm studying them."


"Why?"


"Because I'm *going* to be a diplomat!" He's getting snappish with me. A diplomat? What the fuck is wrong with him?


"What the fuck is wrong with you? You, a diplomat? Draco, you've got one of the snidest tempers I've ever encountered. You could never be a diplomat."


"I could and I will!" He throws his papers at me, and I duck out of the way. "Why can't you just have faith in me?"


"Because you've never given me any reason to!" I hate fighting with him, but I love it. "Now come here."


"No." He shakes his head, and gathers up the stuff he had thrown at me. No? He never says no to me? Does he understand I want to sleep with him? I need it, now. After seeing Neville, I need that release.


"What do you mean, no?"


"I mean what I said Ron. No. Not right now. I have things I need to do."


"All you need to do is sit around and look sexy." I give him a good long sultry look. Half lidded eyes and all. He just huffs at me, and he definitely does not look sultry at me. In fact, he looks downright angry.


"No Ron, if we'll remember correctly that used to be your job. And it should have stayed that way! But now you're some...prodigy of some sorts. Get over it. I have a purpose too. And it so happens I'm *good* at negotiating! Not that you'd ever notice!"


"Because all you ever do is yell at me!" Where the fuck is all of this coming from? What is up with Draco lately? He's been acting like a different person.


"What else am I supposed to do? You're my lover! We fight! I only yell at you because I love you and you don't give one shit about me!"


That shuts me up. What the hell can I say to that? What does he expect me to say? And since when does he love me? It's true, all I ever do is yell. And fuck him senseless. But that does not a loving relationship make.


"It's not that I don't give a shit." I finally say. He's standing there, shoulders shaking but in an angry way, not an I'm-about-to-cry way. "It's just that I don't love you. I care about you, and stuff, but no. I don't love you. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. And I had no clue you were in love with me!"


"Why else would i put up with you?" He has a damn good point. Which begs the question why do I put up with him? I could easily find someone else to convince myself I needed. It's like he's reading my mind. "What's your excuse for staying with me?"


"I need you." It's an honest answer. "I need a reason to tell myself I'm here for. I tell myself I'm here for you. It makes things easier."


"So what I said to you was right."


"What? When? You say a lot of things Draco."


"When I told you that you were just using me."


"Oh." I shrug. "Yeah, maybe." Why did he have to bring all this up now? I'm in no mood. "What the hell do you want me to do?"


"I don't know! Just...give me some damn credit once in a while."


"Fine. I'll give you support and all that. Maybe you can negotiate. Like you said, how the fuck would I know? Good for you Draco."


"Don't patronize me." He's got that deadly hiss in his voice and I know I'm in deep shit.


"I'm sorry." I stand up, and I go to him and pull him into a warm embrace. "I'm sorry. I've had a bad day, and I'm taking it out on you, and I'm sorry." I kiss the top of his head, hoping to appease him.



"Well don't!" But he tucks his head against my shoulder. He's calming down a little bit.


"I know, I said I was sorry. Let's forget about it, okay? And...give me some time, all right?" Maybe I can love him. If I give myself time, and if we can go a day or so without fighting, and if I tell myself enough...


"Well obviously." He's still snappy, but he looks up and there's a sparkle in his eyes, and he kisses me and I guess he's forgotten about all of his studying after all...