Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was everybody's job. Everybody thought that anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that everybody blamed somebody when actually nobody asked anybody.
Funny Name: Joe King
Sure the earlybird gets the worm, but the 2nd rat gets the cheese.
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
There was a man that fell out of a plane.
Fortunately there was a hay stack under him,
Unfortunately there was a pitch fork in the hay,
Fortunately he didn't land on the pitch fork,
Unfortunately he didn't land on the hay!
You gotta think about this one! Email me if ya don't get this one.
MR SNAKES
MR NOT
OSMR
CDBDI'S
LIB
MR SNAKES!
Did you hear that McDonald's is buying the Civic Arena?
They're going to call it the Macarena.
| I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day, I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank goodness for heroes. |
1. The more I think of you, the more I 2. Love you; I cannot see how any one could 3. Hate you. You have always been to me an 4. honest, faithful friend, and I hope my love is not an 5. Object of contempt. It is true that Once I said 6. I would never marry, but that was before 7. I loved you. That assertion you know was 8. uttered in a bragging manner, in fact not but 9. a lie, and I do not know why I made it. If I 10. could even pluck up enough courage to 11. offer you my hand I know very well you 12. would be surprised and I doubt if you 13. would accept it. I do not think I would 14. listen to a refusal from your lips and 15. thus make my whole life miserable. To die 16. without ever expressing my love for you 17. would be preferable to that. If you write to me 18. I shall be happy, but if you do not 19. I shall be miserable and gloomy, your letters 20. are a source of pleasure and a failure to get them 21. always make me feel like committing suicide.
NOW READ THIS POEM AGAIN...BUT ONLY THE ODD NUMBERED LINES....
A poll conducted among INFOCUS readers has established "waka" as the proper pronunciation for the angle-bracket characters <, though some readers held out resolutely for "norkies." The text of "the poem" follows:
<>!*''#
^"`$$-
!*=@$_
%*<>~#4
&[ ]../
|{,,SYSTEM HALTED
The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, to wit:
Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equals at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.
Read this sentence:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Now count aloud the F's in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE; do
not go back and count them again. Then see below...
Answer below (scroll down) ...
ANSWER:
There are six F's in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds
three of them. If you spotted four, you're above average. If you
got five, you can turn your nose at most anybody. If you caught six,
you are a genius. There is no catch. Many people forget the OFs. The
human brain tends to see them as "V's" instead of "F's".
Bet you said "A Bird in the Bush", right?
Read it it again! It says a bird in the the Bush!
Did I get you on the line "Read it again"?
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers...like a telephone...on his hand and talking into his hand. The bar tender walks over and tells him that this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here. The guy says, "You don't understand; I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular." The bar tender says, "Prove it." The guy dials up a number and 'hands' his hand to the bar tender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. "That's incredible", says the bartender ... "I would never believe it!" "Yeah", said the guy, "I'm really very hi-tech. I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it! By the way, where is the men's room?" The bar tender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in and doesn't come out for the longest time.
Fearing the worst given the tough neighborhood, the bar tender goes into the men's room. There is the guy... he is spread-eagle on the wall...his pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt.
"Oh my god", said the bar tender,
"Did they rob you? How much did they get?"
The guy turns and says: "No, no,... I'm just waiting for a fax!"
|