This is obviously my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe, because we do not have cute kids in my Universe Tradition. Think about it. When was the last time you saw Governor Bush or Secretary Cheney look comfortable near a small child?

That being said, and I feel, quite strongly, that it needed to be said, as I said, we are left with the larger question of just why I am so positive that this potentially devastating - - well, it certainly could have a negative effect of an unknown, but potentially large quantity - - of why anybody as intelligent as my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe would even consider do something so asinine as leaking Governor Bush’s arrest record.

In your Universe Tradition, study after study has shown that negative campaigning only hurts the candidate doing the negative campaigning. I need hardly tell you that this, like so many other moral and ethical points, is the exact polar opposite of my and Texas Governor George W. Bush’s Universe Tradition. And it’s exactly that sort of difference I think we as Americans, regardless of which Universe Traditions we follow, if any, can celebrate together, as, at the same time, we embrace our common, yet potentially alternate humanity. Sadly, it appears that Governor Bush does not appreciate this and many other important if subtle distinctions between our Universe Traditions. And, in doing so, I fear he has only himself to blame for the state of his campaign, which is, as I said earlier, falling apart like a wet graham cracker. Now, here’s where that’s important, and why.

Prior to running Texas into the ground, Governor Bush has spent his political life as a hatchet man, digging up any trivial detail which could, given the American public’s limited attention span, be twisted into a negative attack against a rival. During his father’s 1988 presidential campaign against then Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis - - which, now I know you’ll find this interesting, was the campaign in which my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe made his first run for President - - Governor Bush was the right hand man to Lee Atwater, king of the dirty tricks. These two "played the race card", in other words, pandered to the lowest, racist fears of the less enlightened members of the voting public, by launching the infamous "Willie Horton" ad against Dukakis, despite the fact that Horton was paroled during the tenure of Dukakis’ predecessor. Governor Bush has also has a long history of seeking revenge against anyone who opposes him, up to and including funding campaigns of the Democratic rivals of his Republican foes.

Although it goes against every teaching of my and Governor Bush's Universe Tradition, I have a wonderful relationship with my soulmate and life partner for the past thirty years, my wife Tipper. I know it's controversial, but I feel there are some things that are better than pure evil.

Now I want to assure the American people that here is another example of the important differences between the policies that I and Governor Bush are proposing. Under no circumstances would I ever help a Republican get elected. Ever. I, like all other members of my Universe Tradition, strive to become the pure, supreme evil we wish to see in the world, but I’m sure not aiming to be that evil.

Or that flat out stupid.

And finally, Governor Bush has made personal morality the centerpiece of his non-issue campaign. How many times has he repearted the same tired soundbytes that he will "change the tone in Washington", "usher in the 'Responsibility Era'", "restore honor and dignity to the White House" and that "the President should be held to a higher standard"? Some have suggested, possibly correctly, that Governor Bush is so incredibly stupid he doesn’t realize that he is not campaigning against President Clinton, but rather, is campaigning against my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe, who is, and I think we can all pretty much agree, so clean he squeaks. What exactly is Governor Bush trying to imply, any way? What crime has my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe committed? What crime has my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe even been charged with? What actual scandals are connected to my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe? Well, I know I promised I would not use any numbers, but I have to use one. Here it is:

After watching the relationship my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe has with his new grandson, a relationship I might add, that goes against all the teachings of my and Governor Bush’s Universe Tradition, I am tempted to bond emotionally with my own offspring and their offspring in turn. There is truly so much we can learn from each other.

That is, unless you think it’s scandalous for my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe to have actually taken the lead in developing the Internet you are using right now, at this moment to entertain and inform you in ways that America never even dreamt of, back when my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe was a young man, volunteering for active duty in Vietnam. Or you think it’s scandalous for my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe and his college roommate, the highly talented and much decorated actor Tommy Lee Jones, to have been used as the model for a character in that touching, yet highly dated romantic novel "Love Story", which was made into a motion picture, you may recall, where Ryan O’Neal, not Tommy Lee Jones, played the character in question. Or you think it’s scandalous that my extremely non-evil double from an alternate, yet truly compassionately Progressive universe visited the Texas wildfires with one of FEMA director James Witt’s deputies, rather than James Witt himself.

I think, regardless of our Universe Tradition, we as Americans can safely say: "No, those are not real scandals."

The real scandal is that the GOP is running a coke snorting, draft dodging, Granny killer for Christ whose DUI bust is just the tip of the iceberg as far as his criminal record is concerned, a too-rich-by-a-long-stretch imbecile who couldn’t hold a job at McDonald’s if he had to work for a living like the rest of us rather than skate by on his Daddy’s money, a hypocritical, lying prig who has never been formally introduced to dignity, honor or responsibility.

The real scandal is that asshole Smirk had it coming to him. Big time.

The Stage Is Set - - All That’s Missing Is You!

Have you called 10 friends to remind them Tuesday is the election - -
and asked them to vote for Al Gore and the rest of your state’s Democratic ticket?

Have you volunteered at least 3 hours at your local Democratic headquarters?

Are you keeping an eye out for Right Wing voter intimidation efforts?



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