THE POSSUM COUNTY DAILY FLAPDOODLE Serving America - One Possum At A Time! NO!! I WANT THE OLD JOKES!!! NOW!!!! Just who's in charge here, anyway?

I wish I was way cool like my boss, Satan.

Debates are hard. You have to practice all the time, even when you are doing something else. Condoleeza told me I can not smile when I debate. Here I practice not smiling. The lady next to me is my wife. Her name is Mrs. George W. Bush. I do not know who the other people are. I think they are Real People. But I am not sure.

I miss my pillow.

Karl says I have to practice for the debate. Karl says I practice by seeing way more Real People. These Real People ask hard questions. I have to stay up late, and not take naps. I get tired and confused. Hard questions get even harder when I am tired and confused. I tell Karl debating is for tree-hugging pansy-assed fruits. Karl tells me to sit down and shut up. I have a secret. I like Karl less and less each day.

I was looking Presidential right before this. This is me when I saw that dumb Gore guy was there.

After I practiced, I went to the debate. The debate was in Boston. Boston has crabcakes! I like Boston. Debates are on stage. In a debate, you say your sound byte. But you have to say your sound byte fast. That is how you debate. Also, you must look Presidential. Looking Presidential is hard. You have to say words slow and not fall asleep. But you have to do something even harder than that! You have to be nice to that dumb Gore guy. Nobody told me he would be at the debate. Maybe he is not supposed to be there. I am tired and confused. I wonder if being tired and confused is Presidential. My brain hurts way worse now.

That dumb Gore guy ruined the whole debate!

That dumb Gore guy kept talking about numbers. He would not shut up about numbers. Numbers, numbers, numbers! Numbers make my brain hurt. I tried to say my sound byte about being a uniter, not a divider. But that dumb Gore guy would not shut up about numbers. He was so lucky Mrs. George W. Bush was at the debate. Otherwise, I might have had the Texas Rangers rough him up.

That dumb Gore guy would not shut up. He is so on my list.

After he talked about numbers, I said my phony numbers sound byte. Then he talked way more about more numbers, so I said my fuzzy Washington math sound byte. Then he talked even way more about even way more numbers, so I said my funny sound byte about how that dumb Gore guy invented the calculator. Karl said that sound byte would make people laugh. Karl said that sound byte would make that dumb Gore guy shut up. That dumb Gore guy did not laugh. He did not shut up. He kept talking and talking about even way, way, way more numbers. That dumb Gore guy is so dumb. He does not even know what sound bytes are for.

Here is that dumb Gore guy after the debate. I do not know who these other assholes are. When I find out, they are so on my list.

After the debate Karl would not talk to me. Condoleeza would not talk to me. My way cool boss Satan would not talk to me. That’s okay. I got to take a nap for once! That dumb Gore guy was too dumb to take a nap. He just kept talking and talking about way more numbers. That dumb Gore guy is the dumbest guy I've ever met.

I do not know who these other assholes are either. But they are on my list, too. My list is getting way long!

These assholes have been following me around since I had my debate. I do not know who these assholes are. I ask Karl if they are Real People. If they are not Real People, I could have the Texas Rangers rough them up. Karl tells me to sit down and shut up. Sometimes I think about adding Karl to my list. But then I would have to hire somebody else. So Karl is not on my list. Yet.

After the debate I was not allowed to play Super Mario Brothers any more. Rats.

This is my friend Jimmy. Jimmy taught me to play Super Mario Brothers. Jimmy is not on my list. Here Jimmy says he is crunching the numbers for my budget. But the machine does not make crunching noises, like when I eat raisin bran! I get confused. But Jimmy tells me that dumb Gore guy was right when he said my budget was bad. Jimmy tells me my numbers are phony and my math is fuzzy. I laugh because Jimmy does not say the sound byte the right way. Jimmy says I am so screwed.

I am not worried. Tonight my way cool boss Satan has his own debate. Satan is a way good debater.

Who could win against Satan?

The Fine Folks At Fox and Halliburton Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guy.
Or Else.