THE POSSUM COUNTY DAILY FLAPDOODLE Serving America - One Possum At A Time! NO!! I WANT THE OLD JOKES!!! NOW!!!! Just who's in charge here, anyway?

Hello, Real People. It is I, Texas Governor George W. Bush.

Hello there, Real People. It is I, Texas Governor George W. Bush. I run for President. See me run. Run, W., run. This is what happened to me today. Don’t worry. I have a lot of pictures. The pictures tell my story.

Today I am mad and unhappy. What is wrong? That dumb Gore guy! Karl says that dumb Gore guy is a big, fat liar. I am glad to hear that, because his sound bytes are way different than mine. I got scared when he said them at my debate. I thought I learned all the sound bytes wrong! But Karl says not to listen to what that dumb Gore guy says in my next debate. Karl says just remember that dumb Gore guy is a big, fat liar.

Today Karl is reading the Washington Post. Today Karl is very mad. Karl says the bad words I’m not supposed to say when there are reporters in the room. I get scared I said my sound bytes wrong again. I ask Karl why is he so mad. Karl makes me read the Washington Post. Out loud.

I think sometimes Karl is real mean. I think I don’t care if I have to hire somebody else. I think I am going to put Karl on my list anyway. But then I read the Washington Post out loud. This is what the Washington Post said:

LONGBOAT KEY, Fla., Oct 9 – The Republican father of a girl who couldn't find a desk in an overcrowded Sarasota classroom came to the defense of Vice President Gore today for his description of the incident during last week's debate.

"He was using an illustration to drive home a point, and then it was picked apart," said the girl's father, Randall S. Ellis, 39, the manager of a restaurant overlooking Sarasota Bay. "He stated what was stated in the newspaper. It ended up stirring the pot quite a bit, but I believe good things will come of it for our school system."

In an interview with The Washington Post, the superintendent of the school also vouched for Gore's accuracy about an incident that his Republican rival Texas Gov. George W. Bush is using to portray Gore as playing loose with the facts.

During the first presidential debate, Gore told the story of Kailey Ellis, a 10th-grader at Sarasota High School who had been photographed by the local paper, the Herald-Tribune, standing in the back of a biology laboratory. Kailey's father sent the clipping to Gore when his restaurant, Marina Jack, catered 45 crabcake sandwiches for Air Force Two. The caption said, "Kailey Ellis, 15, stands in the back of her science class because there isn't room for another desk to accommodate her."

Sometimes I think the TV doesn't like me.

That dumb Gore guy got six percent more of the TV than I did. See? He looks way more Presidential. That’s not fair. I would look so Presidential if I got six percent more than he did.

Nobody is supposed to be this much way taller than me. Rush Limbaugh said so.

That dumb Gore guy is way too tall. I had to stand on a box when I had my debate. I got scared I would forget to stand still and I would fall off the box. That wouldn’t look very Presidential!

That dumb Gore guy is so dumb! You're only supposed to kiss that colored gal, Oprah.

That dumb Gore guy is always kissing his wife. You never see me, Texas Governor George W. Bush, kiss my wife. His wife has a way dumb name. His wife is named "Tipper". Tipper is a dumb name. My wife doesn’t have a dumb name. My wife is named Mrs. Texas Governor George W. Bush.

He better count the silverware after his Real People leave. Ha, ha!

That dumb Gore guy is always talking to his Real People. Talk, talk, talk! They do not know their sound bytes. They do not promise to vote for him before they are let inside. Talk, talk, talk! I asked Condoleeza what his Real People were saying in this picture. Condoleeza said they are talking about how to fix schools. That is so dumb! Everybody knows you fix schools by buying stock in charter school companies, then vetoing the state school budget. That Gore guy is so dumb.

God doesn't like Jews. That's why they're on my list.

That dumb Gore guy picked a Jew for his Vice President. Everybody knows Jews can’t get into Heaven! How can he be Vice President if he can’t get into Heaven? Daddy told me that’s in the Constitution someplace. I chose a good Vice President. I chose my way cool boss, Satan.

That dumb Gore guy cheats! He knows there are no blue skies in Texas!

That dumb Gore guy is always standing next to a tree. Or a caribou. I guess that part is okay. I, Texas Governor George W. Bush, have done photo-ops with trees. Trees make good photo-ops, because they don’t cry like babies. But that dumb Gore guy is always saying "Be nice to trees" at his photo-ops. And "Be nice to caribou". How dumb is that? Trees don’t donate hard money! Or soft money! I am not sure about caribou.

That dumb Gore guy is such a total brain. He is so on my list since forever.

That dumb Gore guy is always showing off what a brain he is. Condoleeza said this picture is of that dumb Gore guy taking a break from his debate practice. He gets a break, but I do not! What does that dumb Gore guy do on his break? He reads books. For fun! I, Texas Governor George W. Bush never read a book for fun. And I, Texas Governor George W. Bush, am not allowed to play Donkey Kong until November 8th! That’s practically Christmas! What a total gyp!

There's always mushy stuff around that dumb Gore guy!

People are always kissing around that dumb Gore guy. Yuck!

This is that dumb Gore guy in the army. The army is dumb. You have to show up every day.

This picture is from a long time ago. This is that dumb Gore guy when he was way younger. In this picture, he asked to go to Vietnam. I thought his Daddy was somebody. I asked Condoleeza who was that dumb Gore guy’s Daddy? Condoleeza told me his Daddy was a Senator! That dumb Gore guy could have been in the Texas Air National Guard, like I was! But instead, he asked to go to Vietnam. People used to get killed in Vietnam. That dumb Gore guy must be the dumbest guy ever.

More mushy stuff. Ick!

Here is that dumb Gore guy with the can lady. He is always whining about how the can lady needs more money for food. And medicine. How dumb is that? If the can lady needs money, she should just get a job.

Neither of these assholes is that dumb Gore guy.

This isn't that dumb Gore guy. This is some foreign leader guy. I can tell by looking at this foreign leader guy he will have a hard name. That means way more practicing! Practice, practice, practice! That is so dumb! When I am President, I won’t have to talk to foreign leader guys. I will have them talk to Satan. Satan says that’s the best thing to do.

The guy next to the foreign leader guy is President Clinton. I don’t like President Clinton. President Clinton was supposed to be impeached. President Clinton was supposed to take that dumb Gore guy with him. President Clinton didn’t get impeached. President Clinton didn’t take that dumb Gore guy away. President Clinton is so on my list.

I forgot to tell you. This is a page from my debate practice book. I hate my debate practice book. It has all the names and stuff I have to know before my next debate. My debate practice book is way hard. If it wasn’t for that dumb Gore guy, I wouldn’t have to read my debate practice book. When I remember that, I don’t have enough room on my list for how mad I am about that dumb Gore guy.

Someday I will find out who each of these assholes are. Then they will all be so on my list.

This is the worst thing that dumb Gore guy does. He gets all these assholes to vote for him. They should vote for me, Texas Governor George W. Bush! I got way more contributions than that dumb Gore guy did. I spent way more money campaigning than dumb Gore guy did. I bought way more attack ads than that dumb Gore guy did. That dumb Gore guy doesn’t even know how to make attack ads. His attack ads say "Texas air is dirty." Duh!

Every day I hear on the TV I am winning. I ask Karl how much am I winning by. Karl tells me to sit down and shut up. I ask Ari when I can stop campaigning and play Donkey Kong with Jimmy. Ari tells me to sit down and shut up. I ask my way cool boss, Satan, when can we stop buying ads and pocket the rest of the money. Satan tells me to sit down and shut up.

If it wasn’t for that dumb Gore guy, nobody would tell me to sit down and shut up. I think I have to start a new list, just for him.

The Fine Folks At Fox and Halliburton Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guy.
Or Else.