The Daily Flapdoodle

THE POSSUM COUNTY DAILY FLAPDOODLE
Serving America - One Possum At A Time!

Dateline: September 12, 2000
(Note: Today's update was written by our extra-special correspondent, Texas Governor George W. Bush)

OOOOOOEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey there, Real Peoples. This am Texas Gubnor George W. Bush now writin the reportage today, on akkount of I be more knowingable than some major league assholes workin on this kinda jobskill I could think of off the top of my brain.

So what the SamHill is the problemations with my new campaign commmmmmershial? I is deeply offendiated that sum ole meanies kin say I, Texas Gubnor George W. Bush, would run a ad what am sneaky, underhandied and sublimeinal to trick you Real Peoples inta thinkin Real Nasty stuff bout my oponint. I thunk my ad were the real serious minded, issue orientated type plain spoken advertizament that y'all have come to except from we all at Teem Bush. OOOOOOOEEEEEE!!! GO TEEM!!!!


Look, here am my extra hepful ad

See? There ain't nuthin the least bit sneaky or submimational bout it. It jist 'splains lots bout the multitudinous problems that dumb Gore fella has done got with his stoopid "Oooo-I'm-Such-A-Brain" drug plan. Like Mr. Rogers knows thing one bout drugs! Gimme a break. Anyhows, we all here at Teem Bush also done made sum other insightfuled ads for other issues in all them states what I suddenly gots to start campaignin in, like I don't gots enuff to do!! Here are sum of my most illuminated from lots more many informashunal ads I could detailify here:

Here am sum other of my informashunal ads

This my ad bout how lowsy Gore's edjawkayshun policies am. I runnin it in Missouri now. This here one bout how the Army ain't ready for nuthun cuz they ain't gots no Comanander in Chef what they kin respec. It runnin in Ohio now.

This my ad bout how the Globull Warminin am all a big, fat lie. It gittin run in Illnoise. This ad bout how I gone bring back dignificashun to the White Haws. I bin runnin it all up an down Florida lately.

Here am that dumb Al Gore guy. (Bush Campaign File Photo).
Jeb said these ads am even more enlightenin than that one we done run agin McCain about what a big scardy cat traitor he was back over yonder in Nambodia. Not that I is havin anythin agin the Namobiese peoples now, thoh I would never ever be shakin Castro's hand. Or kissin him neither. Not me! I ain't no big fat Commanist tree huggin pansy-assed fruit, like some folks out of Tennesseeiania I could mention, if I was runnin some low smear type campaign, which I ain't not never gonna never do, cuz I is my Daddy's son. You kin see that.

So now Al Gore gots to be the big wussy cry baby feminazi we all knowed he is and make the Repubescent Party go an pull my bestest issue orientatied ad. Well, don't y'all be worrimated, Real Peoples. We all at Teem Bush has gots tons more informashunal type ads comin straight atcha real soon!

The Fine Folks At Fox and Halliburton Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guy.
Or Else.

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This my ad bout how lowsy Gore's edjawkayshun policies am. I runnin it in Missouri now.	This here one bout how the Army ain't ready for nuthun cuz they ain't gots no Comanander in Chef what they kin respec. It runnin in Ohio now.

This my ad bout how the Globull Warminin am all a big, fat lie. It gittin run in Illnoise.	This ad bout how I gone bring back dignificashun to the White Haws. I bin runnin it all up an down Florida lately.