THE POSSUM COUNTY DAILY FLAPDOODLE
Serving America - One Possum At A Time!

NO!! I WANT THE OLD JOKES!!! NOW!!!!

Just who's in charge here, anyway?

Dateline: September 21, 2000
GORE DESTROYS FREEDOM OF SPEECH
(Exxon Valdez/UPI)
That dumb Gore guy (Fox News File Photo).
Proving once again that he has absolutely no understanding of the basic, fundamental freedoms that have made America the greatest country on earth, today the Democratic Presidential Candidate "Vice" President "Al" Gore (D-Stalingrad) had the unmitigated gall to suggest that the nation's Petroleum Corporations reduce their record profits -- just so some little nobodies won't freeze to death!!

Gore peppered his latest call to class warfare with such inflammatory nonsense as promising "long term solutions" -- actually making hydrogen powered automobiles and solar energy and all that other pinko Trekkie inspired nonsense that sends a chill down the spine of every right thinking American available to EVERYBODY! As one, the important people of our beloved democracy have risen up to protest this latest Gore outrage, as demonstrated by the latest RNC/Fox News/Same Diff exhaustive poll of two highly unlikely voters.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE TRANSCRIPTS OF OUR EXHAUSTIVE POLL OF TWO HIGHLY UNLIKELY VOTERS
HIGHLY UNLIKELY VOTER #1: "All us Real People want to know is this what everybody besides me and my running mate fought a war for, to have our cherished freedom to plunder questioned by snoopy little nobody politicians? I'm pretty sure it's in the Constitution someplace that Corporate Oil Monopolies know what's best for you peasants! And I don't have a Jacuzzi, okay?? No Jacuzzis! Not a one!! Are you jackals done interrogating me???"

HIGHLY UNLIKELY VOTER #2: "OOOOOOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEEEEEE!!!! DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!!!!!!!! All us'n Real Peoples am so sick of that dumb Gore guy allus tryin to "fix" stuff an "solve problemashuns" an "make life bettur for reglur folks". He jist don git it! Before y'all get to moseyin, I wants to give one them there 'Shout Outs' to my way cool boss, His Dread Highness, the Dark Lord of Them There Nether Regions. HEY SATAN, WHAAAAZZZZUPPPP??? YOU DA MAN, BABE!!! SHOW ME THE MONEY!!! Did y'all ketch me on that lil biologicamacal deveev-yant 'Regis' show today? All the good ole boys down at Halliburton sez it was even way better than I was on that colored gal's show! Hey -- where y'all goin? I ain't finishiated yet. Git back here -- I gots way more Reel Plans I needs y'all to telliviziated bout me to the Reel Peoples! HEY, STOP!! STOP!!! OKAY FINE, A**HOLE, YOU'RE ON THE LIST!!"



The Fine Folks At Fox and Halliburton Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guy.
Or Else.




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