“St. ________ Christmas Pageant
Countdown to showtime 1 hour”
Director: Ok everybody, come on out. Time to start the dress rehearsal.
[Kids come out dressed in costumes.]
Director: What’s going on? I told you what parts you had last week. You were supposed to get pageant costumes.
Kids: We did
Director: [pulling out hair] Ok, Ok, where’s Mary and Joseph.
[Mary/Fish and Joseph step forward]
Director: [looking at Mary/Fish] Why are you dressed like that?
Mary: I have a goldfish named Mary.
Director: So that’s… [points to stuffed animal, Nemo, in Mary’s arms]
Mary: Baby Jesus
Director: [shaking head] Behold the blessed goldfish and the holy child Nemo.
Director: [shakes head and paces] Who are you? [pointing to spider]
Spider: A sheep
Director: A sheep? A SHEEP?!
Spider: yep
Director: With eight legs?
Director: [pacing] Where are the three wise men?
[two wise men and a witch step forward]
Director: What… Why?
Witch: Well a wise man is like a wizard right? And a witch is like a wizard.
Director: [crazed] Where’s the angel Gabriel?
Gabriel: [steps forward] I’m Mary’s Fairy Godmother Gabriel.
Director: Fairy Godmother?! I don’t remember that in the script.
Gabriel: [dancing around with her wand] Sure it is. She comes to Mary to grant her wish.
Director: Right, I’m sure you all have a logical reason why you are dressed the way you are
[movie star steps forward and swings her purse]
Director: who are you? [looking at movie star]
Star: I’m the Star. [Throw hands up dramatically]
Mary: No your not, I am.
Joseph: No I am.
Kids: No I am. No me.
[kids start chasing each other around the stage yelling]
Director: [Throws up his hands and sits down] I give up. There will be no pageant! [covers face with hands]
[kids quiet down]
Narrator: But we’re all here. We have to have a pageant.
Star: The show must go on!
Narrator: Yeah, its not just about costumes is it?
Director: [sits up] You know you’re right. Everybody sit down.
[all the kids sit in a semi-circle around the director]
Director: Why is it that we have a pageant?
Star: So we can act.
Director: What else?
Witch: Because its what we do in church at Christmas.
Director: Why?
Mary: To remind everyone about how Jesus was born.
Joseph: Because it’s Jesus’s birthday.
Sheep 1: Because Christmas isn’t just about Santa Claus and presents.
Narrator: Yeah, its about remembering that God came to earth to be one of us.
Director: That’s right. That’s right! [Stands up] OK everybody lets get ready