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08:42
I dreamed I was surfing Bora Bora with Dan Rather (don't ask...). It was absolute perfection! Tubes forever. Then, all of a sudden, my back is being ripped to shreds on the coral. I really hate it when Dori eats toast in bed.

09:06
I accidentally spilled her $100 bottle of shampoo in the damn shower. I was snickering about it to myself until I slipped in the shit and bashed my head on the soap rack. But hey! Now I remember where I left my spare car key back in '87.

09:39
Message from Spotnitz on the machine. He wants to know "why I've been telling people that Darin Morgan is writing the Finale"! Frank's such a fucking idiot. As if. I'm so glad I never did a lot of acid.

09:56
Some chick from E! just called, wanting to know "what Darin has in mind for the Finale". Jesus, it's Saturday for Christ's sake! How do these basket cases find me? I told her to ask Frank.

10:37
I thought we were having a home invasion, but it was just Spotnitz pounding on the front door. He seems really pissed. An E! crew turned up at his place and the camera guy got a good shot of him in his undies through the kitchen window. Ugh.

10:49
Finally convinced Frank that the Darin story is totally bogus. Probably just a rumor started by some fansite jerk. It's amazing the shit Frank will believe. Bowman once sold him a box of Robin Hood's arrows. Even Vince isn't that gullible.

11:08
Now Shiban's here too. He read about Darin on the OS or someplace and wants to know why he wasn't told. He got into a screaming match with Spotnitz about "respecting one's colleagues", and Frank spilled coffee all over Dori's antique rug, so she threw them both out. Yay for her. I saw Shiban kick the mailbox as he left.

11:24
Dori wants to go visit her friend Helga out in San Bernadino, so I have to drop her off on the way to the Lot. Christ, the things I do for the woman. When's she going to get her own car fixed? It's going to take forever to get there - she says I'm a road hazard, and makes me drive everywhere at, like, 5 mph.

13:32
Out of there, thank God! I had to stay for coffee, and listen to Helga's daughter tell me "where I went wrong with The X-Files". I got filthy looks when I suggested she go make her own fucking show. Some people just can't take constructive criticism.

13:51
Called in at the Wendy's on N. Vermont, since Helga is too fucking cheap to provide food. The drive-thru guy recognized my voice over the intercom thing! How the fuck can he do that? Don't XF fans do anything else besides obsess about this stupid show?

14:08
I had to sign three goddam aprons before they'd give me my food! If I wasn't so hungry, I'd have just driven away. The day manager, Natalia, refused to speak with me due to "the way I've allowed Scully's character to degrade". I'm sure she spat in my Frosty Dairy.

14:20
As I pulled into the Lot, Keifer Sutherland cut me off and I spilled fries all through the damn car. I was so hungry, I picked them up and ate them anyway. Hey, a man's gotta eat! Anyhow, I get the last laugh - 24 won't run 9 seasons.

14:24
Keifer came over to apologize. He said he was in a hurry to get a drink from the Commissary, so I gave him my Frosty Dairy. He seemed genuinely grateful and thanked me profusely. What a guy I am.

14:38
I could hear the screaming from outside. Frank, Vinnie and Shiban were hurling insults at each other, all because of this Darin Morgan rumor. Vince called John "the worst writer in FOX history", which I thought was really saying something. Artists are so high-strung. I say let 'em fight.

14:44
Unfortunately, they saw me sneaking into my office. God, what a bunch of fucking babies! "Chris, why wasn't I asked?", "Chris, I thought it was our decision together?", "Chris, I'm a total fucking mommy's boy, please wipe my ass for me!". And that was just Frank. Jesus!

15:02
The story is plastered all over the 'net, and of course if it's on the 'net, it must be true. I suggested they go call Darin, since they don't believe me, so they're using John's Mickey Mouse 'phone. Well, it is a pretty cool 'phone.

15:26
No-go with Darin. I could have told them that. Saturday is 'Sleep Off Friday Night Day' in the Morgan family. That's why they can't get hold of Glen, either. Oh, and Kim is here now, too. He says he loves directing episodes written by Darin. Fat chance, Manners. The Finale is mine.

16:21
I am sick to fucking death of people asking me about this Morgan rumor! Bowman just called and said that the new story is that Darin's writing the fucking movie! What next, he's the father of Scully's baby? I told Rob that Frank was telling the press that Bowman leaked the news.

17:09
Poor ol' Mickey is really getting a workout today. Vince called Jim Wong to ask him about it all. Unfortunately, Jim had just returned from the airport after a long flight from Japan and wasn't in the mood. I could hear him swearing from here. I thought Vince was going to cry again.

17:22
Snuck out with Kim while the others were arguing about who was going to do the ET interview. Good timing - we missed Rob by seconds. Just when I thought I was going to be able to go home and listen to my new Steely Dan CD, Dori calls. It's Carter Cab time again.

19:41
Boy, talk about riding in silence! Manners and I stop off for one teensy little drink before I pick her up and you'd swear I was Osama bin Laden. How was I to know that Helga had gone to visit her sister and left Dori waiting out front?

20:54
Dori's just discovered the empty shampoo bottle. How can such loud noises come from such a little person? Man, it was only shampoo, for fuck's sake! How about that one time she and Gillian drank my '49 Chateau Lafite which Craig bought back for me from Europe? Not that I'd ever be dumb enough to mention it again.

21:06
The cat's in the shower, and the mice are about to play in the streets. Kimmy called and wants me to meet him at Deep - he's buying, so what the hell. I leave a note for Dori saying that I've been called to an urgent production meeting. Like she'd care - tonight is John Leguizamo's Sexaholix night.

21:52
Man, Deep is still ultra popular. I had to show the bouncer my ID before he'd even let me in! How shitty is that? I mean, who the hell would pretend to be Chris Carter, anyway? As I went in, somebody threw Russell Crowe out. He was probably molesting those dancer chicks. Good riddance.

21:55
Wonderful. I find Kim sitting with Duchovny, Shandling and two broads. Mental note to mention it to Tea. However, the first thing they ask me is about this Darin story. How many times do I have to deny it? This is going to be a long night.

22:07
Garry wants to know "what Darin's movie outline is". What a putz. How does this guy keep getting his own shows? Dave says he's not going to sign if Charles Nelson Reilly's going to be in it. Yeah, right, Duchovny. After Evolution, you'd sign on if Regis and Kathy Lee were in it.

22:32
I stepped outside to answer my 'phone, but the caller hung up before I could get it. Just as I was about to head back inside, somebody called to me from a car parked on the corner of Boulevard and Vine, so I went over. Hey, come on, you would have too!

23:09
Darin drops me at my place. I can't wait to see what he's written. Damn, he's good. As he drives away, I realise I'm still not sure how much to leak to the message boards tonight...

Copyright Shturmovik[KGB]

2002

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