The Daily Fly
Est. 1765
Official Newspaper of
Fly Views
Greenpeace warns against the Generic Modiflycation of Foods!!!
Greenpeace issued the latest in a long line of press-releases warning against the "Generic Modiflycation of Foods" earlier this week.
Now, we're not sure what they mean by "Generic", but at the Society of Fly Eaters, we're all for Modiflycation. After all, isn't it through the Modiflycation of foods that we have arrived at the wide variety of Fly foods available to us today?
Apparently not: Greenpeace distinguishes between Generic Modiflycation, (which involves the shifting of Speciflied D.N.A. segments between different foods), and 'Traditional' Modiflycation (which does not involve the shifting of Speciflied D.N.A. Segments, but does involve the shifting of Unspeciflied Generic Material!)
Greenpeace also warns us that "Soon ... we will not be able to tell the difference between Bona-Flied foods and Modiflied foods." But has there ever been a difference between Bona-Flied and Modiflied, as Greenpeace insists? We think not. Humans have been Modiflying food ever since the first caveman munched on the first maggot.
Greenpeace even says that "the Modiflycation of Foods will have a potentially devastating effect on Bioflyversity". How can they possibly justifly this statement? Surely Modiflycation can only add to Flyversity, helping to diversifly the range of choices already available to us?
Why are Greenpeace making these bizarre statements?
Well, at the Society of Fly Eaters, we have uncovered dramatic evidence that Greenpeace are pushing their own FLEA-RIDDEN agenda!
A booklet distributed by the environmental association advises readers on 'how to FLEA yourselves from the influence of Generic Modiflycation'. It also asks readers: 'Is your food FLIED or FLEAD?', apparently endorsing the inferior 'flea' food type!
And the title of their booklet?
THE A - B - C OF FLEA-FOOD!
Enough of this. The Society of Fly Eaters has decided to strike back. We have released our own guide, the 'TRUE FLIED GUIDE', for all those customers who want access to top quality, Generically Modiflied or Speciflied, Bona-Flied or Diversiflied or otherwise-flied food - we offer, dare we say it, a guide to the complete Flyverse. To all those Fly Lovers fleeing - sorry, flying - from the clutches of Greenpeace and their FLEA-FOOD, we say - don't worry. Your worries are justiflied. You can conflyde in us. Look in the Third Column of our Fly News for the latest in Fly Restaurants and Fly Cooks. Just remember: Anything but FLEAS!
Associate-Associate Professor Hester Huggins of the Fly University, California
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