When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye. (heheheh, thank you to wuzznott)
After 5 or 6 children, this started to get expensive so the congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. As you can imagine, there was much yelling and bickering.
Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!" He said.
In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said, "Point of information - snow and rain are also acts of God but when we get too much of them, we wear rubbers."
The world's greatest truck driver was driving along a country lane late one night when his truck broke down. So he headed towards an old farmhouse and knocked on the door. "Hello," Kurt says, "I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck has broken down, I wonder could I have a bed for the night?"
"Well," says Norm, "there's only two rooms, meself and the wife in one, and my nineteen year old daughter in the other." "Look, I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and all I want is a bed for the night, your daughter will be safe." Kurt says. "All right," Norm replies and they all go to bed.
At four in the morning, the farmer heard the headboard in the next room banging against the wall. He got up and looked in, there was the truck driver driving it into his daughter, with his bare butt going up and down. So, Norm went down stairs and loaded the shotgun. He snuck into the room and pointed the gun at the trucker. "All right, then," he says, "if you're the greatest truck driver in the world, reverse out of there with a full load!!
A. They irritate the shit out of you.
A: How to wok your dog!
A. Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of shit.
A. Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
A: Crabs on your organ
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them.
"Ooh--can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:
