Why Structured Training is Beneficial
A submissive must learn to follow instructions carefully and
accept the control of another. We keep hearing about mysical training but the most important training is mental. To take advantage of this delicate state was viewed in the same light as child molesting or rape.
One of the things that aids submissives in learning to adjust to the idea of relinquishing some of her/his personal power is having a framework of expectations set up to follow. It's
like having an owner's manual. "If this happens I'm supposed to do this or that." This eliminates one of the most common reasons a submissive fails to please her/his
Master/Mistress: lack of knowledge about what they were expected to do in a given situation. I found it very comforting to know exactly what I was supposed to do and how to
communicate my discomfort when I encountered something that I wasn't prepared to handle.
A submissive must learn to change their way of thinking and alter their own reactions to
what someone else has determined they should be. It's a gradual process and one that takes constant reinforcement. How far this reinforcement goes and to what degree the
training reaches should always be worked out in the contract between trainer and charge. Following a set of guidelines, such as etiquette rules, provides the reinforcement needed in
building these desired responses and new thinking patterns.
Another reason that formalities are so desirable to many of us is the grace and beautify
that evolves in this kind of training. The submissive becomes aware of the importance of every movement and gesture not only in themselves, but also in those of the one training
them. This will become very important when the submissive forms a bond with the One who will become Master or Mistress. The Oriental style is also one of poise and elegance
that gives a deep sense of peace to those who embrace its subtleties.
A Few Basics
Now that I've explained "why" formal etiquette is important from my viewpoint, I'd like to
begin with some of the basics
1. SPEAKING. When and how does a submissive speak during formal training and in formal situations?
In training, a submissive is not permitted to speak unless given permission to do so by their trainer. There is NO chatter, giggling, questioning or small talk. Speaking is a
privilege and you'll learn that very quickly. If asked a question, you will make a clear reply and keep a soft tone in the voice at all times. The tone of voice is very important and is always stressed.
If the charge is asked a question and the answer is "yes," then it should be expressed as "Yes, Sir or Ma'am." If the answer is "no," then an explanation must be given. "No, Sir
or Ma'am" is not acceptable when asked to do something. An explanation of why you are not able to do as requested is expected. An example would be "No, Sir. I cannot do that
because <insert reason>, Sir."
When asking permission for something the sentence must begin with "Sir" or "Ma'am"
and end with it as well. Example would be "Sir, may I be excused to attend personal needs, Sir?"
Any failure to express this properly usually ends in the request being ignored and the
same request cannot be repeated. You'll only make that mistake once when asking to go to the bathroom.
Only when the trainer "wants" you to speak should you verbalize. If you feel you need to
express a concern, explanation, or ask questions then you must ask permission to speak freely. "Sir, I have a question, Sir. May I speak freely, Sir?" A gesture or facial
expression should have been given to you in order to open this path of communication. In my training it was a puzzled look and a slight tilt of my head. This made my trainer aware
that I needed to communicate something or was unsure of what to do next. A good trainer/dominant will provide and recognize such signals from their charge and give
permission for them to speak. They will also provide a time for open discussion where the submissive is given an opportunity to express freely any concerns they might have. For
me, this period came at the end of the day when we would discuss any problems or successes.
2. EYE CONTACT AND BODY LANGUAGE. What, when and where things are proper.
A charge does not make eye contact with any dominant other than the one in charge of them. Eyes are kept downward or directed away from any other dominant they've
encountered. When entering the presence of your trainer the eyes are kept downward
until you are spoken to. When kneeling to greet the trainer the head and eyes are kept lowered until recognition is given.
Eye contact is reserved for questioning, showing discomfort, pleading, expressing a need for assistance or reassurance. It is also acceptable when the submissive needs to express
their pleasure for a gesture given from the trainer.
A submissive is not permitted to draw attention to themselves by excessive body
movements such as tossing the head or hair, shifting positions while kneeling, moving hands or feet or, in general, doing anything that is distracting. Any movements are
expected to be graceful and based on modesty and control. Anything that brings unwanted attention to the submissive is frowned upon. Pulling back the shoulders to draw attention
to the breasts is one of these things. One thing I see online that just cracks me up is curtseying. This would not be permitted in a formal setting. In fact, I've never seen it done other than online.
What is expected and why.