Real Headlines

( English is a marvelously flexible language, much to the chagrin of headline writers everywhere.)

Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Deer Kill 17,000

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

'84 War Dims Hope for Peace

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Stud Tires Out

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

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