THE FIGBIT was a breeding experiment that went horribly, horribly right. When it was first created as the ultimate biological weapon, it killed all of the snakes in Oregon, which reminds me, snakes should be in a special section of this site.... Anyways, after the snake population in Oregon went extinct, the Figbit became too lazy to figure out how to hunt for any other animal... So much for a perfect weapon. Anyways, we (the brothers in Elvis) decided to go hunting one time and blew the brains out of most of them. It was fun, and the Figbit tastes really really good with a nice marinade.

THE ELEPHONKEY is now endangered because, well, we hate it. It is a very self-conscious animal. When we laugh at it's stupid looks and how fat it is, it gets so depressed that it kills itself. So much for survival of the fittest.... But, seriously... This poor creature is misunderstood. It is not, by any means, an attractive animal, and in my opinion, it should be fed nuclear waste with all the poor people, then shot multiple times. GO KILL YOURSELVES FASTER, ELEPHONKEY'S!!!!!!!!

THE HOTBOXEPHANT is a Canadian animal, so we hate it for being different from us. It was bread (yes, bread, like the stuff you exchange with the toaster for toast) by Canadian scientists. Don't ask me how they did it, it's not that I don't know, I just don't like you. Anyways, the hole purpose of the project was to get rid of the "w" in "whole", so now it's spelled hole. Obviously, they succeeded, because I, a person you hardly know, spelled hole without the "w". We must try to eliminate the Canadian threat in our country. To do this, you must send exactly 30 gajillion and .2589741234694325498748952 dollars to me. The end.