Welcome To The Entrance To
TenderSoul's Adoption Place
| I am part of the adoption circle as they call it. I placed a son for adoption 16 years ago. As time goes on so does the way adoption is handled. I didn't know much about Open Adoption when I placed. I was able to pick the parents, but never met them face to face. I was never told during the pregnancy that meeting the couple was an option until I was in the hospital and was asked by the Social worker if I wanted the parents to come. I said "No", I wanted this time alone with my son. The couple was great for the first couple of years by sending pictures and letters to update me on how the baby was doing. Then one day everything stopped with
not even a letter to explain why they decided to stop all contact (we went through the agency to exchange things). Now the net is a good place for me to talk to others who have had the same thing done to them. In the process of it all, I have heard all kinds of stories from others, some are wonderful and then there are some that would just break your heart. The net was not there for me to turn to in "87". I am not for or against adoption. I think it has to be that persons choose, with that though one really needs to educate themselves on adoption, from all parties. Birthmothers are told that their child would have a better life, I think that is putting adopters way to high on a petal stool. They are
people just like anyone else, some can be abusers, some marriages will fell, sometimes the child just may not have a better life. To those that raise a child as their own and really does give that child a wonderful life, they are a blessing. I have sat and watched a message board at adoption.com get very ugly. The birthparents want to tell their story regardless of how good or bad it may be, and if its bad they try and hush you. No one wants the young girls there that are looking for answers, to hear that adoption can have a negative side also. Its such a shame cause, it is a battle that no one can really win. We are all in it together for our own reasons and even though some may bring joy to others, some are walking around with such a wounded
heart, that can never be fixed. I don't expect anyone to understand me except for other birthmothers that have given up a child. Just as I will never know how an adopter feels not being able to have a child of their own. Its been 16 years now and I'm still asking myself "what were you thinking" no one told me about the pain you live with.
People try to help the young girls that are pregnant make a choice. I feel we have to speak out before the pregnancy even happens. You have to make a choice, but why? Girls know that if you have unprotected sex you may get pregnant. Why, for just a few minutes of pleasure, should anyone have to make a choice that could effect the rest of your life. I tell people I'm just as guilty, so I push before that girl gets pregnant. I have ran across many that say, well everyone has sex, I say duh!!! Then don't act so shocked when you hear your pregnant and you didn't use anything. Your the one who gave in to the pleasure. The scars some carry with them through years are so damaging that they can never heal. There are a few different factures that can't be helped, that's rape, she didn't ask for it. The other one is medication messing with your birth control (and you weren't informed that it could mess up your birth control). Doctors need to make sure they tell of that one. If your married and get pregnant I say its a blessing from God. I've heard of married couples placing a child also. I could go on and on but I won't. Just be sure to do your research and know if you really want your baby then you can do it. If you have any doubt then don't do it, I should of listened to my own gut feeling and never let go of my son. Now I count the years for the search to begin. Click on the ENTER to go to the adoption site where you can read more about my story and find useful links and poetry. Thanks!
Please email me with any questions or comments!
Last Updated: September 4, 2003 This site was created and is maintained by TenderSoul ©2000, S. Foster
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