Can he out-tough a Republican?

Bill vs. Bush!

 

"Tough!... on!... crime!...George?!!! This is T!J! HOOKER! yer talking to!"

George W. Bush vs. William Shatner

Macho military credentials:

Former Navy Reserve Pilot during Vietnam. No combat cxperience. What is this, the return of Dan Quayle?

vs. Former Starship Captain in a variety of centuries. Lots of hand-to-hand, ship-to-ship, and tentacle-to-phaser combat. Enough said, really.

"Compassionate Conservatism":

Highest rate of execution ever in Texas under his governorship; impervious to appeals from both the Pope and Billy Graham, vs. "Set Phasers on Stun" and then lock up their butts indefinitely on a very distant planet! Now that's compassionate conservatism!

Plans For Fiscal Responsibility:

"A Tax cut, so help me God." Apparently if God doesn't feel like helping George on this one, we're all out of luck. Who wants to bet that his tax cuts will mainly benefit very, very large corporations (and other Bush campaign donors)? Plus we poor schmucks will still have to fill out long, mind-numbing amounts of paperwork every spring. Yuck!

vs.

Abolish the IRS! Abolish tax forms! Abolish dashing to the post office to mail away your hard-earned money! Let us come to you instead. Our thrifty plan will use surplus members of the Royal Family (Princess Margaret, Sarah Ferguson, the corgis...lord knows we can find plenty) to go door-to-door and collect taxes personally! We might as well be direct about stealing from the poor and giving to the rich. The Shatner government will cut out the middleman and save save save!

Ability to personally fight crime and criminals if necessary

Doubtful. Seems kinda wimpy like his Dad. vs. Assured! Run, Hooker, run!

 Ability to articulate a decent, consistent and honest platform:

Morals of a Belgian waffle. Says one thing one day, something else the next. Claims to have a clear vision but isn't going to tell anyone what it is. vs. Honestly corrupt! Openly admits the Shatner platform is up for sale! Oil Magnates Welcome to Bid for Our Souls!

Ability to recognize crazed military dictators at a moment's notice:

"Wait, wait, is this 50 questions?... The new Pakistani general, he's just been elected - not elected, this guy took over office. It appears this guy is going to bring stability to the country and I think that's good news for the sub-continent.. General. I can't name the general. General."

vs.

" Khan, you dirty bloodsucker!!"

Unbiased conclusion: Is there any doubt? "W" must be short for wuss. Clearly the tough voter must choose one man to stand between him/herself and the Liberal Forces of Utter Destruction (tm--Jesse Helms) : William Shatner!

 

(Hey, but Bill is progressive- friendly too! Click here for a comparison to Al "Bambi" Gore!)

 

 

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