Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, and is sent to fifty-ish subscribers with great hair, fresh breath, and winning personalities. The views expressed in this newsletter belong solely to the editor and the writers, who are all completely insane. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, email Div at Twokool2bu@aol.com because she, along with Jacquie and myself, lost the lottery. Twice.
Rest assured that my high school graduation alone does not give sufficient reason for this marvel of modern literature to go to a "better place." I've just been nonstop for two weeks, so the poor baby has been peacefully resting and practicing yoga within the walls of its floppy disk.
In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) Barely Blooming 18
Topic 2) Feedback on Social Deviance
Topic 3) Am I Ready for the Future?
Topic 4) Song Lyric of the Week
Topic 5) Webpage of the Week
Topic 6) Quote of the Week
Cat's Official Week:
Play In the Sprinkler Week. Screw the outdoor water restriction and get your feet wet without breaking the bank at the county pools.
Topic 1) Barely Blooming 18:
By Me
Oh, the joys of turning another year older. Ok, so this one happened to be the cultural milestone of the big 1-8, yet I still received cards of "Celebrate, You're 8!" and other gifts of the sort (ahem, Glow-in-the-Dark Pickup Snakes, thank you, Miss Valedictorian!).
Even though I can now buy smokes, porn, and, most importantly, lotto tickets, I realize that I still haven't lost my childlike sense of wonder at 'nifty' things, as well as not misplacing my uncanny ability to act my shoe size (but, oh, it's not acting!). I'm very glad that I have found friends that can tolerate this trait and even support it (in a sense) with offerings of 60-piece puzzles inspired by G-rated movie characters.
Then there's my family which supports this part of me also. Who else would don 3-dimensional Scooby-Doo birthday hats and blow Powerpuff Girls party horns after they silly-stringed me? Of course, I should have seen that coming after we enjoyed a leisurely fast-paced feast at Joe's Crab Shack, a place with great 80's music but exclusively for the not-so-weak-of-heart. Only a place with a tie-dye laden, dancing wait staff that serves meals out of metal garbage pails would call for the birthday girl to wear a bright orange life preserver and ride around the restaurant on a giant inflatable Shamu while they sing the heavily copy-written "Happy Birthday" in twelve different keys. I've decided to get a job there next summer, no doubt about it.
So here I am, a barely blooming 18 (to steal a phrase from the washed-up pop band Ace of Base), with the world within my reach, the sky as the limit, the ability to paint my dreams, and twenty-seven other cheesy affirmations from the readily available pile of graduation cards in the corner of my room.
Now if only I could get this damn silly string out of my hair . . .
Topic 2) Feedback on Social Deviance:
By Valerie Craft
Topic 3) Am I Ready For the Future?:
"Go to a place that you used to work at, show up in the uniform, and try to pass off as an employee."
This might not be such a good idea unless you want to risk being arrested.
A guy, Jason, at my work (AMC) was fired for being late for work while watching a free movie. Some weeks later he came back while the head manager was on vacation, and he said he'd been rehired. As the head manager had been talking about rehiring him, everyone accepted it.
In reality, Jason knew (through two other friends who worked there) that the head manager was on vacation and used this information as a way to go behind her back and got his job back. But, when the manager was asked about him she said that she had *not* rehired him and then had him fired (if you can fire someone who doesn't actually have a job). They then found out that about $100 dollars were missing from his drawer. They called his guardian and found out that he had been kicked out a few months ago, and that everything he had ever told anyone at AMC was a lie (including the stuff he told his girlfriend who works there). They also found out that there was a warrant for his arrest due to him breaking his parole.
A few weeks later the idiot actually tried the stunt again, only to be arrested by out security and trespassed off the property for the rest of his life.
So maybe, unless you don't mind being arrested, this isn't such a good idea.
By Mark Rinehart
Something new is about to happen, am I ready? GRADUATION!
Can I accept what comes with arms wide open? GRADUATION!
Is this world ready for Mr. Floyd Mark Rinehart? UUMMM.....
What is next? COLLEGE!
And afterwards? LIFE!
What happens in life? MARRIAGE, WORK, AND MORE!
Okay.......
Who will marry me? SOMEBODY?S GOT TO DO IT!
Where will I work? I HEAR SUBWAY IS HIRING!
What more could happen? LORD ONLY KNOWS!
Am I ready for the future? AS READY AS YOU'LL EVER BE!
Then let's get going! EVERYBODY OUT THERE, LOOK OUT!
Topic 4) Cat's Song Lyric of the Week:
We don't need no education; we don't need no thought control. No dark sarcasm in the classroom; Teacher, leave them kids alone. Hey, Teacher, leave them kids alone. All in all it's just another brick in the wall; all in all, you're just another brick in the wall.
"Another Brick In The Wall, Part II" by Pink Floyd
Topic 5) Webpage of the Week:
Val's Pics of Our Graduation!
http://www.snapfish.com/share/p=51241022268476334/l=8259830/cobrandOid=1000001Type in your name and email address, choose a password, then look at her album.
Topic 6) Quote of the Week:
"If God really trusted man, he would have given him the womb." - Nobel Laureate Betty Williams (submitted by Kim)
Closing:
Hope you all have had and will have good weeks. I think it's my bedtime now. 'Night.
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