Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, or at least I hope it does in the near future. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, email Valerie at val_2002@bellsouth.net because she makes more money than me.My locker's back on the Hall of Immigrants again. As long as I meet another German, I'll be happy. Who needs to be surrounded by the cheerleader/potheads anyway?
In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) Rainbows
Topic 2) Welcome Back!
Topic 3) Song of the Week
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week
Topic 5) Quote of the Week
Cat's Official Week:
This is Lie About Your Summer Week. So what happened to that piercing you said you got at the beach, by the way?
Topic 1) Rainbows -
By Me (Cat)
Ok, as much as some people like to equate the two, rainbows do not always equal homosexuality. I have nothing against that lifestyle, though. I just like rainbows. As a kid, I even had this cute little door-hanger that said, "I love teddy bears, rainbows, and hearts". I think this affected me more than Mom ever thought. Maybe I'm just over-decisive. (If I were indecisive, I wouldn't have any favorite color. Instead I like them all, which shouldn't be held against me.)
Everyone knows by now that rainbows are a staple of my wardrobe. I've had rainbow shoelaces since freshman year, and I made those rainbow pants, and I got a rainbow steering wheel cover for my birthday earlier this summer. And I'm not a lesbian! (Not like there's anything wrong with that, though.) Rainbows are fun to look at, very spiritual, and little miracles that everyone needs to experience at least once. I don't know how the homosexual lifestyle and rainbows got linked together, just like I don't know why Crime and Punishment is considered a classic.
To me, rainbows are cool. Rainbows are me. Rainbows are CAT. And I don't care what anyone thinks of me.Topic 2) Welcome Back!: - by Mattew
There are some students out there who, for the past three months, have thought of nothing but the day they could return to school. I pity these poor, terminally stupid people, who will one day become brown-nosing middle management for some fast food franchise. These compulsively sniveling dweebs wake up two and a half hours before their alarm is set to ring the night before the first day of school, merely by force of will, set out all their clothes for the next day (probably something atrocious with plaid and suspenders), making sure every supply is packed just ever so neatly into its niche, including every conceivable stationary from vellum parchment to Hello Kitty post-it notes, and not forgetting to wax and buff his wingtips. The student will then tuck himself neatly into bed beneath his Thomas the Tank Engine quilt and eagerly count the minutes via the clock across the room, flying into a frenzy when the thought of some misplaced piece of insignificant minutia creeps into his head. The social leper will then check and double check every negligible facet of readiness to know beyond the pale of doubt that all is prepared for his first day back.
Finally the moment arrives...he dons his wire rimmed glasses, slicks back his wiry black hair, a clean part cutting a swath across his scalp, and partaking of his high energy grape-nuts cereal before kissing his mummy-kins good-bye (who is busy taking his picture) and heading out the door.
He is teased mercilessly for his anal retentiveness and comes home after half the day because his teacher addressed him as "you insufferable know-it-all". He has a mental breakdown, forcing his family to move west to a dryer climate because the moisture aggravates his breathing.
And that is my explanation of California... A bunch of fake blondes overcompensating for their exacting natures by acting like totally dense bufoons. So, before you follow some new west coast trend, realize where its all really coming from.Topic 3) Cat's Song of the Week:
"Drive" by Incubus because the car is now officially MINE.Topic 4) Webpage of the Week:
My lyrical liaison, www.letssingit.comTopic 5) Quote of the Week:
I was gonna use "I got sunshine in a bag" (which I thought was a cool concept) until I found out it was an allusion to drugs. Being the straightedger that I'm proud to say I am, I will use this one instead: "Who needs drugs when you're spinning in circles?" -MeClosing:
Have a good week everyone. I guess I'll be seeing most of you at school, begging for your summer back.Previous Edition | Next Edition [ Get Involved | Home | Songs | Archives | Quotes | Websites ]
[ Daily Cartoon | Guestbook | Subscribe | Unscubscribe ]