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I Am..
Deaths Gate
I want to NOT -Cheryl
But why is the rum gone? -Captain Jack Sparrow
When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juices inot a squirt gun and shoot someone in the eyes. Its more fun than making lemonade -Ian Anderson, psuedo twin of Lauren Rogers
Don't by a guy, the world if full of guys. Be a man!
It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich -Alan Alda
USA today has come out with a new survey. Apparently, three out of four people make up 75% of the worlds population -David Letterman
If It weren't for electricity we'd all be watching tv by candlelight -George Gobol
If your parents never had children, chances are you wont either -Dick Cavett
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - Everyone hasn't met me yet -Rodney Dangerfield
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she wa 60. She's 97 today and we don' know where the hell she is -Ellen DeGeners
Have you noticed? Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac -George Carlin
We had gay burglars last night. They broke in and rerranged the furniture -Robin Williams
Maybe there is no actual Hell. Maybe Hell is having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches -Jim Carry
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it -W. Somerset Maugham
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt -Joseph Heller
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic -Joseph Stalin
In this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes -Benjamin Franklin
After I'm dead I'd rather have people asking why I have no monument rather than why I have one -Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C)
For NASA, space is still a high priority
Insanity is hereditay. You get it from your children -Sam Levinson
Children really brighten up the household. They never turn off the lights -Ralph Bus
There is nothing more satisfying than seeing your children have teenages of their own -Doug Larson
The trouble iwth children is that they're not returnable -Quentin Crisp
Watching your daughter being collected by her date is like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla -Jim Bishop
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he'd learnt in seven years -Mark Twain
I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me -Rodney Dangerfield
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced around on television -Erma Bombeck
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'Shutup' -Joe Namath
Men should be like Kleenex. Soft, strong and disposable -Cher
I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon -Henry Youngman
Part of the ten million I spent on gambling, part on booze and part on women. The rest I spent foolishly -George Raft
It's morally wrong to let a sucker keep his money -WC Fields
I rob banks because that's where the money is -Willie Sutton
Money can't by you happiness but it can bring you a more plesant form of misery -Spike Milligan