A Cranky Holiday Special!
A Three-Part Introduction


11/13/2002 - First off, this is one of those cases where the Disclaimer comes in very handy. Also, questions, comments, and inquiries as to my sanity are welcome in the forums.
This is going to have to be a three-part introduction, folks. You should read all three parts even if the headings don't apply to you, cause I've got a lot of ground to cover here and I tend to be disorganized. Hoo boy!

Introduction for People Who Have Already Read This Story
Happy holidays to all! Welcome to the super-dee-duper extra special edition of the Christmas Episode of "the Insane Crossover Fanfic" (or, more correctly, "Crankyheart Episode IV: Away in a Hot Rod"). I may eventually get the whole epic up here, but I figure I ought to test one part of it to see how it turns out.
More to the point, I really had no idea what I wanted to do at this site for Christmas.
This version of Episode IV has a few altered scenes (oooh!), enhanced visual effects (aaaah!!), and, most important of all, the Footnotes! You know how I'd often go off on random tangents during the story? The Footnotes take that concept and run with it. Any time you are reading the story, and you happen upon a number housed inside cool, curly Algebra Class brackets, like this {-11}, that's a cue to read the corresponding footnote.
If this isn't the lamest thing anyone has ever done with a Crankyland Metafanfiction, then I'm very disappointed with myself.

Introduction for People Who Have Not Already Read This and Have No Idea What They're Getting Into
Well, Happy Holidays to you as well. Be forewarned that this story is very, very insane. I'd rate it as an "R" (let it never be said that I am not a responsible monster). There's some sex, there's some drugs, there's some rock-n-roll. There's a LOT of violence. There's a lot of swearing (well, it's all sort of visually bleeped out, but I figure I should warn you anyway). Then, there's more violence. And more swearing. And more violence.
Basically, this ain't for the kiddies. You kids that are reading this, stop reading right now! Get out!!! Out of here all of you! Join me or die! Can you see that I am serious?
Erm, sorry. Obscure "Simpsons" reference.
You should also be forewarned that what you are about to read is a portion of a long, long story that I wrote around this time last year. If you like it, and it works out to my satisfaction, I'll go ahead and post other parts until the whole shebang is here. I thought I ought to try this one out first because it's the only semi-self-contained part (you don't really have to know what has happened up until now, but I'm not saying it wouldn't help; the link to the whole story is at the bottom of the page), and it's also my favorite part.
I think I ought to tackle something before you delve into this, though. What you're about to read is a Crankyland Fanfic. A more accurate term would be Crankyland Metafanfiction. See, when a Crankizen (if you have to ask what that is, you would probably be more comfortable in the category after this one) becomes bored and depressed for a time, he (we're an unapologetically male-dominated subculture) will oftentimes channel his frustration and disillusion in a way that we can all agree is very healthy and sane.
He will go and write a big, big, long, long epic-length imaginary story starring the Mr. Cranky board personas of himself and his fellow posters, many of whom end up Dying Violently in said story
Answer to the inevitable question: No. This has only resulted in an icky, awkward sexual fantasy and/or Slash extravaganza maybe -oh- twice. That I've seen, anyway.
I'm fairly sure I've scared most of you off by now, so the rest of you can start in on the Fun Holiday Jamboree. Or, you may peruse the links at the bottom of this page to further explore the wonder and magic of Cranky Metafic. If it helps, I don't really understand the phenomenon myself, and I wrote one of the dang things.

Introduction for People Who Have Not Already Read This, Have No Idea What They're Getting Into, and, furthermore, Suffered Kind of a Psychic Blur Anytime a Phrase Like "Cranky Metafanfic" Appeared.
Oh dear.
It's probably in your best interest if you just ignore this and don't read it. It'd probably scar you for life. I'm about to read it again for the first time since I wrote it and *I* am afraid it might make me insane!
If you're going to ignore me here, and you DO read it... oh boy... Just sort of smile and nod through the whole thing. I know you can do that! You did such a good job of it during that "Digimon" article a while back, I know you can do it again!


The Story!!!
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
the Footnotes!
Related Links
The Magic and Wonder of Crankyland Fanfiction!

There's no definitive list of Metafics as far as I know, but here's a list of some of the better or more famous ones to get started. This isn't meant to be a comprehensive list either, and no offence was intended in leaving anything out.
Cranky Wars Part One and Cranky Wars Part Two: Aron wrote this with the intent of mentioning every Crankizen who ever was in this story. Keep that in mind when you read it.
the Wizard of OZ(unofficial title): Generally considered to be the best fanfic of all. Ignore the fact that it's all Crankylanders in the cast and you've got yourself a damn good fantasy here.
the Cranktrix: There's a memorable scene in this story that, as you'll see in my story, I haven't quite let poor ol' Jabby here the end of. Other than that, it's really good.
the Bernstein Round-Robins: They kick off here with "the Mayan Idol". I don't recognize most of the characters mentioned in it, but they're still good.
Crankyheart Part One and Crankyheart Part Two: For those of you who want to do yourselves some permanent damage and read the whole freakin' thing. I apologize in advance.

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Legal Stuff: "Crankyheart" (aka "the Insane Crossover Fanfic", "the Mad-Ness Monster and the Complete Waste of Time", ect.) is © 2001 and 2002 Mad-Ness Monster (aka Mad-Ness, Trish, ect.). All Crankizen characters mentioned in it are © to their respective creators and are used with permission. All other entities mentioned in the story are © to their respective owners, and no endorsement (or it's opposite for that matter) is intended.
Mr. Cranky Rates the Movies is © to it's respective owners (they seem to change every month or so) and, while this is a humble little fanfiction, no endorsement is intended.
This story is meant as a satire for entertainment purposes only and no offense to any entities or groups mocked in it (yes, even X-Man) is meant seriously by the author.