Polytecnyc Draig
Welcome
to
the
Dragon
Learning Centre
Welsh Flag
Cymraeg
Are you illiterate? Do you have someone else reading this webpage to you right now? If so, you qualify for the services of our Learning Centre.
At Dragon Polytechnic illiteracy is no longer a barrier to higher education. Someone may need to read your books and take notes at your lectures, but that someone need not be you. We have qualified staff who will read your books to you, take notes for you, and even transfer all written information into audio cassette form at no charge to you! ( that is, no charge if you're getting a free ride from your parents or the government, hey someone has to pay for it!)
Now that you can obtain the information you ask, how do you use it (note to reader: this was a difficult sentence, you may have to repeat it a few times and explain it to the illiterate candidate. The same applies to the rest of this webpage)? Well, when you have an essay, merely record it onto a dictophone and one of our secretaries will type it up for you and double space it.
Or you can use one of the town's or web's commercial services that write essays and type things up. And hey, if your parents are rich enough to get your illiteracy classified as a learning disability, the government will pay for it all!
Now comes the real tough one, exams. At other institutions, you can get away with someone doing the work for you, but when it comes to sitting the exam, it's impossible to turn a blind eye. Well fret no more! During our exams, students with learning disabilities such as illiteracy get to sit in a special room and stay for an hour longer.
Oh great, you may think, another hour to stare at a meaningless array of symbols ( note to reader: We do not expect you to understand this sentence yourself. Tell the candidate it's deep and intellectual.)! Don't despair! Under our new "A's for Illiterates" program starting in 2002, you can go in a special room where you can play ball while someone else does the exam for you! (This program does not apply to genuine learning disabilities, only to those too lazy to learn to read.)
Still not convinced? Well, you're too stupid to make your own mind up anyway! Just do as we say: enrol in our college and our learning centre and let us worry about what's best for you.
Information for:
- Desperate Employers
- Worried Parents
- Irate Farmers
- Homeless Alumni
- Underpaid Staff
- Rich Professors
- Illiterate Students
Information about: