Here are some past tales from Wayfaring Days - If you have something please email it in

The Highest Crap in Europe, Abseiling a minibus,Anti Caravan Missile

Note: Elidyr Fawr is the First of the Glyders on the 14 peaks - done immediately after Snowdon and breakfast and 3000ft of constant 60degree slog (the most boring ascent of a Munroe in Wales and England). 

The first Alps trip I ever went on was to Chamonix - only one person on the trip had any alpine experience (previous two weeks) so we were sussing it out as we went along.  One of the first things we did was to "just go up to a hut for the night".  This was to be a walk up the ridge from the campsite to Balmats Bivouac then across the "Junction"  (Bossons Galciers) to the Grand Molet Hut The "junction" was supposed to be grade 1 (low easy) but in fact was solid crevasses one after the other and took us forever to get through until we were caught with late after noon Thunder/Hail storms we were "in them" not underneath them and the hail stones half an inch across made us put climbing helmets on to stop the pain of their impact.   The normal route was eventually reached and the hut attained.  The hut is perched on a "sharksfin" of rock between the Bosons glacier falling off Mont Blanc and its sister mount Maudit.  You scramble up easily on iron pegs from the Bossons Glacier to the hut the position of the hut obscuring the other glacier.  It is only when it is time to visit the loo that you realize the situation.  They are outside and you exit turn left all the way around the hut until you see two little wooden sheds that would grace any turn of the century country garden.  It is only when you enter and peer down the obligatory French hole in ground that you realize the concrete platform you are standing on is jutting 6 feet out over a 1000 ft + drop!  It fair makes your head spin! Turning around to use the rail on the back of the door not only to secure the door (no locks) but to enable you to lean back with your bum over the hole takes some doing!  I suppose only a scientist once settled into this would begin to wonder whether you could calculate the drop by timing your droppings on their way down to the glacier.   That is assuming you can look at your watch with out letting go of the door rail.  Do your dropping accelerate all the way down according to the force of gravity or do they reach a terminal velocity?  What is the terminal velocity of the average human dropping?  If you have you bum hanging over a 1000 ft vertical drop are your droppings likely to be average?  On the way down from the hut there were again many crevasses to cross - after the previous day we were more confident and relaxed about them, roped up in two groups of three.  In the middle of each rope were the more nervous members.  Phil was one of these and at one particular crevasse got very nervous and shouted for a "tight rope" just before he jumped.  The people at either end both reacted and pulled which resulted in Phil only making it exactly into the center of the crevasse with a tight rope on both sides of him.  He then dropped vertically only to jam immediately his large rucksack met the snow totally shocked with his legs dangling below in free space.  He was pulled unceremoniously out onto the snow to recover.   We of course had to do Mont Blanc - we did this by the Goutier Ridge and hut - very crowded and very uncomfortable - you were glad it got to 2:00am and time to start the ascent.  The ascent was featureless snow slope, hours of shuffling along gasping in the altitude until eventually the snow slope rounded off and descended ahead of you.  There was nothing to mark it we just stared at each other through tired eyes.  We descended again past the Grand Molet this time with out any crevasse incidents and descended into Chamonix via the cable car.  We had got into a habit of going to the super market buying a large bottle of Orangena and drinking it to rehydrate by the cool and shade of the ice cold fountain out side.  After the lack of sleep and exertions of two days someone decided we should have a toast to celebrate.  "To Elidyr Fawr" someone shouted - we thought about it - before Mont Blanc Elidyr Fawr had been the worst ascent you could do - even the view of slate quarries from the top did not now seem that bad.  We viewed this obscure Glyder in Wales with new affection and toasted its fine bilberry covered slopes.                  

This was a trip to Buttermere which is quite a pain to get to having to go right over the top of the lake district and then having to tackle one of three passes.  The main pass and quickest is Honister, there is the Winlatter which is the longest way around  and finally there is a minor pass which runs up through Stair the Newlands pass.  The night was cold and we knew there was old snow about on the hills down to 1000ft.  The Honister pass is about 1000 ft and has several very steep sections the first just out of Seatoller so we decided that was not a safe bet.  Winlatter just seemed too far around and not much different from the Newlands Pass in height and remembered difficulty.  So we went for it.  Everything was just as we expected the roads were clear of snow and ice and there were not any real gradients.  OOPs wrong!! The very last 25 yards of pass to the summit is steep - and covered in ICE.  The last 400 yards was covered in a thin layer of fine new snow.  Inevitably the minibus ground to a sliding sideways halt 10 yards from the summit. We all got out and tried to push - got nowhere - infact the minibus was sliding sideways so much we though it might go over the edge.  Every time Tony tried to back up the bus no matter how slowly the application of the brakes, the resut would have all wheels locked and again sliding  sideways off the road.  It was decided that the only way to get the bus down onto un iced road was to lower it down on a rope!  About four of us had crampons and the rest found their walking boots creating chaos in the luggage stowage.  Ropes were found and attached to the front of the bus.  Wayfarers were placed along the rope on the grassy sides of the road were there was more grip.  The brakes on the bus were released slowly.  The bus was definitely the thing in control dragging 10 hapless people along half of them on their backsides or face down in the snow.  More by luck than judgment the bus backed into an earth bank on one side.  We then discovered again more by luck when trying to extract it that spinning the wheels in reverse forcing the bus into the bank made the front wheels "slideable".  We basically spun the front wheels and dragged and pushed the front of the bus sideways until it was pointing back down the road.  The rope was then attached to the back of the bus and the new (unavoidable) technique of dragging wayfarers along the ground to provide friction was used to get the bus down the remainder of the way.   We all got back in the bus and not to be beaten tried the Winlatter pass.  This worked and we got through to the youth hostel very late indeed.             

Warning the following information is classified Wayfarer/Umbrella need to know only - passing this information on to any member of the Caravan Club will result in several large men appearing on your door step with crampons and ice axes to show you the error of your ways.

During the 1980's some of the brightest brains in Birmingham were forced to spend long hours together on the M6 motorway traveling to better things in the Lake District.  During this time the long term threat of the caravan was realized and these brilliant minds came up with a specification of a ruthless weapon to rid the by ways of this menace.  The main problem is that just blowing up a caravan in front of you though mentally satisfying just leaves you with a mess on the road which still has to be overtaken.  There is also the problem of being several cars back along the queue behind the caravan thus a direct "shot" at the offending object may  not be possible.  The solution was way ahead of its time (cruise missiles had not become widely known about or their ground hugging radar and onboard computers)..  The missile was to be launched from the roof rack of the minibus.  From here it would drop to ground level and follow the center of the road using a "white line & cats Eyes" detecting  scanner probably based on infra red.  At the time it was only an "open road" device as the complex white lines of a right hand junction would confuse the guidance system (these days common junction configurations could be pre programmed).  You now have the missile flying along the center of the road.  The second set of detectors would look up to the left, and ahead of the missile.  The majority of a caravan is Aluminum - however so is a bus and flat sided lorry (though who is to say these do not need missiles as well).  However the caravan being our designed target has vast quanities of "formica" (a melamine laminate) on work tops doors and interior walls.  Thus until a scanner can be created to detect the right combination of aluminum and laminate this device is missing its final key.  If this problem is over come then the remaining programing is straight forward.  The missile must detect the offside wheel and attack the caravan just in front of this but also well underneath the chassis.  The explosive must not be too "fast/high"  we do not want to damage the road surface.  The explosive must create sufficient pressure to lift the caravan up ripping it off the tow bar and sending it still in one piece up and left wards over the hedge/wall or verge out of the road.  The car which was towing the caravan would then accelerate forwards freeing up the traffic congestion.          

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