| Frodo: I can feel the ring weight upon m' soul... *weak sob* Sam: It'll be alright, Mister Frodo. Ring: Your dang right! Feel my power! Frodo: *Another weak sob* Gollum: Myyyyyyy precccccccccciiosssss come to meeeee!*Claws at Frodo* Sam: *Kicks Gollum* Ring: Don't listen to that weak idiot! Frodo: WHY DID YOU DO THAT, SAM!? He hasn't done anything! Gollum: *Jumps up and tries to mangle Sam* Ring: Frodo, I need some caffine, go get me a Mountain Dew Frodo: *Pulls the two apart.* Gollum: *Pulls out a knife, and looks meaningfully at Sam before putting it away* Frodo: *Gives Ring a mountain dew* Ring: *Floats in the Mountain Dew, absorbing the caffine* Ring: I've finished, take me out of the can Frodo: Ring, I must put you on, I think I love you. Ring: Yes. . .*wot passes for an evil grin on a ring*. . put me on. . .I shall take you to a land where you can get high all day. Frodo: Does this "land" have shrooms? Ring: Of course. It has wotever you want Gollum: *whimpers* Master, the fat hobbit hit me. Sam: *Kicks Gollum again* Frodo: No, Sam! Don't hurt him! Gollum: Don't hurts me! I'm an innocent little bystander! Ring: *to Sam* Steal me. Steal me from Frodo. He is unworthy. You are the true hero! Sam: *Kicks Gollum again, ignoring everyone* Sam: *stops, and looks at Frodo.* I wuv you. Frodo: I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO SAY THAT. Ring: *To Sam* NO FOOL! You love me! Put me on! Sam: *Huggles Frodo romantically* Frodo: Wtf are you doing, Sam!? Sam: *Huggles Frodo more* Frodo: *Strokes the ring.* Ring: *wails* Wot about me?!?! Aren't I loved?!?! Sam: *Kisses Frodo* Frodo: *Pushes Sam away and kisses the Ring* Ring: *Strains to touch Sam* Sam: *Rapes Frodo* Frodo: *Rapes Ring* Ring: *Rapes Sam* Frodo: *Realises that he truly doesn't love the ring, but loves Gollum. His heart is torn.* Gollum: *sulks, then spots a bush* Oooh. . .I luff you bush! Bush: *Leans away* I don't love you! Frodo: Ring, I cannot love you anymore, Gollum is my true love. Ring: *Doesn't Care* I love you, Sam, you idiot! Frodo: I know this is difficult... Gollum: *Is torn* I love you too, Master, but I love the bush also. Frodo: I can love you so much better than that bush can! Ring: *is heartbroken* Sam! I love you! Why can't you see that my love is more than Frodo can ever give!? Sam: *Looks over at Frodo to see an extremely attractive bush. Runs over quickly and puts an arm around it.* So, what's a bush like you doing on a path like this? Gollum: Master, your love for me can never compare to my love for the bush! Frodo: But, Gollum, you can't love a bush! A bush... well... it can't make love. Bush: *Blushes* Oh, I dunno, I saw you all, and I thought we might have a party. Gollum: Yes I can! I will love it forever, even if it doesn't love me! Sam: What type of music do you like? I mean, we could get a DJ and everything, if only you want to. *Wink wink* Bush: Oh, I like heavy metal, don't *spies the ring* And wot is that lovely golden circle? Frodo: But! But! Gollum, the bush doesn't love you! You haven't even had a conversation with it. Gollum: It doesn't matter! I know it is right for me! Sam: That's Frodo's ring, the evil ring of power, we're going to go destroy it. Bush: *Makes eyes at the ring* Sam: *Feels jealous* Ring: *Doesn't notice the bush, having only eyes for Sam* Sam: Bush, why do you love the Ring more than me? Frodo: *Trips over a stone in the road* O dear! Stone: *Gazes up at pretty-boy's face.* I heart you Gollum: *crawls towards the bush* Oh bush, how I love you! Can't you see it? Just tell me you love me! Sam: *Huggles bush* Sam: The bush isn't interested in YOU, Gollum. Frodo: I'm sorry, stone, but I don't love you! I love Gollum. Bush: *pulls his gazy away from the ring, and finally sees Gollum* How could I love you over the ring? Wot can compare to the love goldeness? *turns to Sam* I don't love fat hobbits either, so back off, creep! Sam: *Sobs* You just break my heart, don't you? Ring: *talks to Frodo* Take me over to Sam, idiot! You are nothing compared to him! Sam: *Runs off crying* Bush: I can't help it! My whole heart is devoted to the ring! Frodo: *To the Ring* Shhh, maybe a present might make Gollum love me! Ring: *finally realizes the bush loves him* HA! You think I would love you, a bush, over Sam?! He is my hero! Frodo: *Hands Gollum the stone.* Gollum: *hears Frodo* Master loves me?!?! But I don't love him! I love the bush! Stone: How dare thee hand me over to such a disgusting creature!? Frodo, I only love you! You can't just pass me around! My body is just for you! Ring: *to Frodo* NO! I WON'T SHUT UP UNTIL YOU TAKE ME TO SAM! HE IS MY SWEETY PIE! *slaps Frodo* Frodo: *Cannot hear the Stone* Frodo: *Sobs* Ring, why are you so mean to me!? Gollum: *recoils as he touches the stone* A stone? Why would the master give Gollum a stone? *throws it away* Frodo: Hey, where did Sam go? Stone: Oh, sure, that was nice! DAMN BASTARD! Ring: I don't love you! I love Sam! Where has my beloved gone?!?! Stone: How dare you do that, Gollum. Ring: Dang Bush! You made the love of my life go away! Bush: Hey! Don't look at me! He's a fat idiot! Stone: *Sings* I'm just a Stoner! A Stone...eerrr! I'm Stone Stoner, and I'm out to rock this world! *Plays miniture guitar.* Frodo is my one true love! *Voice breaks apart at the high note* Gollum: bush, I'm truly sorry, but I've got to give you up. See, there's this really hot stone, and it's single, so I might have a chance! Bush: I don't give a crap! I hate you anyway! Gollum: *goes off and grabs the stone* Sam: *Comes back from where he had been crying, and sits back down next to the Bush.* You're mean... but I can't help but love you anyways.... so, if you weren't busy, do you think we could do something this Friday night? Stone: Eww! RAPE! RAPE! RAAAPEE!!!! Bush: Uh. . no! I'll be busy trying to win over the ring! *turns it back on Sam* Sam: *Sobs* Ring: FRODO! TAKE ME TO SAM NOW! MY ONE TRUE LOVE IS CRYING! Gollum: *ignores the stone's protests, cradling it in his arms* Oh, how I love you, my cute little stone! You are so much better than the bush could ever dream to be! Frodo: *Tosses ring away towards Sam.* Fiiinnne... if you can give me some tips later on harnassing Gollum... He seems to love inanimate objects. Bush: I heard that! Ring: Oh, my Sam! Catch me! Stone: IF ONLY I COULD MOVE! Sam: *Is so distracted by the Bush that he does not notice the ring falling from the sky* Bush: Hey, Gollum isn't the only one needing help. Sam loves me! *sees the ring flying towards itself* Oh, my teddy bear! Come to me! Stone: *Screaming now* RAAAAAPE! THIS DISGUSTING CREATURE IS RAPING ME! TOUCHING MY VIRGIN BODY! Ring: *screams as it falls into the bush* NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO! SSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stone: *Thoughtfully* Perhaps I'm not virgin... I don't know if I had done it with that rock before. She was a Ruby, oh yes... Sam: *is practically deaf* Bush: Oh my gosh! The ring really does love me! It came to me! *Inanimate object love scene cut out* Gollum: *hears the stone* Oh, so you would need me to tell you how to do it, then? Stone: NOOO! PLEASE DON'T! I'M OKAY! Gollum: Here, let's go behind this tree, so we get some privacy. *Another inanimate love scene cut out* Ring: *tries to wiggle out of the bush, to get into Sam's lap* Bush: Oh no you don't! Now that I've gotten you, you'll never leave me! Stone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *After being raped.* I'm never going up THERE again... Gollum: Honey, it wasn't rape. It was consensual. Stone: Oh, you think it was. Frodo: How could you, Gollum!? We could have had a wonderful life! *Sob* Gollum: *hears his master* Master, we could never be together, not with my stone around. It just wouldn't work. Stone: If I can have Frodo, then everything would be good. Gollum: I've devoted everything I have to the stone, there's nothing left for you. Stone: Frodo, trust me, you don't love Gollum. *shudders* Bush: Oh, my ring, you can never know how much I love you! Sam: *Huggles bush* We can get married, I swear Ring: *screams* RRRRRRAAAAAAPPPPPEEEEEEE! Save me! Stone: It's considered consensual to the bush. Bush: *shies away from Sam* Er, well, ya see, I don't want to break your heart, but I love the ring. Not you. Ring: SAM! I love you! Come take me away from the evil bush! To be continued...? |
| Frodo Baggins: Me Samwise Gamgee: Me Stone Stoner: Me The One Ring of Power: Mary Bush: Mary Gollum: Mary |
| This is probably one of the weirdest things that has ever come out of the "And then there were three..." thing, except for there were only two. Basically it was Mary and when we were uber bored. We got pretty into it. |
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