When my third baby was only a couple months old I became ill with dizzy spells, tingling in my hands and arms, frequent headaches, chest pains, and constant fatigue. I was terrified that something was seriously wrong with me. At first my doctor just brushed it off, but when I kept coming back with one complaint after another, he finally sent me to see a neurologist. Just the word "neurologist" sent spasms of terror through me. I remember driving home with tears running down my cheeks and all of a sudden this song popped into my head, "Tis So sweet to trust in Jesus..." Although still frightened, I felt better, just to know that God was in the midst of my storm.
Over several months, in and out of emergency and various specialists,I had many blood tests, an ECG stress test, a CT scan and an MRI. The week before I was scheduled to have the MRI, I was having panic attacks, wondering whether the MRI would show MS or worse. One Friday, I fasted and prayed specifically that someone would phone me with a message from God. The day went by and noone phoned. We went out to prayer meeting and choir practise. When we got home I was putting our children to bed when the phone rang. It was my brother, Sean (also a minister). The first words out of his mouth were, "I have a message from God for you. The Holy Spirit has impressed me to tell you that EVERYTHING is going to be all right." Chill bumps went through me. God had spoken to me.
When I was in the middle of the MRI, panic tried to overwhelm me. Those words just kept going through my mind over and over again. EVERYTHING is going to be all right. All of a sudden a Peace came over me like I hadn't felt in months. The Lord was with me and I just KNEW that it would be all right.
All of my tests came back normal, and I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and a Major Post Partum Depression. At first I refused to accept medical help for it, thinking that I could beat it on my own. But I came to the point where I knew that it wasn't fair to my family or myself to be ill if there was treatment available. I did go on Paxil for over a year and felt great on the medication, though I gained 30 lbs.... :-( The time came for me to go off medication and I thought I was going off slow enough. I was under Dr. supervision, but still I suffered terrible withdrawals and a relapse. While withdrawing from the medication, I battled extreme fatigue, and electric like shocks going through my head. I took my last paxil tablet during a Youth Convention. During that convention I received confirmation from two different individuals during prayer that God had delivered me. In spite of that I did suffer a relapse which I believe was brought on by the withdrawals. But I held on to God's promise. I made a list of all the scriptures on healing that I could find and when anxiety and depression threatened I pulled out my list and prayed the Word of God. I claimed and held onto His promise......After about 6 weeks the withdrawals were completely gone and I started to recover from my relapse as well. I don't know how many times I was tempted to go back to my Dr. and ask for another prescription, but I didn't and I'm glad. I am now off all prescription medication and I am feeling so much better.
God has been with me through it all and has been my Tower of Strength. I have learned a lot about how to deal with my anxieties and fears and just turn them over to God. He truly is the Master of any storm of life. There are times when only He can calm the storm and say, "Peace, Be Still....."
If you are in a storm in your life, you too can turn to Jesus and let Him be your Peace!
If you have any questions or just need to chat with someone who cares feel free to drop me a note and I would be happy to chat with you and to pray for you....
God bless,
Wendy |
