| Jay London |
| Auditions You might recognize me. I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart. It's almost over sir. You know what burns me? Matches. I'm quitting after tonight, it really doesn't matter. Top 40 It's a pleasure to be here tonight, thank you. You might recognize me I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart. It's almost over sir. I went into a music store today, I asked for 50 Cent and they threw me out for pan-handling. It's over in 2 minutes sir. Let me move over here. I model irregular clothing. You will never see me again. Did you know it was a year ago today? I'm a hit. I saw a stationary store move. Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke. Thank you very much and good night. Thank you very much. Thank you. Top 20 It's a pleasure to be here tonight, thank you. You might recognize me I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart. Oh, thank you. A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock. Oh, you'll get this tommorow sir. My father would take me to the playground and put me on mood swings. Does anybody know what I'm doing up here? It's almost over sir. My whole family is lactose intolerant when we take pictures we can't say cheese. You know this mad cow disease? You know why they're mad? Because nobody tips them. Oh, thank you. I work at bed, bath, and beyond. I work in the beyond department. People ask me, where's the bath section? I tell them it's beyond me. Then my boss told me I should get my ass in gear and I told him i was shiftless. Thank you. Thank you very much and good night. Thank you very much. Thank you. Finals: Top 7 Head to Head vs. Gary Gulman I'm self employed I manage my own hair. Am I too deep for y ou people? I get all my hair products at Petco. Does anybody know what I'm doing up here? Thank you. I went into a music store today, I asked for 50 Cent and they threw me out for pan-handling. I went into a music store... It's almost over miss. You look at me like I'm from the discovery channel. Let me move over here. I told my father I wanted to be a musician, so he went out and bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out. Oh, thank you. It's going to get better I swear to god. Thank you. I'm on performance enhancing drugs so I may cause drowsiness. I'm on performance... It doesn't matter. You will never see me again. I was born 9 months prematurely. This is death. Let me move over here. After all these years I've had the privilege in naming my private part. Cause we have nick names. So I name my private part pride. It's not much but at least I have my pride. Please like me. Please like me. I'm also available for children's parties. A guy offered me a job in an information booth, no questions asked. A guy offered... just come up and beat the hell outta me. Oh, thank you. I went to a urologist he told me I could go any time. My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fish net stockings. Oh, that's what you want to hear. Ok. I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked if she wanted breakfast in bed she said one pig in a blanket is enough. I'm sorry, you'll never see me again. Did you know it was a year ago today? Thank you very much and good night. Thank you very much. |
| KATHLEEN MADIGAN GARY GULMAN COREY HOLCOMB BONNIE MCFARLANE ANT ALONZO BODDEN TAMMY PESCATELLI TODD GLASS JOHN HEFFRON JAY LONDON |
| THE SEARCH FOR THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN AMERICA |
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