Degree
2
Yes, I have done Orasa Street’s (Malate) Red Banana and Bath. And
the drill at the Labyrinth and that floor was the same at Degree except
that we were only wrapped in a flimsy white towel and that we were given
more privacy, giving us more things to do… and I suck on the drill.
Flirting is one skill I could almost master. Being a psychology under graduate
that I am, I am very much knowledgeable with body language. That is if I
were only to be the observer but not if I were part of it or that the body
language is directed on me. Well, a certain mechanism is triggered in my
brain whenever I become aware that someone is flirting with me. And that
mechanism is something we are very much aware of… insecurity or, as other
would want to call it, low self esteem.
It’s like this: if I notice someone giving me the eyes, no matter
how friendly those eyes were, or that it is accompanied by assuring smile, I
would not think that that someone is into me. I would like to think that but
then I find myself asking why. I would want to answer that question as
because he finds me attractive but then again… why? Then, I conclude that
he was starring for he hates my guts and the smile was of ridicule… Okay,
maybe that was quite extreme—as in bordering to paranoia, not that it
didn’t happen to me yet—but more often than not, I am afraid to read
between the lines as I might be reading too much or that I’m reading it
all wrong for why? What does he see in me? This is perhaps the reason why,
despite my numerous sexual tryst, none of them was I really attracted to.
There was no eye contact. He just pass by me standing leaned back
at the narrow hall in between the small rooms. Our body brushed, I thought
it was inevitable… I was facing the other way when I felt someone tapped
me in the ass. I turned to look, I saw no one. I went to face the other way
again, a moment pass, someone tapped me again. And again, I saw no one when
I turned. I decided to peek by the turn, suspecting the one tapping me was
there hiding… I saw a man who was taller than me, with relatively
longhair… not bad looking but I wasn’t really attracted to him. I
wasn’t sure if it was him, I can’t tell… that was until I decided to
go back to my position and felt his hand in my arms, pulling me back to face
him… he put his arms around me… I let him be and rested my head on his
chest, his head over my shoulder…
We were just that for a while, in an arm lock… I started kissing
him in the chest… I found his nipple… I opened my mouth and gave it one
good lick… He led me to one of the rooms…
He leaned forward to kiss me in the mouth… I didn’t move and just
close my eyes… I felt his lips touch my lips… cutie-cutie Jay’s face flashed in my head… I moved away… not wanting it anymore…
He went to kiss me in the other parts of my body… my neck, my
chest, and lower… he stopped… asked me if I had fucked someone else
already, earlier. I said no one… he hesitated on taking my word… I
assured him…
Score 1!
He ushered me to the showers downstairs, at the labyrinth… I
can’t take the Japanese-style at the passage of delight… No way am I
taking a shower there. He wanted us to shower together… I wasn’t amiable
with that either… and that I wanted to loose him already… I did by going
in on one of the individual showers… He had no choice but to go to the
group shower room… I sneaked out, hope he got the message.
Upstairs, I came across George24. He was walking toward me and me
to him. He smiled. I smiled back at him. Passed each other, he tapped me in
the ass—why does it have to be in the ass! I just kept walking until there
was nowhere to go. I leaned on the wall.
A guy stood near me. He had his towel over his shoulders and was in
thong—I read it was from Bench. Sexy… he exudes it though not really a
looker and without the body to boot for. Well, you know how I am with rough
looking man… A man with a great body, tattoo in his arm and back,
passed… Wow!
The guy in thong looked at me. I looked back at him. Held each
other’s eye for awhile… He moved to open the door to the nearest room. I
just went looking. He stood with one feet in the room the other in the
hall… I looked away… I could feel his stare… I know he wants me… I
could feel it… Now, I wanted him to say it…
Another bulky guy went to join us, standing near the guy in thong
more than to me but was looking at me, then to the guy in thong then again
to me… and I realize I was doing the same… and so was the guy in
thong… I decided to walk away…
At another corner, I parked myself… suddenly a flash in my
head—the face of cutie-cutie Jay… I refused it. I refused to be guilty
about it… I refused to think I was doing something wrong to him…
No!
I left him a message in his picturetrail guest book… I asked his friend
for his number… I wrote poems for him… I didn’t get anything… I
don’t even exist to him…
I don’t even exist to him!
“What was that…?” I heard someone asked. I looked up and saw a
man with his towel up his shoulder too but his underpants were more
modest… but it was of animal print.
I had not realize that I was murmuring… he moved close to me and
asked again, “what was it?” I shook my head and moved a distance from
him… He looked at me with discerning eyes… I smiled at him before I
diverted my eyes…
Suddenly, as much as I refuse, the more he was clouding my
memory… Why don’t you want me, Jay? Why can’t you at least give me
a chance…? Why…?
He took my hand, the man in animal print, and lead me to one of the
rooms… I just went with him… I slumped myself in the mattress. He closed
the door behind and immediately hung his towel. He noticed that even if I
was there, I wasn’t really…
“What is it that you want?” he asked.
“What…?”
“Do you want us to do this or you want to just talk?”
“Whatever you want…” I said.
He looked at me… Discerningly… trying to figure out… he leaned
toward me… I closed my eyes as our lips touched… Cutie-cutie Jay was
there again… Fuck! Frustration… I refuse to be bothered by him… I
kissed back… with passion… tenderly as I would like to kiss cutie-cutie
Jay… I know it wasn’t him, it wasn’t his lips… it wasn’t his
tongue…
“Wow, you’re one good kisser…” the man said then kissed
again…
Score 2…
After shower, my third that night plus the one I took at home
before I left… I saw George24 standing alone in one corner. I looked at
him and smiled… It didn’t occur to him immediately that it was I,
surprised he exclaimed “Hey…”
“Hey, what time are you going home?” I asked, “sabay na ko…”
“Two…” he said.
We both don’t have a timepiece with us…
“Sige, sabay na tayo mamaya…” he said then asked, “nakailan
ka na?”
I blushed… and smiled sheepishly… not intending to answer.
“Nahiya ka pa sa akin…”
I thought it was embarrassing… I left him…
Playing Tatu’s (or at least their version) “How Soon Is Now”
I parked myself at the farthest wall of the room, underneath the air
conditioning units…
“There’s a club if you like to go… you could meet somebody who
really loves you… so you go and you stand on your own… and you leave on
your own, and you go home, and you cry and you want to die…
When you say it’s gonna happen now, when exactly do you mean… see
I’ve already waited too long… and now all my hope is gone…”
A group of three, were talking near… one of the men was the guy
in thong earlier… they agreed… one of the man slide at the wall near
me… then asked, “would you like to join us…?”
Foursome…
I hesitated… the thought of Cutie-cutie Jay… I nodded. We went in
one of the small room.
Score… 5?
I felt like shit after… I really could never be groupie. I know I
wanted to go home already…
I went around to look for George24… I didn’t see him. I went to
the Jacuzzi to see if he was there… no sign of him… the gym… then, I
just went in to take the shower at the labyrinth… I figured he probably is
experiencing the delight of life… and that he wouldn’t want me
disturbing him…
I went home alone...
"You
shut your mouth, how can you say... I
go about things the wrong way...
I
am human and I need to be love... just
like everybody else does..."
February
8, 2005/ Tuesday