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| Fourth Floor: Diagnoses Reports Curses Interviews Sponsors Contact the Company |
| <<Interviews with the Patients>> <<Scott Summers>> Aries: [clicks on the tape recorder] Why don't you tell me about your...um...delusions Scott: Well, it all started when I was at the Getty Museum, drinking a latte I had purchased at the snak bar [Snack bar?! At a museum?!] So, anyway, I guess they had spiked the drink or something because I started seeing all these furry creatures, you know the animals - Aries: You mean rats? Scott: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY THAT WORD!! A: What? Rats? S: [cringing] Y-Y-Yes. A: Oh, okay. So tell me about these...animals. S: They're everywhere. In my clothes, in my shoes, even in my bath tub... A: And are they big? S: Gigantic A: Okay...? S: As big as my head A: I got the idea. When you see them? S: [annoyed] I said everywhere. Thye're like, stalking me. A: And at the mansion? S: Yeah. I used to hack them with a bat everytime I saw them. Ever since Xavier took away my bat, they started invading the place. I kept telling them to disinfect the area, but did they? No! They let them be and *bam* Rat City! A: I see. Do you see them still, even here? S: I don't...well, sometimes. Every now and then I do, but then I remember I don't have a bat and can't whack them. A: Tsk, tsk. Insanity can be a terrible thing [writes down "This guy's crazy!"] S: What? Oh yeah, I heard Xavier say something about that. [laughs nervously] So am I? A: Quite. S: And sometimes the rats look like Duncan. A: Huh? S: Matthews. My arch arch arch rival. A: Yes, I see. [writes down really crazy] <<Interview with Jean Grey>> A: Okay, Miss Grey is it? Go ahead and tell me about yourself. J: I'm perfect. A: [stops writing] restate that again - please. J: [insistent'] I'm perfect. A: (puts down her pencil) Miss Grey, I can't help you if you will not cooperate. J: But I am!! A: There's no need to scream [ writes down egoistic] So, tell me why you're here if you're so perfect. J: Xavier says I need to get over my fear with ceiling fans. A: Spin? J: You sound surprised. A: Well, that whole calling yourself"perfect" was a bit....off. J: Oh. A: So what started the fear? J: I think it happened when I saw a ceiling fan for the first time. A: And how come you've never seen a ceiling fan before? J: Well, I'm used to the convinent fan in the corner. And then when I went into this restaurant... A: Excuse me. Restaurant? J: [annoyed] pretty much. I saw the ceiling fan and after a few minutes it became loose and fell on top of one guy and cut his head off!! [starts screaming innanely] I'M TELLING YOU, CEILING FANS ARE DANGEROUS!!! A: [writes down "crazy"] Just goes to show what I have to deal with for the next several days. J: Are you -defying- me? I am insulted. [sits up straight] Would you like it if a ceiling fan fell on top of you??!!! A: I'd cease to think about it, but that's no matter. Now if it were a helicopter... J: HELICOPTER?! WHERE?! A: Oh boy. [into reciever] please send up the wardens. [looks over at Jean who'se biting her fingers and ripping her hair] NOW. <<Interview with Kitty Pryde>> A: Please state your name [holds out tape recorder]. K: Um...[unsure] is that a tape recorder? A: Yes-- K: [nervously] why? A: To..tape record you. K: Okay [nervously] do you have to? A: It's for the records. K: But...[clicks her tongue] A: Are you uncomfortable? K: Why do you ask? A: You keep asking whether to use the tape recorder K: It's none of your business! [rolls up into a ball] I hate you! A: And why is that? K: Because...I'm kinda paranoid. A: Xavier mentioned that. K: [outrage] OH HE DID, DID HE?! A: SO should I use my tape recorder? K: I rather you not. A: Well how about I just put to the side and... K: I don't like that. The tape recorder doesn't like me. Look at it! A: [looks] Um, okay. How about we just don't use the tape recorder. K: It's laughing at me. A: Excuse me, my ears failed me there. I thought I heard you say my tape recorder was laughing at you. K: It still is. A: [o--kay stare] Do you know why? K: [pause] A: Moving on... K: It thinks I'm crazy. A. [off-guard] What? K: The tape recorder...that's why it's laughing at me. [pause] Do YOU think I'm crazy? A: Well, um, not necessarily. At the moment K: You think I'm crazy! A: Well... K: DON'T DENY IT! A: I can't cuz I did say "at the moment". Hear...[plays back tape recorder] K: People think I'm crazy. A: And paranoid. K: I think Bert and Ernie are insane. You ever watched that show? A: Well no, I...wait! How did two Sesame Street puppets get into this conversation?! K: Well that's what Xavier compares me too. He also said they were ga-- A: OKAY! [clikcs off tape recorder and throws it to one side] K: [coughs] A: Are you happy now?! K: I said, I rather you not use it, but you did and then you threw it. [points] see? A: Ye-ah. That was all me. [into reciever] This one's crazy too. Wardens, come. Continue the Interviews |
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