Sponsor: HyCon
Are you moody? Do you like to make believe you have diseases? Then you need HYCON the medicated soft pill that enables and enforces pictures in the mind.
Now you can imagine you have cancer disease without hesitation [warning: you might imagine cancers that don't exist]! To get a complementary package, please send the algebraic formula for a parabola in an x and y axis graph by November 13, 1804 [Warning: address may not be valid by the 21st Century]. So don't hesitate to take advantage of this fanastic offer [Warning: Hesitating may be fatal to your already obscene mind] and order today!
Sponsor: Squirrel-Be-Gone
Are you tired of those pesky critters known as squirrels that raid your backyard and trees? Do you become annoyed that the only thing that really kills them is driving over them and even that is considered an "accident"? Then you should buy the latest pest killer: Squirrel-Be-Gone! Just take this spray to the forest [or your backyard if they multiply there], spray in the trees, grass, and foilage until fully coated with this spray. Then, your squirrel troubles will be gone! In ordering this household product, please include your social security number and a check of 107.130752 Japanese Zen to the address listed below. [Small print not intended for you to read: Not to be used around animals, lest they die a rather immoral death. This product is illegal in the United States, Canada, and the smaller countries of little importance. If it gets into your internal system, you should die or be deformed in a later life. Side affects include speaking dead languages such as Latin and Pig Latin and death sortly after inhalation. Once your zen is delievered to us, the product may not make it to your home, but you cannot complain for we would be out of state by then.]
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