My thought process has really been working over time for the past couple of days. I've been thinking about a lot of things, and I guess I owe a lot to HG, and the others over the past year or so. Ever since what happened with Jason
(read that entire story here if you want,) I haven't really trusted anyone. I've had several empty relationships since then. Some of them yielded friends that I am still very close to, some showed me hoe cruel people can really be.
I said I was thankful - it's because I would never have been able to make this decision, to have this point of realization if it hadn't been for those that have been since him, and those that will be I suppose. For whatever reason that my past relationships ended they all had one thing in common, that person was number one, and each and everyday Jason was on my mind, as I said before I was chasing Jason in other's eyes.
No more. His life is his own, and mine, what is left of it, is mine. I will always have a special place for him in my heart, and for a while I will still think of him but it is time that I gave someone else a real chance. That is what I plan to do in the near future. Think of me if you get the chance, positive thoughts are the solution to all problems in life if they are concentrated correctly :-) Have a good evening.
I never dreamed that I would loose my heart so soon, until tonight, I never felt my heart fly out of my body demanding attention - demanding another, I want now and forever to live inside his sweet embrace.
Though I would love it, to make those moments last forever, to make time stand still, I don't think I woudl survive. I would forget to eat, to breathe, to exist, lost totally in him and his beautiful eyes. I have never been so totally captivated by someone.
I am unafraid, the dream is so exciting - it isn't fading and I am not alone.
It's like this was heaven sent, I felt ripples forming in my life, the moment I met Jon, from that moment I knew there could be something so special.
I took a few days from everything to spend time with him. It has been awesome so far, though I would love to spend every waking hour with him, we have been trying to limit things, to go slowly, and I think we are doing a pretty good job. Though as many of you know often my heart moves much faster than I want it to, but this time, I think I want exactly what it is doing - we want the same things from each other.
SIGH - we will see I suppose, I so want this to work, because I haven't felt this way in as long as I can remember.
This is the moment, this is the day, this is the moment and I know I'm on my way, every endevor I have made ever is coming into play its here and now today. This is the moment this is the time. Perhaps now, in this relationship, with this amazing person, I can gather up my past and make some sense of my life at last.
I have been talking to Jace more and more lately, we are becoming great friends and it's wonderful to finally get to know the person who I have heard so much about over that past several months. I can see now that we will be friends for the long term, and I'm happy about that.
Good night friends, sleep well. (I still have some journal entries to add in that were written between this and the last, and those will come when I have more time...)
